Dear Daddy,

You are my superman. You have been there to protect me since I was in mommy’s stomach. You were there the day I took my first breath, and you’ve been there every single day since. My first word was ‘dada’ and you were the first person to hear it. I took my first steps as you held my little hands. I fell right on my face, but you picked me right back up.

You were the person that taught me how to ride a bike. I got on the bike and you held the pink, sparkly handles so I wouldn’t crash. You ran right beside me all the way down to corner. I told you not to let go, and you said you wouldn’t. I was pedaling as hard as I could and I looked back. You let go. I crashed right into a tree.

I grew up. I’ve had an old man, about 80 years old, ask me to get naked in bed with him. I’ve had another man, the same age as you dad, tell me I was hot as he stared at my breasts. I’ve had a boy, nearly 18, move his hand farther and farther up my thigh, until it found it’s destination. I’m fifteen. You let go of the bike, dad. I crashed into a tree.

I'm a nice girl.

I say yes, please, and thank you.

I do not know the word no.

It is a word forbidden from my vocabulary.

I'm a nice girl.

I cannot speak up for what I think is right.

Since I cannot say the word no, I must find other ways to communicate it.

Nicer and more polite ways.

I'm a nice girl.

When I walk to my car at night, I hold my keys between my knuckles.

I hide them there so no one will see.

It is my weapon, my only defense since I cannot say no.

I'm a nice girl.

When a guy is making me uncomfortable I back away an inch at a time.

I creep away slowly and quietly, hoping he will take my hint.

If he doesn't take the hint I'm fucked because I can't say no.

I'm a nice girl.

When a guy makes a rape joke I sit quietly and listen for the punchline.

When I'm walking to my car at night and I see a man coming toward me, I speed up my pace and grip my keys tighter.

When a man moves his hand closer and closer to my thigh, I inch away slowly and cautiously.

I'm a nice girl.

I do not say no.

I try and give hints, in hope people will understand them.

I am voiceless.

I'm a nice girl.

Nice girls don't last.

It didn’t have to be a fire.

It didn’t have to end in ashes but that was your desire.

It could have ended happily,

You even made that promise to me.

I told you it was all over.

You didn’t take it very well, but thank God you were sober.

You said I crushed your soul and made you cry,

You said that you just wanted to die.

You made me feel guilty for being happy.

You confused my emotions and everything was over-lapping.

Happy was guilty and angry was dramatic and doing what was best for me was wrong.

But you even knew what you were doing all along.

You told me you would take your life.

You said you even grabbed the knife.

I told you I was sorry, I pleaded for you not to do it.

But you just showed me the ringer and continued to put me through it.

You told me you would grab a gun.

You said if you saw a car coming, you wouldn’t run.

You said you knew how to tie a noose.

You said you wouldn’t tie it loose.

You were a never ending nightmare.

You made me vulnerable as if my body were bare.

When I shake in the night it’s because of you.

You tore me down, that’s all you do.

When you touched me I got chills.

When you touched me you got thrills.

You said you would take the pills.

You said it would be the one that kills.

You gave me bags under my eyes from sleepless nights,

And endless anxiety from all of our fights.

Though I don’t wish death on anyone,

Your time with me is officially done.