I wish she could see. She thinks that she can, but compared to what I am privileged to, she’s blind. A beauty that can not properly be defined by the words in any understood language. A beauty that defies any of society’s molds or expectations. She holds such a dear position in my heart, and she doesn’t even know it. Her only flaw is her tendency to speak for me. She can’t see what I see, she doesn’t know what I know. She’s not qualified to judge herself on what she thinks I show. Deeper than the surface, there are layers to her I pray she soon discovers. Her beauty isn’t skin deep it’s intricate and bewitching. I wish she could see.

I'm sorry that you were struggling for so long, and nobody seemed to notice. Or maybe you felt that nobody cared. I'm sorry if I didn't show you enough how much I loved you or how much I cared for you, and if you did know then I'm sorry that my love wasn't enough. I so deeply wish that I could go back in time and take all your pain away. Even if that meant making it my own. People often dwell on "the selfishness" of suicide and how they took "the easy way out". I don't see it that way. I thank you for fighting for as long as you did. I thank God every day that I was blessed to have someone as amazing as you in my life. My heart breaks to think of all the many more memories we could have made. I hope and pray that you're at true peace. That you have found at least a token of happiness. You deserve that and so much more. I will never stop missing you. I will love you forever and a day. Goodbye.

She not only races against time itself but also against her waning strength and the inconsistency of her thoughts. The guards were coming for her. Although she knew them as her “Menacing demons seeking mental annihilation”. The thundering noises of their footsteps and the clanking of the chains they dragged with them to restrain her boomed through the distance. She kneeled at the end of a long corridor shaking at the touch of the cold metal on her feet as tears that felt like acid slipped from within her core. “ I have to do it.”, she unsteadily whispered. They were getting closer and closer. The escape plan she had been working on for what felt like forever was soon becoming worthless as she pondered if choosing death would truly be easier than the hell she endures. Her theory was that death was the key. The way back home. If she even had one.

The prison she was in was not like any humanly imaginable. The guards, demons of emotions. The rooms, personal torture cells. The warden? The most pernicious aspect of the prison. It was the mind. The mind’s power rested in the fact they didn’t know of their power, not due to their incompetence or lack of strength but rather to the constant berating from their inner demons which had outwardly manifested themselves in this prison. Basically, all the pain and torment they faced was dependent on what they thought they deserved. Freeing yourself needed a power she or any of the prisoners did not yet know they had. “Put it down”, said a sinister voice from behind her. She knew what guard they had sent for her. A single tear burned down her face as she released the makeshift dagger along with any other piece of hope she held. “ Stand up my child”, It ordered. She hated being referred to as its child.” I’m not your child”, she angrily murmured. Slowly rising to her feet, she felt the familiar feeling of her throat tightening. It was punishing her. She turned to face it. “Why have you not learned Destinee?” It questioned as a deviant smirk spread across its face.

Its face was a source of fuel for her constant nightmares. No aspect of its appearance was humanlike. It is often said that the eyes are the windows to one’s soul. If that’s true it is even more terrifying because nothing can be seen beyond its windows. Whenever Destinee looks into its eyes her body feels heavy and every piece of happiness and confidence slips from within her. Even a slight glance could somehow push her into the deepest pits of depression. Hence the creature’s name.

“ I am always with you, within you. You escaping me would be like love choosing hate. Light choosing dark. There is no escape for you. Even in death, I will-” its demeaning monologue was interrupted. “Depres, master did not tell you to torment her. He wants to see

the girl,”, shouted Sympa. “Another time then. My child.”, Depres dragged her limp body down the long corridor in silence.

Time wouldn’t be the correct identification of how moments passed here. It was more of a freefall of perceived minutes and hours. Therefore a minute could be a year and a year could be a second. “ We’ve arrived”, said Depres. Destinee observed her surroundings. None of her other attempts or rebels had ever landed her in the “the warden’s office”. Of course, Sympa the guard of pity was nowhere to be found. Especially for Destinee. Sympa spent his time advocating for those who were deemed more worthy. The doors opened and the most beautiful contradiction stood before her. One wall of pure gold. Another of a color that appeared to be darker than black, the longer she looked at it, the more she felt a piece of herself slip into it. Her soul seemed to be in distress merely by her presence in the room. “Exquisite. Isn’t it?”, asked a smooth yet unidentifiable voice. It wasn't a male or female. Nor was it anything like any of the guards. “ You don’t have to answer. It was rather rhetorical”, the voice added condescendingly. “ Why am I here”, Destinee cried. The voice laughed. “You were trying to kill yourself, so we saved you” - “saved me?”, she interrupted. “I was trying to save myself. Trying to free myself of this hell that you’ve put me in”, she shouted. There was a distinct silence. “I have put you nowhere.”, the voice calmly boomed before she blacked out.

She jerked awake in a cell different from her old one. This one had two people she had yet to meet. “You should’ve tried to escape”, said a voice in the distance. “Who are you?”, destinee asked. There was a pause in the dark, and she could see at least two sets of eyes. “Ronnie” “Max”, the eyes responded. “Well Ronnie and Max, I tried. I’ve been trying for as long as I can remember. Every time I was either returned by a guard or tricked by a fiction of my imagination. I unknowingly stopped myself more times than I can count. It’s like I am my own worst enemy”, she said as tears fell from her eyes. The two new roommates stepped into the light to reveal themselves to her. The one who had identified herself as Ronnie had fair skin and a slim build, resembling that of a model. Destinee stared at her, feeling as insecure as ever. She had always assumed that all the prisoners were as undesirable as she felt she was. Max followed slightly behind her. Another appearance that challenged her view of the place. Max was a child. “How old is she”, Destinee questioned. “She’s 14 years old”, Ronnie replied. Extremely young to endure an experience like this. In all fairness, Destinee didn’t know how old she was. Or how long she had been there. She used to have memories of a former life, the good and the bad. Now there are only fleeting recollections of the bad. “Why are you here?”, she blurted. Max and Ronnie looked at each other as if she has just asked an unreasonable and

unbelievable question. “You seem to have been here long, and you don’t get what this is?”, Max questioned. Destinee confusingly shook her head. “ We’re in the -”, Max stopped. Tears came from her eyes and a look of horror spread across her face. Max was staring off into the distance as if she was seeing something that the others in the room were unable to see. Ronnie screamed her name over and over again to no avail. Max was in some sort of trance. Destinee felt an eerie presence that she had never felt before. She turned around to a terrifying discovery. A figure she had not previously noticed or was familiar with. She got Ronnie’s attention away from attempting to wake max to show her the figure that was looming before them. Ronnie’s face soon matched the terror expressed on all the faces in the room. “Who is that”, Ronnie asked through tears produced by pure fear.

She did not know how she knew, but Destinee knew exactly who or what that was. She had heard whispers and accidentally conjured nightmares of the creature but had never imagined how truly terrifying it would be. Its appearance was far different than that of the other guards. It was taller and had two large horns protruding out the sides of its head. Its skin appeared to be made of leather or another rough material. Its body was defined and chiseled as if the creature was sculpted through fire. Having her question left unanswered, Ronnie turned to the creature for the answers. “Who are you”, She cried at the creature. A deep and deceiving laugh was produced out of the figure. It opened its mouth and revealed something similar to a black hole. At that moment, Max released screams of genuine fear at the acknowledgment of the beast. What happened next couldn’t be properly explained with all the words in existence. In a moment Max was gone. Devoured by the creature right before their eyes. Ronnie’s screams and cries filled the room. Destinee froze. Ronnie screamed at the creature “who are you” over and over again. The unnamed beast stood tall and proud. “ what do you feel”? it whispered in a mystifying tone. The room fell silent. “Agony is all I feel.”, Ronnie whimpered in response. The creation licked the remains of the child off its mouth and released an eerie chuckle. “ Well now you know my name”, it whispered. In the blink of an eye, it was gone. Destinee had never witnessed such horrors or such diabolic behavior. Yet she had not made a single whimper or moan. She felt fear, but it was fear born from curiosity rather than terror or fright. She moved to comfort Ronnie in her distressed state, but in the dark, a puzzled expression built on Destinee's face.

The title of this piece that I am working on turning into a novel is State of Mind. I would categorize it as horror fiction and would place the age range at 18+. The current word count is 1566. My name is Cynthia Amoako and I am an 18-year-old African American female who enjoys reading, writing, and watching movies. I believe that my project is a good fit because I am a new and young author with many ideas and a desire to work hard. State of Mind follows an 18-year-old girl named Destinee who is trapped in a mental prison and being tortured by different mental illnesses presented as guards. My target audience is young adults who enjoy horror, science fiction, and suspenseful novels. I recently graduated high school, and am set to attend university starting in the fall.