Back before Covid-19, when I could take large classes in person, I would often find myself at a small yoga studio in my city. At first, yoga was something I did to prove to people that I wasn’t boring; proof that I could fit in to millennial culture (without it being that contrived). People who did yoga were fascinating to me. I watched in the initial classes I took spellbound by others’ flexibility. Could that be me?

As time has worn on, and after a year of taking said classes in that small yoga studio, I learned more about myself. I like moving. I like stretching. I like to feel in control of my body. My anxiety diminishes to the point of being gone.

And as time has worn on, I have done yoga at home. I know that child’s pose calms me, makes me ready for sleep. Ditto half pigeon and lizard pose. I stretch my arms to the sky in mountain pose, reflecting on a godliness in movement, a motion of gratitude, towards a peace that I previously would have yearned for - and, I was starting to fit in with the other yogis. They could do it, I could do it.

I actually had a passion, a joie de vivre. Deep breath in. A mantra I at first struggled with; centering myself in the breath seemed hopeless. The practice of yoga is itself just a a breath, building strength, solidity. I breathed.

As I go through the yoga motions now, at home, during Covid-19, I reflect on how this makes my life worth living. Stretching. Simply - that good feeling of being present in my body, in the present moment.

Perhaps that’s hedonistic. But it’s my solace.

Yoga is my inspiration, my reason to keep moving. Flow it out, as the yoga instructors say. Keep going. Keep feeling.

And maybe - in perhaps my dreams - I can teach this practice. Share some light.

Namaste. The light in me honors the light in you.

To be honest I didnt know my reason to live until i pondered this all day and started wrighting. I feel like this question shouldnt be that hard. I've thought of the obvious which is living for my family and friends, but that doesnt seem to be what my mind wants the anwser to be. I think the real reason i live is to prove to myself that i can. Ever since birth I've been fighting to live. I had birth complications, than there was the period of time where i would forget to breath, then came bullying with countless nights of tears, then came countless disloactions and concussions. After that stuff got worse. I found out i have a genetic condition that affects every aspect of my body and will cause me life long pain, and most recently i found out i have heart issues and sometimes struggle to get up due to almost passing out. Now all of that felt needed to share in order for you to understand what i mean. My life has been a constant battle to be normal. My life purpose is to fight to live. Its more to prove to myself that i can live and i can still live normally. Despite all my appoiments and thearpys i still prove to myself that i can be like all the other teens. I struggle to go to school, but i do it. After school i could be done and go home, i mean its a big enough hurdle to get over but instead i do activities. I chose to join tech crew for plays and show choir since my body cant take being in them anymore. Sometimes i have to step back from all the actions that other techies can do but im there and i am fighting my body to let me live as normal as it can. I also do coding competions which are sometimes more do able than tech since it can be done from my bed, but the mental capabilities sometimes arent there when i cant even get blood to flow to my head. I still do it though. I challenge myself so that i have a reason to live, even if that reason it to have a normal life.

Sorry if this dosent make much sense. ive tried to edit but my brain sometimes goes faster than my hands