i’m trying to figure out this whole poetry thing

i find that the good poets

s

p

i

r

a

l

their words across the page, i’m not sure why

but it’s fun to read; italics make everything crisper

&bold text? a type of darkness; a bold statement&

when i see an underline, i imagine a teacher

at the chalk board, furiously making a point

&why do poets

s p a c e

o u t

t h e i r

l e t t e r s

when they can write

all in lowercase

&use fancy symbols

maybe poetry is a crash course in fury

&i’m available for all of it, in its pure

and unadulterated wisdom & glory

i’m a v a i l a b l e for all of it

We are but pawns

on a grand chessboard

played by hidden hands

through the ages of time

we make our orderly moves

but it all

inevitably

spirals

to

checkmate.

The sirens have sounded.

r o u n d a n d r o u n d

l i k e a m a r b l e

s p i n n i n g in

a funnel

words like

loaded guns

and the

pounding

of our

own hearts

rotating

inside our

chests

or just

mine?

s p i t

o u t

still spinning spinning

s p i n n i n g but

never going

anywhere

lost

tripping over my words

up or down or in or

cause i don't

know if it's

love or

hate

guess i don't

have to settle

if i'm still

spiraling

i will never be good enough i think as you all stare at me and i don’t know how all these people can fit in one small classroom. i’m supposed to be the smart one yet i can’t even get through one math problem and i’ve never been good at working in groups and i hate that this is happening right now. i’m starting to freak out and i’m coming across like i think i’m better than you and maybe i do cause you pull out a vape and say do you want a taste it might help you calm down and i shake my head because i don’t do that it’s against the rules so i turn around and leave the classroom. i need to escape these walls are pressing in on me and there’s the principal asking me what’s going on and i try to explain but it comes out all wrong. and she says you’re spiraling. spiraling. do you need to go home? do you need to go home?

the spiral was good for a while.

floating in circles,

slow, lazy turns upward.

my mind crawled along,

nearly asleep.

then the spiral didn't want

to be nice to be anymore.

it chose to follow the rules-

the rules of gravity.

down, down, down,

i slid.

it got darker.

my eyes were forced shut.

sewn with sloppy stitches.

it was endless.

i got to keep living,

but that was more painful

the death itself.

Spiraling, spiraling...I spiral into oblivion

A deep, dark tunnel encapsulates me

Every breath I take, I feel as if I suffocate

Because you have gone away and left me here.

Downward, downward... farther I go

The weight of gravity is overtaking me

The pull takes me down

Deep into unconsciousness;

For, my mind is evading me, slipping away

To a place of no return

...all because you have left me

You've gone away, and left thee.

I seeth from the torment,

The agony, and disbelief

That where you are

Is no longer here, that you have gone

Departed from me.

The swirling winds are taking me down

Deep into the abyss of loneliness

The weariness and heavy heart

Is all because you're not near me

My knuckles gripped my shounders as I sped down the spiral staircase. Flames were shooting put of my derriere, and my only guide was my sister, hooping and hollering as she blazed the trail before me. "Look out for the nool post!" She'd screamed before her voice dove off of the edge.

"What?" I screamed back

It was too late. My groin slammed into the tiny endpost, and I sighed in pain as I became a puddle on the floor.

"Nice one!" Hope giggled from afar. She was laying on the floor looking at me.

"Owwwww," I murmured.

"Sheesh, are you okay, Thal? I mean, you've already had your kids so it's not like you're damaged."

"Huh?" I murmured.

Before I could react, she was on the floor giggling again.

"You bit it hard!"

Her giggles sounded like someone playing the violin with an upside-down bow. I looked around me. The grey pictures of Dr. Edwina's family were all decorated with googly eyes and glittee smiles. The walls were Pepto Bismol pink. The chandelier was a spinning disco ball.

"Where am I," I whispered.

"You're in the foliage!" Hope said with Dr. Edwina's voice.

The room changed. My fingers were suddenly clawing into grass. My legs were being bitten by mosquitoes. My whole body was shaking and hot and sweaty. Hope just clapped.

"Ooh, I love this part!" She said with a little boy's voice.

I blinked and Hope had turned into Riley. My eyes widened and I raced towards him. My son. I hadn't seen him wince before... I couldn't remember, but it doesn't matter, right? I gripped his tiny shoulders and pulled him into an embrace but he burst into a million bleeding butterflies before I could even feel his warmth. No... no!

"No!" My eyes snapped open and I was looking at Dr. Edwina's soulless black eyes.

"What did you see?" she demanded.

"Where's Riley?"

"Who's Riley?" she asked, though hee devious smile made me think she knew already.

"My son! Where's my baby!"

"You are becoming delusional, Thalia. We must get you bettee medication. It will help you sleep through the night."

I tried to get up but there were thick leather bands around my forearms and thighs. I watched futilely, bucking against my restraints. She smiled at my futile attempts as she flicked the needle of a syringe.

"Don't worry," she whispered. "It will all make sense after your nap."

"I'm not tired! No! I'm not tired!"

The needle pierced my skin and I felt warmth surge into my veins. I screamed and bit and clawed but the more I fought, the sleepier I got until all I could feel was the cold metal sheet I was laying on and where the nool post had hit me.