No, seriously, I do. So I hope you don’t mind too much

if I share a few really bad lines that are funny.

My wife said I was immature. So I told her to get out of my fort.

I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house but the kids still get in.

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future. The doctor asks him, “How long have you suffered from that condition?” The guy tells him, “Since next Monday.”

and finally ...

I wish Covid-19 had started in Las Vegas. Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

I now have 999, 994 left.

How does an elephant get up a tree?

Sits on an acorn and waits for it to grow.

How does an elephant get down from a tree?

Sits on a leaf and waits for autumn.

Why is it dangerous to walk through the woods in autumn?

Because of all the elephants coming down from the trees.

Why is a crocodile flat?

It walked through the woods in autumn.

Warning some of these get kind of dark these are some of my sisters faverite jokes

What's worse then 20 dead babies in a garbage can?

The live one underneath.

My ex got hit with a bus the other day,

I lost my job because of it.

I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom chopping onion, and i started crying.

Onion was our family dog.