A storm approaches.

Crashing winds.

The sea, it churns.

Free will means little.

The rain begins.

Animals, trees, drenched.

Weeping leaves collapse,

teardrops for a better day.

Across the horizon,

bright fields, birds sing.

Their song is not for me.

Shivering, I stand.

Clouds follow as I roam.

Even the sun-soaked fields

would fade to gray.

The animals flee.

I heard a story once,

of how light prevails.

Why do we allow

optimists to write myths?

our lovely broken minds

find their home

in facebook posts

detailing our small desires

to be known

to be famous and yet

so alone

the effects of our desperation

to be seen

in selfies and followers

cramping our ability

to rationalize much

of anything

beyond

bikinis and the like button

Broken, crushed, shattered ; pieces of the mind lay scattered.

Searching for the precise desighn, near or far it's hard to find.

Flooding thoughts turn into tears, making the screams hard to hear.

To play a toxic game that isn't fair, drowning, suffocating & lonely, it's scary up there.

Racing doubts of was I right or wrong, fool me to think I would ever be strong.

Fighting demons in my head, the voices and laughter slowly spread.

Sometimes the thoughts are hard to resist, upon action pleading cries of "it doesn't have to end like this".

A little change to notice how we feel, spoken out, we start to heal.

Crushed and scratched, this is me ; my broken mind is truly lovely.

It’s been years since I thought of you

Since I reflected on all I’ve put you through

Years since I considerded your needs

By you I mean I, By I, I mean me

I stopped caring about how I made you feel

Harsh words and judgments, wounds are real

I took my value from my own palms

And let the mind of others define my wrongs

Everytime I feel like you’re not enough

It’s rewarded with ever decreasing self-trust

When did I lose the last of my self-compassion?

The voices of others, an overwhelming distraction

To you I mock, judge, abuse and even lie

By you I mean me, by me, I mean I

Its my own fault that I feel this way

My own disregard for the lost soul I slay

This is the problem, the cycle is on repeat

From my own torment, I cannot retreat

My last ally and my enemy are of one kind

both reside in my lovely broken mind

Where to start and where to stop

from beginning to end

it feels as though a nightmare

has been written and rewritten

over and over again

on my skull's corridor walls

in these endless loops of agony

a labyrinth with no entry nor exit door

it keeps on messing with my every turn

rearranging as it pleases

in needs no permissions

it's a mere head on its own

does as it pleases as if am not there

i wake up because i must

but if i could, i would say goodnight only once

i would shut my eyes one last time

and hope that tomorrow

would be better or gone

my emotions can not follow rules and lines

they rebel against me, my past, and my time

it wished to protect me

but all it does is to break me

just as these verses don't rhyme

my mind is even messier than this

sentences don't start with a letter

rather numbers, screams, or even void

I don't know how long have i ​been in pain,

but i know that want it to end

one day i want to wake up

and think that it's going to be ok,

without having to swallow any remedies n

or drink any tee

just by being next to someone

who cares for me more than I care for myself,

because I don't care anymore

I don't remember when I last cared

I smile for everyone to see.

I keep moving forward each day but...

I don’t know where I am going.

I feel like it is nowhere but I’m going so fast.

I’m spinning most days. So fast.

In and out of work.

In and out of home.

I smile.

They don’t see my anxiety.

I’m trembling inside.

They don’t see my depression.

I’m so despondent, so sad.

I need my purpose. I can’t find it.

I’ve looked. And I’ve looked. And I’ve looked.

I am so tired. Everything inside me hurts.

But I smile.

variegated thoughts and

crystalline compulsions;

refractory to hope and

the death of something,

sacred.

screechings from within,

clawing at the the surface;

there is no air,

the liquid sky roils;

sinking.

the prelude to death,

sanctimonious pontifications,

the absurdity of a burdened

mind, wilting, it waits;

alone.

It's hard to breathe here,

You’re suffocating in toxicity.

You try to blink back tears and can taste their salt,

wounds may heal but scars remember their own pain.

You want escape so you seek refuge in the safe corners of your brain.

You feel yourself slipping deeper but you fight back and at times,not only survive- you thrive.

But you know this will be short-lived,

For the shadows

always creep back in- stealing the light,

And you’re dragged back down into darkness like night,

Into those places where the pain runs deep,

Into memories like nightmares that won't allow you to sleep.

want to have my cake and eat it too

fill up on sweet gestures and sticky lies

swallowing feelings like a dry bread

choking on quick bites

i feel like a bloated whale

ready to explode and cover you in my insides

or maybe just vomit on the floor

i’ve bitten off more than i can chew

all of the other girls

eat whatever they want

sharp ribs and revealing clothes like secrets

maybe i’ll become a skeleton too

From the gaps between infected synapse drifts an acrid smoke

A signal to swear that "Your mind is NOWHERE..." came the gray voice, the only truth it ever spoke

Knots form after Invega's poke which is the latest injected joke

This is the final psychological downstroke-

This is the army of demons I invoke

And what am I to do when delirium is as blue as Neptune's clouds and just as cold...?

Under sheer madness, I warp, I fold

No longer a precious metal..

No longer tinted gold

Mind set aflame, I can't be certain of my name or perhaps it is that I have simply detached

But in the dark, eyes the shade of electrical spark, watched as a new breed of insanity hatched

To a chemical mist, I wildly latched and at a mental itch, I frantically scratched, thoughts trapped beneath my splitting, bloody nails

No matter how loud or the size of the present crowd, it's as though no one can hear my psychic wails

What this entails is a suffering with six tattered sails; a broken and capsizing ship of a feeling

And delirium is blue-

There's something ELSE about it, too-

It's a predator, it's talent sanity stealing