How well do I take criticism? Psh. Water off my back! Now get out of here so I can excessively obsess about it for the next five hundred years.

Now what did he mean by...?

Oh, you bet I would take that shit apart and analyze every goddamn molecule of it.

The intent being that after every word and facial expression have been thoroughly vivisected, I would maybe carve out a pearl of somewhat helpful knowledge.

Then I get over it. Then it starts over again.

Such is life.

It's true that (most) humans are naturally hardwired for negativity. Any negative feedback weighs that much more heavily on our soft brains than positive feedback.

Sounds terrible, right? Then again, nobody wants a bunch of yes men saying "Yay! You're great and everything you do is great!" all the time. Now that sounds worse if you ask me.

I do like my criticism dressed up. Maybe don't come right out of the gate with "It sucked!

You suck! Don't quit your day job!" That might be a little harsh. Maybe add a little compliment here and there, you know, dress it up a little: "You did great! I would have done it completely differently in this other much better way though. But you did great!"

Oh wait, I take that back. That would just make me excessively suspicious of compliments. Oh wow, thank you. Wait. Did you really mean all that good stuff or were you just softening the punch?

But in all seriousness, we all need some tough love now and then. It's what forces us to grow. Otherwise we would just stay stagnant basking in all our self deluded greatness and never get anywhere.

Having said that, often times, we are our own worst critics. And we're usually not very kind to ourselves. We should work on that.

i'd like to think

that i could

take criticism in stride

and embrace it

like an old friend.

after all, i'm not perfect:

nobody is.

when people ask me for criticism i am

noncommital

and i give

no real answer

because i feel like

i'm being mean.

so it's no surprise that

criticism feels like cruelty.

i want to improve

but criticism feels like failure

and i'm tired of failing

at everything i do.

i need my words to be cushioned

like pillows at the bottom of a cliff

because i tell people i'm not afraid of heights

but the drop is formidable.

i'll ask for your opinion,

but i don't really want it,

and yet i need it

i crave it-

as long as it's "nice."

everyone's a critic

including myself

but my own insecurity

doesn't numb me to the

suggestions

of everyone else.

and yet

i don't want

to listen.

no, i don't take criticism well.

Criticism sticks to me like glue; it crumples my self-confidence like tissue paper and has the tendency to make me spiral. I hate it, but I know I need it, at least the ones that allow me to improve and grow, but they always feel the same; pointed, jagged, bitter, malicious. It's not a form of rejection but my ego convinces me otherwise. Where I derive my self-worth from external praises and validation, criticism is the opposite of what my ego wants so I run, far away, and cower like the coward I am. Criticism hurts more than physical wounds, it's a mental fatigue that hangs over you like a portent, only because I can't, won't let go.

I can't.

I tried.

Didn't work out well.

Yes, it would be better if I could.

But a lifetime of it.

I don't think I should.

Then again,

Maybe.

I could try.

Would it change me?

Or would I just question why?

Over the years I have learned a lot from my critics.

Speffically I have learned a lot of the wrong lessons.

I learned lessons like not to value myself as a human being for something that only God could have prevented or fixed.

I learned lessons like not to love myself the way God does and that I should hate myself the way the devil does.

It took a lot and several miracles of time to unlearn those lessons and the end result is that while I handle critisim better than I used to one of the lessons I will probably never unlearn is to be tough on my critics.

I can take a well put critique.

However, some people do not know the difference between criticizing and critique.

It can sound personal and mean spirited when being criticized about your art. We have all read newspaper articles that came across very painful to the one criticized.

For me it would depend on the subject, tone, and what was said.

I know my hair color shouldn’t have anything to do with it, however, redheads tend to have a fire in us that others don’t. Unfortunately, I have a flash temper, I’ve been working very hard to keep it under control but it’s a task compared to holding down a Dragon!

All that is to say I strive to take good criticism well, but I fail some times.

From people I respect, I can take criticism okay if it's not delivered in a shitty way. Usually in those situations, I know that the person who is criticizing me is just trying to help me grow. I don't respond well to being spoken down to or feeling like I'm being berated, but then again, no one really does.

If I don't respect someone or feel as if the point is completely invalid, I will either get really annoyed and mouthy or I'll shrug it off- not much of an middle ground between the two.

From romantic partners, I take criticism very poorly...I've been in some highly toxic situations so it is easy for me to interpret criticism as an outright attack, especially if it's brought up in a disagreement of some sort. I started seeing a therapist for that sort of thing.

I get that criticism is necessary to change and become a more well-rounded version of yourself, but it is also easily weaponized in both blatant and subtle ways. The lines between the two blur a little for me sometimes.

I can't.

Nope, not one bit. At first, that is.

The fear of rejection is as real as a raging bull elephant trampling you to jelly if you run smack into him in the bush.

Crushing.

It's as real as the Earth is round.

Undeniable.

When I finally build the courage to put my baby out there and it comes back smeared in red ink. Or if my reader says that they have some thoughts...I instantly go on edge. I become defensive. Like a cornered animal I lash out regardless of their intentions. Sure the criticism is probably constructive and will probably help my writing and story, but I am not ready for it.

I know it is for the best, but I want platitudes. Tell me I am good so I can justify my existence! I have no confidence! I cry for help! But I need your criticism, so I can in fact become better.

Shoot me with a dose on tranquilizer and let me ruminate in a hazy of half baked thoughts. Then and only then will I realize the quality of the critique and be able to make use of it.

I can.

Yes, every bit.

But, not at first.