. “Do they speak Irish in Russia?”

. “Have you heard of the Bermuda Triangle? My theory is that there’s aliens in it.”

. Teacher: “Any questions about the maths test?”

“What does pre-cipitate mean?”

Teacher: “Is that in your maths somewhere?”

“No! It’s just a word I found in my head and I wanted to know what it means!”

. “Oh … I drew my dad a bit too fat. Then again, I guess he is, if you think about it.”

. “He was chasing me in tag and I didn’t look where I was going, so I hit my head on a pole in the playground. I had a big egg on my forehead. But it was so romantic.”

. “Look guys, I brought my pet to school. She’s Helena and you can ride her.”

Me: “If having a piggy-back on me makes me your pet, does that mean that when you wear a backpack, you’re the backpack’s pet?”

“Yep.”

“It sounds like you’ve thought about that before.”

“I have. I think about everything.”

. “I threw butter, and I found out butter flies.”

. "Am I being really obnoxious?"

. “We had a word in schoolwork today. It was “ought”, and I was like, what? That’s not even a word!”

. "We need to brainwash Helena."

. "What? China isn't in Asia. Asia's a country. China's near Asia. China's a continent. You need to do your geography, Helena."

. "They sacrificed me in the game. They made a lot of sacrifications."

. "I don't get it, I ate heaps before I went swimming because fat's supposed to make you float, but I'm still sinking!"

. “People ask, would you rather have a million dollars or a million friends? And I’d rather have a million friends, because then I’d sell them chocolate bars for $4.50 each week and become a billionaire!”

. "Potatoes are bad. They steal the fame of carrots."

. “They should make left handed cups.”

. "Big people don’t get sad.”

. “How much pencils do you got?” (let’s just say that farm kids aren’t too concerned about grammar)

. "Did you know glitter makes everything good?"

. "That little kid’s really annoying! Don’t make eye contact. He’s always riding his bike around and wanting to do something. Oh … that sounds like me … but he’s much littler and much more annoying.”

. “My mum told me that if anyone annoys me, I should just punch them.”

. “I just thinked up a genius plan.”

. “Imagine if it rained carrots. That would be painful.”

. “Helena, did you know that your eyebrows are beautiful?”

. “You would make a perfect part of my family, because you always laugh at my jokes.”

My three-year-old cousin was staring up at the night sky. After a moment, he turned to me and said thoughtfully, “When the dark comes up…it’s dark.“

I asked my five-year-old brother when his birthday was once, and he thought for a moment and then exclaimed, “Octemberary!”

When he was told that wasn‘t a month, he replied in frustration, “Why does that matter? I KNOW I’m still going to be six!”

Before I started working in a daycare, I felt that I was fairly well-prepared for the job. But one thing that I was not prepared for was how many philosophical discussions children have.

I guess it shouldn’t surprise me. Everything is so new to them. A four or five-year-old child has the intelligence to think and reason, but he doesn’t have experience of the world. There’s so much that he doesn’t know, and so much that he wants to know! It makes sense that kids are so full of questions.

Most of the time, my solution was to let the children have their discussions and come up with their own answers. Many of them were parroting what they had heard their parents say or what they heard in church. But there was one answer that I will never forget.

During a discussion about God, one little preschool girl proclaimed that “God is the king of church!”Honestly, I couldn't argue with her!

This little girl I know (6 years old) got some lotion from her parents because her hands were dry. She comes down the stairs and proudly declares

"I SMELL LIKE A MAN!" And then proceeded to have everyone smell her hands. Apparently what a man smells like is lavender and body wash.

My little cousin on Thanksgiving explained that she wanted dessert her mother said that she didn't finish her healthy food so she couldn't have any she says that

"I am only hungry for sweets." (or something along those lines) Then proceeded to explain that she should have dessert because they "fill her down" so she can eat more healthy stuff.

Oooo this is such a fun challenge! I happen to have quite a few quotes because I save them in little notes whenever I hear a kid at a restaurant discussing adding to the conversation or a toddler in line at the grocery store playing with their sibling. Among my favorites are:

"I wasn't chicken... I was just running away."

"I would be a good homeless person."

"Holding farts is painful."

"Yeah, it's mama's hair; it's grey."

"I broke the door down with my rad muscles, my BULGING muscles!"

"Tomorrow we be dogs."

"It's because you don't listen to me like I'm a bug."

"Now I feel like a real man."

"You're a squid's mouth claw."

"Feel my tongue; it's already sweating."

"You're not foolin' anyone super white, super blonde cheerleader girl."

"It's hard to write in ketchup, ok?"

"Is that a headless baby?"

I worked for 5 months at my local elementary school as a YMCA group leader, watching over kids from the building until their parents came to pick them up. I have never before or since been around and in charge of so many children at once.

Because, I guess, they trusted me enough, they endowed upon me some of their most secret questions and concerns. The following is a list of real things I was told or asked throughout my time at that job.

• “I think the color green is for girls because ‘NAME REDACTED’ left me for my brother.”

• “Trees are upside down!”

• “I want to play with scissors on his face!”

• “When I was gone, did ‘NAME REDACTED’ cry?”

• “He’s crying because he likes poop.”

• “I walk like this because I’m Russian.”

• “This is my favorite shirt. My dog ate my old favorite shirt.”

• “I have 12 girlfriends and you’re one of them, mister.”

• “Santa came to my house and hurt my brother and I laughed.”

• “I wanted to draw you a chicken because I think ‘NAME REDACTED’ looks like one. Do you think so?”

• “How do you control the numbers like that?”

• “He took my hula-hoop. Mr. Yousuf, I want to hurt him. Let me hurt him.”

• “The police are stupid. My mom said so.”

• “My brother is the stupidest person alive and my teacher thinks so too.”

• “I hate kids.”

• “I think you’re my favorite person. I’m going to miss you.”

• “These walls can’t contain me, Mr. Yousuf! I run into them all the time!”

• “He’s not very cool because he’s never beaten me at any game or any sport. I ate a slice of pizza faster than he ate a piece of celery and I still won.”

• “My dad had a stroke and now he’s richer than my mom.”

• “My brother’s a cannibal, look at him run!”

And my personal all-time favorite:

• “My brother is in the girls bathroom again, Mr. Yousuf, and he’s taking all the soap. Girls need soap, Mr. Yousuf! Girls need soap!”