Oh how I hate the way you make me think.

You mess with my mind in so many ways.

I can't define the difference between true love and fate or enemies and hate.

Oh how I hate what you do to me.

Your twisted ways keep me locked up in this hell.

My own personal jail.

I want a place where I can cry

Without fear of my wailing

Without shame of my tears

I want a place where my self-pity could

Be washed off and

Drained in the sewer of all pathetic pities

I want to cleanse me

Of my own self

I can't afford to pay electricity

for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Stumbling in the dark,

I find that my glass

is not half empty,

it's bone dry.

However,

the storm in my head never stops

with no sign of Noah anywhere.

Maybe I'm a unicorn.

The afghan that once

kept me warm at night

now suffocates me.

I can't remember how

fresh air feels in my lungs.

All I can do now is

hope that the sunlight

reaches the shadows of the tunnel,

and I can see enough

to climb out of the covers,

and make my escape.

today

depression is writing

a story

a story of Humpty Dumpty

because it's a stupid thing to do

I can make the characters

do stupid things

and it doesn't matter

because everything is stupid

today

depression is being angry 

at the sun

being so hot

because it makes people happy

and I'm not

not long ago

depression was being angry

at the rain

for being wet

because it made people miserable

like me

and I wanted to be different 

tomorrow

maybe the depression

will go away

for a while

and I won't need

to make Humpty Dumpty

have sex with Princess Charming

or I won't care

what the weather is like

because I'll feel better.

So what is depression?

   Wish I could say

It's a meter attached with

  Aggression

No choice you pay everyday

  Sometimes you can

 Just wake up

Fucked right from the start

And sometimes it can

 Put a heavy strain

On Your heart

You can suddenly cry or

Laugh like a maniac

Or my personal

Favorite the no warning

Panic attack

Sometimes shit can leave

You on the floor

Crying never

 Wanting any more

It’s a Rollercoaster 

Most of the time

Psychological

 Psychical 

Mental 

Pitiful

It’s only there

 To make 

You fuckin 

Hate

Your soul

It's a power you

 Cannot control 

Mind and heart

Usually taking the wheel

And its not very often 

That you can make a deal

Daniel 

       J         

Dabney  

06-17-16

And my fucked up mind 

Emptiness

A world void of all meaning

Numbness

Desiring to feel anything

I'm too tired

I lack motivation to arise

Give me a reason

A truth within the lies

The world is grey

Colors have died

Nightmarish reality dictates

Hope has gone to hide

Depression is like a mask

It hides your true face

Your smile is painted

Your feelings are blank

Sometimes you forget it's there

That's when it gets worse

The mask fuses to your face

Like a symbiotic parasite

Leeching away your life

The mask then gets heavier

As your body rots inside

Until all you are left

Is an empty shell

But the mask still remains