So you think you're a writer, dear self? 

Get in line! So does everybody else.

 It's 2017, The Era of The Opinionated Commenter, The Golden Age of BuzzFeed, and everyone with an iPhone and at least one working thumb thinks they could be the next J.K. Rowling or Stephen King with a little luck and a lot of coffee. You of all people should know that having a "unique viewpoint" isn't very unique at all, and certainly doesn't make you a writer. 

At best, it makes you an English major. 

At worst, it makes you a smartass. 

You're both, but you're especially a smartass. A chubby smartass who won't shut up about her own chubbiness, and that doesn't make you a writer. 

It doesn't make you Lena Dunham. Nobody likes Lena Dunham anyway, so why would they like you? Answer: they wouldn't. They don't. 

And wearing black-rimmed hipster glasses does not make you Tina Fey. Tina Fey is a whip-smart, articulate, brilliant wordsmith who can dissect the fabric of society within a sentence. You left Tumblr because you couldn't deal with a few mean comments. There's a bit of a difference there. 

You think you're a writer, dear self? Think again. 

Charlton Ghosh. What is up with that pen name? I mean really, why do you want "ghosh" as your last name? I guess it could be useful late at night when your having fun, "Oh Ghosh! Oh Ghosh!" But aside from that slight appeal, I can't see any reason to have a mild expletive as your last name. And it is such a mild expletive that it makes ketchup look like a ghost pepper. If you resort to a pen name like that, I can only imagine you have an embarrassing name that your trying to hide.

And your appearance is terribly horrible. All acne spots and half shaved mess. You need to shave better; you do know that don't you? You should also take a shower more often. You would probably make a pig gag if he walked within twenty feet of you.

Oh and your writing style is out dated. I bet your trying to be a sort of Chesterton 'reincarnated'. Stop with the philosophy, you don't know what your talking about and you will inevitably get yourself into trouble. And why, oh why?! don't you swear. You have a great vocabulary that you could dip into if you would only let it out!