Hey, you’re not here

and I’m beginning

the crux

of my tomorrows

without you

safely tucked

inside my yearning heart.

I step into bleak darkness

of pregnant clouds,

as I strain to reach

your absent hand.

My tears congeal

in stagnant rivers, as

ribbons tying us together

become frayed

and tattered shreds.

The sky ignites,

spewing out

your flickering image

in volcanoes of

gray lava, leaving

a trail down the tracks

we have trod.

Although it was time

for you to leave,

you breathe

inside me

as I try

to copy and paste

the kisses I have saved.

But where is your sun?

Hey you’re not here, and I’m knot here!

You’re knot here, and I’m knot, hear?

You’re not here, and I’m not, hear!?

You’re not, hear?! and I’m not ear!!

You’re not ‘ere and I’m not ’ere!

You’re here ’n I’M here…

U’R, here; I’M, here

U’R, I’M…

R, I?

!?

Hey you’re not here, and I’m knot here!

You’re knot here, and I’m knot, hear?

You’re not here, and I’m not, hear!?

You’re not, hear?! and I’m not ear!!

You’re not ‘ere and I’m not ’ere!

You’re here ‘n I’ M here…

U’R, hear; I’M, hear?

U’R, I’M here...

U 'R, I 'M 

We 'R 

Here!

Two souls in two different worlds

Once had nothin to fear,

And nothin to lose…

Two souls who used to be one

Now seems to be forever apart

One sees the other

The other sees the one

Both turns around like there was none

Like there was nothing to see

Nothing to feel

One stays silent

All through these years…

Hiding the pain he felt

For so many years…

He yearns for her voice,

He yearns for her laugh

But not even time can heal the pain

So he just sobs…

He wonders if that other soul

The one he loved so whole

Does she miss him like he do?

Or does she love another one or two…

Two souls in two different worlds

Has their love gone & has it grown old?

Once used to say three words to each other

Oh so true…

But now they’re just two different souls,

And it’s the harsh truth..

Two souls in two different worlds

Away from each other

Living on their own little world

With one forever wondering

If the other one still loves him like before…

My cell phone. rang. I grabbed it and quickly looked at the caller ID. 

     "What?" I answered the phone.

     "Hey!" My ears were met by the screech of Camelia's voice. "Drew! That is no way to answer the phone!"

     "Whatcha want?" I asked.

     "Just seeing what you were up to," She said. Camelia is that type of person.

     "Hey, you're not here and I'm doing whatever the blue hades I wanna.Understand?" I was sorry I was missing the look on Camelia's face. 

     "Bye," And then the phone went dead.

     I am living the life of an annoying friend. Oh Yeah!

Something has happened. I'm not sure what, but I can tell something isn't right. I went on a date with a cute guy, but now I'm here. Where is here?

I try to call out, but my voice is so soft and it hurts my throat. My brother will be so worried. He has raised me to be thoughtful and strong. I think to him even though I know he can't hear me, please help me. My phone buzzes next to me. Five percent. One text only. Better make it worth it. I pull up the text thread with my brother. Not much longer before it dies. Hey, you aren't here, I'm.... Well I don't know where I am. Please send help. Please find me.

My phone buzzes. It's my sister. I unlock my phone. Hey, you aren't here, I'm.... Well I don't know where I am. Please send help. Please find me. I have a friend that graduated high school early to become a police officer. I called her up and told her I had an emergency and she needed to come over.

Carol arrived ten minutes later. I showed her the text. She asked me questions. All I could tell her was she went on a date last night and never came back. At seventeen, I could still call in as a missing person. I want Carol's opinion first, to see if she might be messing with me. The look on her face and her tone of voice told me differently. She called it in so they could start searching as soon as possible.

It's been a year. Karly, where are you? I know you won't answer because your phone is dead. Please be safe. I don't know what I would do if I lost you too. After losing our parents three years earlier, this would be horrible. We were both trying to get over their deaths. I couldn't lose my sister too. She was all I had left. Carol told me earlier today the case went cold. There where no leads, even after taking her date into custody. No one knew where she went.

It's been two years, Karly. Please tell me what happened. I need to know. Your case went cold last year because we can't find you. A therapist prescribed my with antidepressant medication because I fell into depression. I'm told to consider my sister as dead and to start funeral plans. I want to cry all the time. I can't handle being alone. I beg for her not to be gone.

Third year of her not being here. Hey, your not here, I'm still looking for you. Please be okay. I text her, but she won't get it. Her phone is dead and has been. Three years is too long. I said that if we couldn't find her by year four we could have the funeral. I have been making plans for it this year.

Karly Ann Smith

Loving sister and daughter

Rest in peace

Hey, you're not here and I'm sitting at my cubicle watching the clock, but you don't know about 9-to-5s. I don't know why I even think of you. It's been a while, and there wasn't much to think of to begin with. 

Hey, you're not here, and I'm at the tequila bar on 6th street doing shots. I haven't made it home before three this whole week. I'll probably end tonight hunched over a toilet expelling half-digested tortilla chips and guacamole. If you were still here, I'd probably be throwing up anyways. 

Hey, you're not here and I'm in my cubicle again, and thinking of when you were. You weren't in the city for a long time, but you got to see Brooklyn. We left work early, and took the Q from Union Square and got off at DeKalb. Subways make me sick. I'm sensitive to motion. I wonder if you were too. I wonder how much like me you would have been. 

Did you know when we walked into the clinic? What were you thinking? Did you hate me? All this time–did you hate me more than you loved me? Did you have enough time to form those emotions? 

"It's done," the doctor said, and I thought, hey, then stopped. He held a Petri dish out to me. "Do you want to take a look?"

Hey–

I swallowed, shook my head, look away. I heard the plastic clatter into one of his many wastebaskets. 

It's done. 

Hey–

It's done. 

Hey–

You can't hate me anymore. I made sure of that. But I'll do it for you. 

I can't fall asleep anymore. I'm scared if I close my eyes, I'll never wake up. That itself would be okay. I'm scared because I'll have to face you if I die. When I die, I mean. Because we're all gonna die. And I can't face you. 

Hey, you're not here, and it was my choice. Hey, you're not here, and you can't come back. 

Hey, you're not here and I said I wouldn't care, but I'm sitting at my cubicle watching the clock and thinking of you even though there's nothing to think about. You weren't anything. You had no time. I gave you no time–no, not quite. I took away all your time except a few short weeks. 

 Hey, you're not here and it's my fault.

 Hey, you're not here, and I wish you were.   

Hey, you're not here and I'm floating atop the wishing well seeking conviction from anyone who's ever looked me in my eyes and wondered...who are you? It was you all the time, since conception, that gave me an identity to just be. I did not need approval or recognition to be...to exist. Now, you have gone and I'm looking into these waters, and nothing looks back at me. I am void and without shape hovering the waters in total darkness. I feel I have made my escape. Only, I don't know where I've gone or where you've gone. I don't know what or who I am or what or who you were. Like a pearl snatched from the lips of oysters, lightning firing away from the clouds, and dug up diamonds from under caves, I am free.

Hey, you're not here and I'm doing just fine. Amazing actually- better than ever. Just like I said I'd be. When I told you to leave I knew I'd be good but I didn't know just how strong I would be without you. You were a chain, a burden, and brought anxiety to my soul. So don't come back, you really were never warranted in my life anyway. Your absence helped me realize that you brought out the very worst in me. I'm stronger than I've ever been, and I'm never looking back to you. You disguised my strengths as weaknesses and made the beautiful parts of me feel ugly. "Thanks" for being the motivation for words in the night, the negative whisper in my ear, the voice of no reason that I never have to hear. I packed your shit, it's on the curb. Maybe someone who deserves those things will pick them up first, or they can go in the trash. After all they belong to garbage.

Hey, you're not here and I'm starting to wonder,

Have you ever loved me?

Could alcohol be you cover?

Will you leave and flee?

Its bitter taste,

The drunkenness that tears,

The stumbling nights late,

The mindless affairs,

The memory less painful than the headache,

The headache that comes with morning,

Or is it afternoon that you finally wake?

You wouldn't bother learning.

Will you press on?

I'm your only girl,

My childhood almost gone,

Will you give your drink a swirl?

Soon I'll be traveling about,

I don't have time to waste,

Your chance as mother is running out,

If you love me, act with haste.

Hey, you're not here and I'm with you. We are neither here nor there, surviving the ups and downs, the ins and outs, and the ways and means. Cause and effect become our chicken and the egg--the horse and the cart. If you say yes and I say no, we will always celebrate meeting halfway. Looking both backward and forward, time and time again, we finally enjoy our ward and reward--sublimation. Take it from me, if you give it to me, it's give and take, tit for tat, two backs scratched, immeasurable measure for measure. It's unfair to expect that from hate, but it's only fair that we ask that of love.