“Exposed”
If I exposed myself, I’d become a target: a victim to those with lust-filled eyes or hedonistic tendencies; or someone who steals material things, people’s lives or their trust.
If I exposed myself, I’d become replaceable: friends would leave and never come back, family would disown me and I’d be all alone in this world; or someone who blames the world, thinking people are cruel and heartless, that life is unfair and that suicide is a blessing.
If I exposed myself, I’d become fearful: people would judge me, use me without thought to my feelings, and have me at their mercy; or someone that’s weak, letting others beat me down with their fists and their words, my silence giving permission and my obedience giving them strength.
If I exposed myself, I’d become cruel: trusting nothing and no one, not even the ones I loved, as their words would sound like honeyed lies; or someone I hate, looking in the mirror with utter disdain at what I’ve become.
If I exposed myself, I’d become the real me: open for anyone to either accept or deny, their words either empowering or enslaving, a risk I have to be willing to take; or someone I don’t recognize, a part of myself that was hidden so long ago that I’ve forgotten.
This is how it feels to be exposed.
#xjenvanx, #challenge, #exposed, #exposing
Someone Else is in Charge
At the begining of the year I lost control of my mind and my body. I gave control over to my eating disorder. Ever since then I have lied to everyone I know about, well, about everything. I got an eating disorder by seeking control in my life and now I have zero control due to the voice in my head.