Sizzling embers

masqerade.

Mischievous midnight

sinks her

scolding teeth.

Burn away

somber September

blues,

Betrayal breathes

by fall’s

remorse.

I have many holes in my heart. They are extremely hard to cure and get rid of because like I've said before, it's hard to believe you're something you're not. It's hard to believe that you're smart, talented, funny, pretty when you've been told otherwise by the ones who mean the most to you. And the ones that mean the most, hurt the most. So therefore, they have left and caused many holes in my precious heart.

Numb the pain

Just one more shot

Bulletproof even when I’m not

Forget the shame

Lets tell the truth

We know we’re vain

We just blame the youth

I drive the car

This night is cold

Or maybe not

I’m just outsold

Who knows why and who knows how

You are all i need to hold right now

But you’re not... here...

So I change the gears

...and die

Oh oh oh

IN MY MIND

I go through everything we’ve been through

I walk down the road that you took me to

And I can’t seem to find

Any reason to be happy now

Hold on teach me how to smile again

Don’t go, Don’t say goodbye just yet

Coz maybe I learn to heal all the hurt

And maybe you’re the man that I deserve

But you’re not... here

So I change the gears

...and cry

I hate this goodbye

Please

oh

please

oh

please dont go

I go through everything we’ve been through

I walk down the road that you took me to

You I can’t seem to find

I’m losing my mind

Hold on lets play the song again

Don‘t go don‘t leave me alone just yet

And maybe I learn to get rid of my dirt

Coz maybe you’re not the man that I deserve

Numb the pain

Just one more shot

Im bulletproof even when im not.

Sounds of screams and shattering in the late hours scar my eardrums.

Not even earplugs can drown the heart pulsing noise years after it has ceased.

“He did this, not me, he did this not me” rings over and over again.

Muted sobs are heard in the corner where my little brother is curled.

My father paces engulfed by heavy breathing and a pale complexion.

Whispers surround us... "Can you believe it?" I hear, "poor girl", they say with a hint of giddiness in their voices.

Anger and resentment greet me.

Sadness accepts me as depression pokes holes in my heart and creates a large empty space where happiness once resided.

The silence these days is deafening.

We share a single space, but the distance remains; getting further and further with each passing day.

I've become numb, but my body remembers.

Each passing noise in the night makes me jolt as though my soul is about to exit my body.

I inhale then exhale.

I wonder if my heart will ever be whole again or if happiness is only a distant memory.

The wounds are an addiction,

I can never seem to break

The endless nights of angst, it might be tradition

At this point, maybe fake.

I wouldn’t know

I’m blind to the faults,

and I trip on the cracks

and fall again into the cover show

of flashing lights and panic attacks

closing skies and no escape.

Static building, charcoal road

Overturn unturned stones

And keep walking,

but falling,

and running,

and calling

and drowning

and crying

and failing

and lying.

It’s okay.

It’s not,

I know.

I know that,

thanks.

It’s still there, those words,

I never forgot,

I didn’t want to know them,

but they never went away,

And I know it’s not okay,

Feeling this way,

Is it?

I said, a while back,

No, it wasn’t,

but maybe it is

maybe it could be

maybe we could be

maybe you could be

maybe we were

maybe it was

maybe you never

maybe we didn’t

maybe we should

maybe I shouldn’t

maybe I could

maybe you knew

maybe you’d want that

maybe we did

or maybe we should go

and maybe I should stay

maybe I could try it

maybe I could run

maybe you might love me

and maybe I could forgive you

and maybe then...

My calamity...is vanity

I can’t stand to speak because I can’t stand the peace.

Your a piece...

of magnificent beauty.

See you subdue me.

Put that on my lips just to convey how I feel ever so truly.

Your cutie. Without the pie.

Watch your smile as you look me in my eyes and it drives me wild because I'm instantaneously hypnotized.

Then I realize.

A life spent or lives spent, searching for someone that got you feeling like this.

Is lifeless!

Find beauty in the mirror.

Once upon a heartbreak, made me think so much clearer.

Can’t stand to be near her.

Solely because I must fear her...

Love and Comfort.

I’m trashy like a dumpster.

A dummy if I dump her.

But once I look into her eyes. I...

am done for.

What’s the point of love when it’s to this extent.

You got me bent.

Up out of shape.

Swear to god I hate.

The way you make.

Me contemplate.

Forever....or never.

Either way, without you my life is way better.

Empty spaces

Empty places

Where love once had a place

Areas of wasted space.

Now there’s only an open void

The love that was, has now been destroyed.

Lucky me!

Yes! It’s good for me!

For now there isn’t the pain, you see?

I think I need more holes like these,

My heart can look just like Swiss cheese!

Less heart equals less hurt!

Oh! I think I’ve got it now,

So to the ones who gave me the empty spaces

You did a great job and left no traces

You may humbly take a bow..

All the little holes left on my heart is a Crater filled with Disappointments and Memories

of

a

Failed Love.