I want to

o v e r c o m e

I want to be fearless

I don't want to hide

I want to live

I want to be able

to speak when I

believe

in what I say

and I want to connect

I want to learn how

to not forget those who love me

and to hold onto the things

I love

I want to

o v e r c o m e

I want to be fearless enough

courageous enough

to love

and accept love

I want to create

express

flounder

flourish

fail

and o v e r c o m e

but i fear i dont have the strength : and sometimes wants feel like fantasies

If I tried,

would that be enough?

If I grew wings and flew beyond your imagination,

would that be enough?

If I kept my head down in my school books,

would that be enough?

Tell me mom,

will being a societal success make you happy? Would that be enough to make you happy? Would having a stable okay life be enough to make me worth being your daughter?

or...

Would I be enough being me?

Would you love me if I chased my dreams?

Would me being happy be enough to make you happy?

If I traveled the world and never got married,

would that be enough?

If I moved to an isolated haven and read books every day,

would that be enough?

If I wrote for a living,

would that be enough?

Tell me mom,

please tell me

that living out my dreams

is enough for you to love me.

I want to go to college and become a therapist, specifically in relationship/marriage therapy. I've known what to do for years and this is how I want to contribute to other people's lives and fufill my life.

I want to publish at least three books. I would love to see a book I wrote in a public library.

I want to eventually get married and have kids.

I want to be active in the fight against global warming an help the people and animals that are affected by global warming.

I want to help people and help myself.

I want to be able to step off the sidewalk to get where I'm meant to be.

To have the courage to let go of the hands holding me back, and run across the street.

To look up and smile, not be afraid to shine.

To trust with my whole self that the stars mean what they say.

To know that when I fall, I'll have someone there to catch me.

To say yes for the first time again in forever.

To give myself again to someone else without fearing what happened before.

To realize that the things I'm meant to do might not be alone.

To see that I shouldn't be scared to walk onto that stage with him.

To tell the world every story I share with him.

To walk the paths of hell with him.

To stand side by side until the end.

To not spend a night alone again.

To be there, a friend, or whatever more, for him.

My goals and dreams have flucuated frequently (as these things tend to) but what has always remained is this: to be a wife, to be a mother, to make a living off of a creative pursuit. At the time of writing this, I am a newlywed(ish), I am five months pregnant, and I have gotten back on this website after a four year hiatus. I'm crafting stories and putting together pieces that have been in my head for ages and am getting new and intriguing prompts on the website every day. A friend gave me a book on writing 6 years ago and I am finally reading it after all this time.

Even if writing does not end up being what puts food on the table, I can take solace in knowing that the love for words has not left me, and that the love of a family has found me. I am about to take some major time off work, especially given our daughter will be in the NICU for some time and I hope to be able to channel the time alone and heavy emotional burden into something beautiful.

I want my daughter to grow up strong, smart, and have the same love for art that my husband and I do. I hope to see her successful and independent and not fall victim to the same traps that I did in my youth. I hope for us to have a more stable home life than my husband and I did growing up and for us to always stay strong as a unit, no matter what comes our way.

I dream of seeing more writers and creators move from the internet and lined notebooks into bigger and better things. I do not care about a saturated market, I only want to see a genuine one. There's an infinite number of voices, and entire lifetimes to experience them. I want artists to be able to cut through the trappings and politics of the fine art world so that they can proudly display canvases on their terms. I want poets to not be held back by their bios or stack of rejection letters. I want musicians to not be controlled by sponsorship or feel as if the only route to success is through endorsing things they do not believe in.

Some of these dreams are easily accessible. Some of them are lush and lofty. They all occupy space in my head, even if it is to varying degrees.

1) Run away to work in a bakery in France that sells the best crossiants around but also has healthy competition wiith the cute boy’s bakery down the street. Live in a second story apartment a few blocks away so I can ride a vintage bike over to work in the morning, compelte my shift by noon and work on a rennisance romance novel in the afternoon. Ideally with a coffee or latte in hand. Go for eveing strolls along the Seine, visit culture rich museums and go though parks on my bike after buying groceries from a local market.

2) Watch a meteor shower in the early hours aftee midnight on the top of a vintage car with:

- a layered plaid blanket

- black boots

- telescope

- some chocolate

- no city lights

- the sound of crickets

in crisp air on the side of a country road with nothing around for miles except for me and my s.o.

3) Fall in love

I want Society, unbroken,

familiar words unspoken,

yes to be yes and no to be no.

Wanting, not having to go.

Am I asking for too much

when I expect The Good and such?