It is fortuitous, really, that we

we should meet at this juncture. You see, I just

convalesced and an ready for a fight.

In typical fashion, you spew venom.

Were you not viewed as pitiful, I'd laugh.

Thank you, for serving to keep me alert.

Stars twinkle down on me

Through the spindly branches

Of the reaching trees

That struggle to reach

Toward the midnight painted sky

My light lights up the dark

And I watch as shadows

Dance through the midnight black

They reach for me

And threaten to strangle me

And douse my light

But shadows do not frighten me

Because they are born from the light

Let the midnight paint me a picture

Without the artificial stars

Let me fall asleep with twinkles

Smiling from the midnight sky

My world had become an abyss of swirling patterns of every hue imaginable, shifting, warping, whirling until I had no direction, no sense of up, down, west, east, north, south. It was incomparable to any mortal experience. I felt as a powerless god, free to do nothing but revel in the incomprehensible scenery, but I wanted no other power. I was free falling, yet motionless- awake, but asleep. My world was that of fantasy, yet it was all exposition, for there could be no plot in that place free from time and motion. No hero could break from the abnormal normalities. No villain could stand out against the constant cerebral chaos. I was seemingly alone with the colors. And then the colors stopped moving and all that remained was a purple sheet. I was taken aback. It was so plain, so mundane in comparison to the complications of the past setting, and yet just as amazing in its simplistic character. Nothing broke the pattern of uniformity, everything complied and bent to be one, an all encompassing canvas without texture, so obvious that it was obscure.

I apologize in advance. Because maybe it will be years, but I will leave. Or maybe it won’t be. Maybe I’ll leave tomorrow. Because I don’t believe in the continuity of things and anything that’s good was meant to end. I’ll end. We will end. This thing that we built here? This empire of dreams and hopes and connections? It will crumble and I will be the cause.

But put that out of your mind. Be with me now, and we can do more than just seize the day. We will prey upon time and suck the living marrow out of every moment until the hour is used, and then we will move onto the next one and that is how we will live until you are worn down and used up. And that’s when I will leave. But don’t think of that, now. It will only eat you up faster.

It’s pointless to think about the future. Use up the now in a way that leaves no future to think about. Drown yourself in the reality and don’t come up for air. You only think you need it. Whatever you do, don’t slow down for breath. Don’t save yourself. What is there to save yourself for?

I am an entity of the past and of the now, so don’t expect me to remain in the moments approaching. I could snap out of being any moment, so fast you would think you imagined me. Maybe you did. That doesn’t matter. What matters is that right now, in this moment, you are alive and living.

“Have you ever been in love?”

“Once.”

“I’m in love.”

“With whom?”

“I don’t think anyone.”

“But-“

“Why does there need to be a someone to fall in love? I think I’m on love with the idea of love and damn it hurts, but it’s love.”

I fight myself everyday

to tell myself it's not weak

because I can't do this alone

When the opponent is yourself,

it's a pretty even match without reinforcements.

and you can only fight yourself for so long before it kills you

I had let it go on long enough

My anxiety leading to body dysmorphia leading to anorexia.

My mental fight had turned to a physical one.

So I asked for help.

And I'm still crumbling.

But maybe a little less.