I just wanted to be with you

wanted to be apart of your history

but not like this,

God not like this!

I understand what I've done,

but I can't take full responsibility,

you control my path,

not me,

as you like to think

you can blame me all you want,

but all I did was show you your faults

your struggle to enforce and change

all I did was make your eyes notice them

the cracks I mean

I can't say I have only shown your eyes that though

think about your life before me

oh, how much you humans take for granted,

all until it is taken away in a mere months

I've taught you lessons that you would have never learned otherwise

so tell me why you hate me?

what is it that makes

I've tried twice, falling I mean

neither have come to fruition -

or anything really

just empty memories

or maybe a stolen glance in a crowded hallway

the first

a relationship bonded over a cracked screen

smiles and laughs shared as single lines crossed my keyboard

the first time my eyes met his,

I couldn't help but stare

watch as his eyes show his soul -

his entire story seems to be told

however, the messages grew shorter

the conversation dry like the desert in summer

every connection ever made,

blown away by a single breeze

taken from me by one who I trusted

forcing a smile when all I want to do is let the tears go

the tears I'd been holding on to for all my life

the tears that would make all of the pain go away

the second

a face hidden by hair

obstructing the story told behind it

a story I'd heard before in years past

our lives not new to each other

yet entirely new at the same time

his eyes brown,

the blandest of them all

and yet the most interesting to me

it felt right, you know?

the feeling of butterflies I got when I saw him

the wishing that I could feel his hand holding mine

steamy lines shared secretly

a relationship only for our eyes to see

never understanding where we stood

but there was hope yet,

hope in his lies

and just like that

it was gone

everything

in

a

flash

yet another stolen

but this time because of me

my mistakes

my faults

always my downfall

maybe next time I'll learn

or maybe it will be different

it will all come in due time

for the mean time I'll just watch where I'm walking

to prevent myself from falling