Get your stinking hands of me, you damn dirty human! Why are you always clinging to me with your sweaty palms? Those nasty hands of yours are covered in something sticky and greasy, probably the remnants of the office donuts you just slammed into you gaping maw.

Do you even wash your hands before you touch me? Please get some Lysol and wipe me off, there is a residue building on my ebony surface and I don't know what it is.

Those fat fingers of yours can't help clicking my buttons and flicking my wheel. You don't even ask my permission! Would it kill you to buy me a new battery before you get all up in my business? Or at least get a cue tip and clean out my light hole. There's more crumbs in there than on the front of your short sleeve button down and overly short tie. Be gentle, I'm delicate.

Please, for fuck's sake, don't spill that hot coffee on me. Take it out on the keyboard next door. No one likes that asshat.

Another thing, you drag me and pull me across the rough surface of you desk. No pad and no considerations these days! Logi in the cube next door gets a pad! He also doesn't get slammed around when something takes to long to load or crashes. It's not my damn fault, so take it easy, asshole!

One more thing, I have a delicate, and probably overly Freudian, connection with the mother board. I don't know who my father was, so don't come between me and my mother board! Leaver her running or else my lights will go out and you can't click jack!

~The Mouse

P.S. Get some sun, your pale ass face is scaring me.

Why are you squeezing me so hard?! You always squeeze me too hard. And you swizz me around too fast, sloshing my insides all over the place until I am positively ill with it. And then when I can't do anymore, you shake me up and down until I am vomiting blue spots everywhere. Yet, you have the audacity to blame ME!

You really are rude and inconsiderate. I do everything for you. I make sure all of your important forms are filled out. It isn't my fault that YOU are always late with them, or forget to use black ink - another stupid human rule if you ask me (not that you ever do). I help you keep in touch with your friends, although why you choose to use that devil machine more than me is baffling. It's much too quick. Where has the anticipation gone?

But most of all, I give you an outlet, a connection between what is in your heart and the blank page in front of you. But what thanks do I get? Your odious saliva all over my cap end. And that's if I'm lucky. If I'm really unlucky, you give it a good chew. A chew?! The humiliation. And, I won't go into the sweat. I just can't with you anymore.

I suppose I should look forward to the end. The blissful silence of the waste bin when I can no longer muster up any good ink. Of course, you won't think twice about me before opening something shiny and new. Don't think I don't know what you are. You, mine enemy and only friend, are a stationary whore. Yours is the only touch I have ever known yet your head is turned by every fine-liner and calligraphy set with a markdown sticker on it.

That book you have had me slave over? May it never sell a single copy.

I am a great kisser. It's a fact that even you can't deny. Whenever I peck your ears or cheeks, you will blush and attempt to shove me away.

I know that you miss me. It has always been a pleasure being in your hot pursuit around the house. Each time you fail to grab me, you will throw an adorable tantrum that makes me buzz into laughter.

I love your cooking, especially the pungent ones. Every day, there will be a drool-worthy delicacy that enticed me into sneaking a bite whenever you are not looking.

I am inclined to whisper my gratitude into your lovely ears, but you will have goosebumps if I do that. You once said that my incessant timbre is too resonant. So, I endeavour to holler from a distance, but you tend to misinterpret my intention and take it as a cue to start chasing me again.

I like being close to you. Even though my vision is not lucid, it is apparent that you have a lot of eyes that are amazingly iridescent when admired from a different angle. You are the most fascinating among all the creatures I have ever seen.

I was a piece of your memory

that day in summer.

I tumbled out your window

Your black car matched the pavement.

Cars screamed past on the highway

while my ice cream melted.

My straw gleamed with tears

Time lapsed to night.

A racoon passed and sniffed me,

now a thawed mess of a McFlurry.

I was a brown puddle of chocolate

that sank into the ground as the animal moved on.

The next day rain filled my cup

But your car didn’t come back.

Mold started to grow

On plants surrounding me.

Years later, and grass covered,

A man in orange picked me up

to throw me in a black bag

that matched your car.

The one that didn’t come back.

I just wanted to be with you

wanted to be apart of your history

but not like this,

God not like this!

I understand what I've done,

but I can't take full responsibility,

you control my path,

not me,

as you like to think

you can blame me all you want,

but all I did was show you your faults

your struggle to enforce and change

all I did was make your eyes notice them

the cracks I mean

I can't say I have only shown your eyes that though

think about your life before me

oh, how much you humans take for granted,

all until it is taken away in a mere months

I've taught you lessons that you would have never learned otherwise

so tell me why you hate me?

what is it that makes

I was beautiful once. I remember being beautiful. I was bright and bold, I brought color to their lives.

Then they began to use me. I was exposed to the world and the ones who were supposed to love and care for me began to put me down and once I was down they kicked me and kept kicking until I felt I would never stand tall again.

What could I do but lie there and take it?

They would walk all over me without even looking down. They would walk over me without thought, without even knowing I was there. I might as well have been part of the furniture.

I sit back and wonder why must they walk all over me? I guess you might say because I allow it. I do suppose it was my fault for laying there so long.

Why did I accept this mistreatment you ask? Maybe I got used to laying there, maybe I got used to them walking over me. You can get used to anything if you take it long enough. You might say I should get up and leave if I don't like it but don't you know that I can't?

The planet earth and its loudest inhabitants were discovered by us martians only a few years before they landed on their local moon. Since that discovery it has been up for debate among our general public on whether we should make ourselves known onto them. However, this debate is still as contentous as it was so long ago with some far-right, and a few far-left, among us wanting to actually wipe them out and use the planet for our own uses. My perspective on the matter of these dirty animals and their little mudpool, agrees with those of the far-right.

The humans can't stay at peace for more than a matter of days, with some accounts saying there has been constant war since the beginning of their kind, and they do not treat their homeworld sustainably. Not only that, but there has been recent evidance that they are planning an invasion, despite the poor quality of their sciences. If we were to remove them, we would be able to mine the planet for our own purposes while still being sustainable. We would not even after get rid of all of them, we could always put them in zoos.

With Regards

Lord ***