tell me i

will be okay

that i will live

to see another day

that my efforts

are not a futile escape

to the land of make-believe

mornings come

mornings go

i find myself locked

in life’s throes

passed back and forth

by dancing waves

as i attempt to swim to shore

one day i

will be all alone

but for now

i’ll hold you close

and listen to

your beating heart

and the sound of the pouring rain

if my heart drips so profoundly

to wake my sleeping mind

and my lungs lose their purpose

when I have you by my side

then why when it was time

for a permanent goodbye

could my eyes not muster a

single tear

It's midnight and the car stops. My stop.

I thank the driver, a girl. I barely know her. She knows you. Well.

this isn't goodbye

I get out of the car. I have no more words. Not that I ever did.

My mind just as blank as my face.

this can't be the end

You get out of the car too.

I'll see you again

"One more hug," you say. Or something along the lines. I'm so numb by now I don't remember the words.

And I reach for you.

like I've always wanted to

And I bury my face in your coat, and I know you're crying. Just a little.

My eyes are dry, my words clear. As if I don't even care.

I care

"I'll visit," I laugh. I'm pulling away. His girlfriend is surely watching from the car.

don't let me go

"I'll hold you to that." He's wiping his eyes. He has no shame in feeling.

I feel everything

I feel nothing.

"Goodbye," I say, like I'll see him tomorrow. I won't.

"Goodbye." He gets back in the car. He has her. He'll be ok.

what will I do without you

I still don't feel.

if it hurts so much on the inside

why didn't I let you know

my stomach spins, my mouth is dry

my soul bleeds

and I don't even know if you know

“Your eyes hold the deepest galaxy I’ve ever seen.

But the stars, oh they shine so brightly,” she whispered.

I replied, “Because they are hugging the moon every time

I look at you.”

I smile with inner bliss, on seeing your face

I give thanks that we are here at last

morning coffee in the glow of a golden sunrise

content in this moment, I bask

We weathered the storm through many dark nights

growing closer despite all the pain

now my heart takes an europhic leap of joy

when breakfast made, you call my name.

in the midsts of the darkest day

the sun still pulsates

within the stars

( the light hides in you . my dear )

.

For years

I’ve talked to the moon

about

you.

You don't know me yet, but I am you.

I will be nesting inside your mind now;

I will always be here.

The way you see, feel, and act will be altered.

It will be as if you stepped off a train platform

and watch as I mimic you from across the tracks.

If you blink again, you'll smile at the mirror

and I will be smiling back.

I'll make you forget.

I'll make you feel.

I'll make you enraged.

You'll see how others truly see you. Weak.

They'll feel bad for you. Pathetic.

They will make you mad. Reckless.

I'll make you feel pain

in a blinding darkness.

I'll make you see

chaotic figures.

You won't know what to do.

"This is a dream," you'll say.

You will forget, too.

You'll forget how to see.

You'll forget how to feel.

How to dream.

Is this you? Or is this me?

You are aware of me.

You are always so aware.

But, the way you feel; the way you act; the way you forget....

Is that me? Or is that you?

#prose #demon #seizure #depression #anxiety #writing #fear #emotion

Me and a few friends have decided to make a group known as SUDSU. (It stands for speak up don't shut up). It's to raise awareness for sexual assault and rape. I hope you check out the website, speakupdontshutup.weebly.com, or even subscribe to the YouTube account. Let's make a difference. Together.