Painted black and blue

They escort you

into the dark

A behemoth at each side

Swallow the scream

save both of you the pity

and donʼt look back

She'll just turn a blind eye

and turn off the yellow porch light

I’ll never see the me you see

Beauty and grace 

Simple words that leave me with a bitter taste 

Fractured and flawed 

Devastatingly depraved from the world around me

But you stay

Unafraid of my dangerous mind

The poison that leaks through the cracks that I hide

Cover the holes 

The scars 

And bruises

Stuck in a state of limbo

And still you wait

Never wavering from your post

Guarding and protecting this lifeless ghost

The grains of sand that fall

Quicksand to my heart

Slowly wasting breaths 

Unapologetically insane

This disease killing the cure

Running from the masses

Hysteria heightened with each will to live

Cutting down my progress

Slowly

I sink back into my hole

Solitude excluded 

as they poke and prod

Manifesting fears that were never there

This constant state of despair 

And still you wait

You see these things as normal

when you're born into the game

Then you're old enough to

distinguish right from wrong

They didnʼt die by your hand

But they might as well have

Now you're carrying the weight

of murder by association

Thatʼs when you do

everything in your power to

walk away and leave that life behind

Even if it means crossing the

ones you're supposed to love

Though like everything else in life

It comes with a price

You pay your dues

and wash the blood

off your hands in the

backseat of a Cadillac

while the narcs live like kings

Welcome to your new normal

Dreams are crushed when

days begin and end with a

darkness set ablaze by dysfunction

The curtains and door hid

the hoards of filth and the

rodent-infested train wreck

that was 333

A byproduct of three

unwavering generations

Innocent little minds

blind to the darkened

state of chaos

were forced to create

beautiful memories

in the simple things

Sanctuary was found

behind the glass doors

where there was a

forrest in the middle a city

Days were spent in

a play-pretend world

exploring a magical forrest

where there were forty foot

bamboo plants all around

Peace was found in knowing

that there was a world outside of

333

Garland

And Columbia

Peace was found in knowing that

your play-pretend world

was your one way out

Addiction:

Is when he stays

out all night drinking

instead of going

home to his little girl

Is when her mom's

friends aren't human

yet all go by the names

Lucy, Molly, Mary Jane,

Crystal, and Tina

Is it an addiction when she

chases spirits with spirits?

Or is she just psyching herself out?

Busy going through the

daily motions of life,

we often forget what part

of the lie is real,

going about our day,

we cover up

sorrow's manifest

with a few filtered words

Never-ending nightmares

wake me with a start

once again

It felt too real

I lift my shirt to check

Nothing...

Breathe...

Just breathe...

That was a lifetime ago...

So that I can

go back to sleep,

I tell myself that

nostalgia left the

bruises on my hips,

and not him

I was fifteen, it was me, eleven older guys, and the van we so aptly dubbed as The Mystery Machine. Misfits, the dozen of us. We found solace in each other's company, and needless to say that The Mystery Machine was our home away from home. It was a place we felt free to say what we wanted to say, a place secrets were kept, a place we felt safe, it was our safe haven. We twelve lost souls faded into the night, and by three a.m. hazel eyes started driving everyone home. He drove me home last because I lived the farthest from Elysian Park. He turned off the van when we pulled up to my apartment. I could have invited him up, we could have finished the bottle of bourbon I opened up the night before, but I was scared, and even more scared of him leaving me there alone in the morning. I didn't even have to say it... He understood that. He could sense my uneasiness, so he went for my weakness and started tickling me. He grabbed my hand, led me to the back of the van, and pulled me in close. He let me rest there in the safety of his arms for what seemed like an eternity. He was so still, that after a while, I thought he'd fallen asleep. Then all of a sudden he pulled me in for a kiss while his hands made their way up my dress. He knew I was a virgin, and he promised to take things slow. He knew exactly what I needed. He knew that I needed to be loved. And in that moment when we were together as one, I was loved, I was safe, I was his, and all else was forgotten... Even if for only a night. Six years later, and here I sit writing this at a carwash, and there's a song playing in the background that reminds me of him, of us, of the rebel fifteen year old girl that I was. I'm transported back in time, and I'm wondering if he still owns our home away from home... Here's to The Mystery Machine, and all the memories it holds.