awareness
As summer vanishes, fall is appearing
I’m waiting to see if you are coming back this season
as I wait, I watch the leaves slowly change colors and fall
as fall disappears, so does the thought of you
I have managed to do whatever I could to keep the thought of you around
but something isn’t wanting you around anymore
and suddenly I realized that
that something was me
Falling
it’s hard to sit there and watch the person you love,
fall in love with someone else
it’s hard to see them move on, while you’re still stuck
the world keeps moving but your still holding on,
spacing off because you have no idea what to do next, wasting time thinking they’re coming back,
but you realize they are not
you’re hurt and they think that’s okay
Not the First Spark But the Explosion
His knee is on my chest, and his left hand holds both of mine pinned above my head. And for a second as his eyes meet my wet ones I think he’ll loosen his grip. His mouth comes close to mine, and I think that he’ll remember everything I’ve ever made him feel. I think that I can feel his heart beating in time with my own. I think he must feel it too. He’ll remember that I am already his. He’ll remember that I’m his, and it’s unnecessary to take. Instead his right arm wraps around my waist and flips me onto my stomach. I struggle to pull away without hurting his feelings. I love him deeply. Insatiably. Irrevocably. I want to be able to give him everything he wants. Even when it’s not what I want. And though I pull away my confusion limits my strength. My face buried in the pillow limits my breath. He yanks me from the bed and onto the floor pulling a down comforter with me. It wraps around me straight-jacket like. And even if he wasn’t stronger, I love him. And no one tells you how much harder it is when you want to be able to say yes even though your insides are screaming out to say no. My voice is broken. And my eyes must be too. Because the tears never stop. And I swear I say no. And he swears that I didn’t. All I know is a white blanket wrapped around me holding me down, a wooden floor bracing against me, and an open window sending snowy air into the warm room. All I know is I cry until I vomit. And he strokes my sweaty forehead with confusion etched on his handsome face. His mouth trying to kiss away all of the pain he’s caused me. And I want to run. But terrified and exhausted I sleep in his arms. Terrified and exhausted I wake in his arms. Terrified and exhausted I return over and over. Terrified and exhausted. And I think I’ve forgotten how to sleep now.
#EndTheSilence
The Dreamer Awakes
The rain beat down upon the ground
Lightning flashed all around
I sat and watched it all in awe
With wandering mind and slackened jaw
The storm is filled with such great power
Chasing people inside, making animals cower
A storm this size can cause great stress
Lightning and wind creating a mess
But for now, the rain eases my mind
I slip away from the daily grind
Slowly drifting off to sleep
Dreaming dreams, counting sheep
In my dreams, we all get along
No death, no war, nothing is wrong
Thunder booms, causing me to wake
My dream wasn’t real, I begin to shake
Why can’t peace really be true?
I hang my head, feeling blue
A new thought then occurs to me
Maybe my dreams begin with me
I’ll live my life to honor the land
If I see a wrong, I’ll make a stand
I can’t change everyone’s heart
But even one will be a start.
Hears the answer I can’t say
I write because my eyes can’t cry that many tears
I write because my lungs can’t scream loud enough for you to hear
I write because my heart can’t break that many times
I write because it’s easier then going up to your face and saying everything I want to say
I write because you broke me and I’m still not okay
