This storm swirls,

settles in for a spell

The harsh rain falls,

The wind boldly blows

And I’m not sure how to

handle all of the implications

The crashing thunder startles,

the lightning electrifies the sky

And I am left wondering what

would happen if this never stopped?

Would I be stuck in this raging current,

A tempest tempting me to give it all up

Would I feel the rain coat my face,

cover my eyes and thrash my back,

til I can’t take it anymore and end it all?

And when the wind knocks me down

again and again, would I even find

the strength to get up or would I create a melancholy acceptance of my fate?

The sky is still dark, so bleak, and there

is no sense of light on the horizon

So I stay here, unsure of where to take shelter

I stay rooted in the spot I fall, and if the winds take me away, then I will move, and if

I drown in this flood, then I will sink

And if the rains settle and the sky clears,

then I will be left clean, left free to rise again

Storms are destructive but they always

lead to growth in some form or another,

if you manage to survive

An elaboration

Brought to you, by me

From the ones who did the hurting

(Mostly myself, if I'm being honest)

Let's start at the beginning

Tear me apart piece by piece

Take this tapestry down thread by thread

(I was never good at seeing the big picture)

A little girl with too sad eyes, alone, always alone

Even amongst the others, so very much alone

Lost in the woods, lost in her mind, hiding

Hiding from everything, all the damn time

What would the monsters say if they realized

real life was so much scarier?

I don't fear the bogeyman or the ghost in the attic

My fear exists in the unknown reality, what happens if…

My fear was always more existential

Is my time here useless

Does any of it matter

If I disappeared tomorrow, would it change a single thing

I can hear it now, the platitudes, well meaning and chocked full of care

But I don't know if they are true

(Some have told me they aren't)

I have a hard time with reality these days

Unsure if it's what I think it is or if it's something more (or is it less?)

I'm trying to figure myself out and it's taking so much time