1. I remember falling in love with you.

2. The first prayer I ever said willingly was asking God if you could love me just as much as I loved you. 

3. I am sure he did not hear me. 

I do not believe in God.

4. You said you did not mean it. 

I'm not sure what "it" was. Abuse is not just one thing. 

It is a number of things tied together with thorns.

It is meant to draw blood.

5. I refuse to accept an apology. 

I refuse to climb back inside your jaws and let you swallow me whole. 

I refuse to feed my body to those who do not love me.

I refuse to die by your hands again.

6. When you said no one could love me like you did, you were right.

I do not let them.

7. Maybe my faithless prayer was heard after all.

8. I do not love you anymore.

Here is my heart

It's been broken in two

One for me

And one for you

And though I know you shan't

Keep it safe

At least I have half

To keep me sane

During these lonely nights

And darkened days

This is my mind

It's torn in two

Partially by me

Mostly by you

You took ahold of my head

And bashed it apart

But at least I still

Have half my heart

During these lonely nights

And darkened days

There is the night

Come to take me away

On a tortured sleep

As on this bed I lay

I think about you

How you caused me to break

And I write a letter

To whoever will take

Half my heart

During these lonely nights

And darkened days

She was a vampire of cards and dice. My addiction. She was my mistress. I was her master. I knew all of her tricks. The alleys in which she slept. Her moods. The Insanity in her smile. She was my partner of laughter and lies. 23 years. Top of her game. It's just math and fools. Dragging souls into stacks. High and full of white, red, and green. She and I. Queens of the hustle. 9 seats to choose my crown. When I would sleep she was silent. A hooker after a long binge. She counted my chips like sheep. She told me I was her everything. She would never leave me. She never has. She never will. She is my curse. I drag her with me through grocery stores. Always pouting. Needing. Pulling. Poking at my shoulder. Pleading for me to take her back to the card houses. I refuse. She goes for the kill everyday. Everyday I hold aces against her throat. Diamond daggers: Remind her sternly I am the master of my fate.