To test the jury

with instinct

You brought me to a fight

I seek peace

Though we exist on opposite sides...

Kissing your insult.

Run, run....run...

This....this game...

You play with me..

I say,

I say Bravo your bravado....

Though I cannot agree

Such garbage...

It leaks

From you...

Elegant, eloquent

It reeks

I'll knock upon the tree

My question

To tremble the leaves

Catch upon the wind...

An ocean of truth within your grasp

You lie upon the beach

But for its salt

Tis a drought

Don't you

Want to

Wander, wonder...

Just outside...

You don't have to...

Die here

Rice Krispy cereal scattered across the floor

I step on it.

Crunch.

It doesn’t make the fun sounds I remember as a child.

I remember Snap Crackle Pop.

Those cartoon characters who used to cheer me up

When I was alone.

That cereal was only good for the square marshmallow treats.

I had to dump a gallon of sugar for it to taste good.

Now I avoid sugar like the plague.

Do I need to?

No. I’m still a kid.

But all I can do is stare at the scale in dismay

I miss Snap, Crackle, and Pop.

My childhood friends.

They’re gone now.

All that’s left is the scatters of shattered cereal.

Twenty twenty is coming.

A new decade.

They don’t snap, crackle, or pop anymore.

They just crunch.

I used to be straight

I used to be female

Then I was bi and female

Then I was pan and nonbinary

Then I was pan and trans male

Now I am panromantic and genderfluid and asexual.

I don't know what to do.

Am I a guy? Am I a girl? I have to choose a pronoun, but I don't want to.

Why do I need a pronoun? Why do I need to identify as anything?

WHO AM I?

All I want is to live without labels.

But at the same time I want a label

I want a category.

But I don't know where I fit in.

There are too many labels but also not enough.

I just want to be me.

I don't want to have to come out

I don't want to hide.

But here I am and I am waiting.

Waiting for a label

When one might never come along.

I am LGBTQQIP2SAA

But I am just me.

I don't want a label but I want a place to fit in.

I want a pronoun of my own.

I don't want to choose.

I just want to be me...

WHO AM I?

It was freezing dark

On a pitch cold night.

Bitter sounds echoed,

Leaving a shrill taste in my mouth,

As my skin prickled.

A paltry figure up ahead

Looked my way for a skinny moment

Before disappearing

Into the abrasive night.

My shadowy gasp,

Tangible in the dark,

Sounded like an invisible scream

As it echoed in my ears.

And silence fell

Shattering the peace.

It’s just a knot.

It’s not.

Right a knot.

No what I mean is that’s not a knot.

She’s doing that thing again where she tells me things are just things but really some things are more than just things. The knot is not a knot. It’s a bundle of phantoms and she doesn’t ever believe. It’s a cacophony of feedback and death-knells clashing. It’s teeth and screams and broken blood vessels. it’s my intestines wrapping my throat noose-like. It’s darkness and-

What are you thinking about?

If I give you a razor can you help me cut it out?

Stop being stupid and go to sleep. It’s a knot.

No, it’s not a knot. It’s like. It’s a tangle of other things. Can you please just-

No. I said go to sleep.

I sleep uneasy and wake just the same.

I made you an appointment.

What kind of appointment?

She’s good. She’ll get the knot out.

It’s not a knot, but ok.

She said on the phone you have a knot.

Yeah. Something like that.

I take note of her eyes. Brown. Soft. Needle in right hand. Left fingers massaging the bridge of her nose. She’s shaking her head. She’s frowning. She’s looking at me serious. She’s frowning.

Not a knot.

I know. I told her that.

More a shadow, more an echo, not a knot. Needles won’t work. Have to get the snakes. Snakes get rid of ghosts.

Alright. Snakes then.

You don’t listen. You’re haunted. Snakes get rid of ghosts. Need more money for snakes. Need snakes for ghosts.

Whatever. Snakes. Get the snakes.

She’s staring at me again. She’s staring. She’s staring. She puts her needles away. She drifts behind the curtain covering the doorway behind me. The air shivers. The room trembles. I’m cold when she comes back. Snake tank on the cart in front of her. They’re all black. All night sky. All charcoal and shadows. Midnight snakes. I’m waiting. She’s staring.

You flip over. Don’t watch.

I’m thinking I wouldn’t be able to watch behind me anyway. I’m thinking it’s cold. I’m thinking that-

Don’t watch. You understand? Don’t watch.

She’s staring.

Yeah. I won’t watch.

I flip onto my stomach. Face against the dark vinyl. I smell bleach. I’m cold. I’m raised skin. I’m fear. Fuck. I’m the fear. I’m cold. I feel her moving. I can hear the snakes. One, two, three, they fall against my skin. Slithering. Quivering. I’m tremors. I’m vibrations.

Don’t watch.

I’m the fear. I feel the big one on my shoulder blades. It’s slinking into the pits where my neck and back meet. I’m sweating. I’m the fear. And it’s midnight. And it’s teeth. I feel teeth. I feel fangs. I feel blood.

Don’t watch.

They’re swarming. They’re legion. They’re many. They’re rushing and slipping inside me. And she bends over me. Mouth to snake bite. And sucks. My center is pulling away. My insides are crawling to the spot where her mouth is pulling venom. And I’m the venom. I’m the fear. And she’s inhaling ghosts. She’s imbibing shadows. And she’s screaming. And I’m screaming. And I’m the fear. And my body is fire and rage. And I’m writhing. And I’m the snakes. I’m the dark. I’m the fear. And she’s spitting me out in waves. Coughing out knots. Coughing out tangles. Crying out memories. Vomiting echoes. And I’m screaming out ache. And I’m the fear. I’m the fear.

Don’t watch.

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endangering economically extensive education.

If so, congratulations! You're normal!

Why is a problem normal?

Because it tests your brain to find a logical solution for this problem.

It expands your borders, let you think outside the box, and best of all, improve your problem solving skills. Without problems, life will be a big bore to you. There will be no perseverance because there is no problem. You will first like it, but when the has been no problem for too long, your life will get boring. Just imagine it.

While problems can be annoying (like getting your kite stuck in a tree), it can make you think: "How do I get my kite back?" And that helps your brain "fly" to reach the kite er.... solution.

And that is why problems are super important.

Thanks for your understanding