A Church I follow has an app (Crossroads Anywhere) where we journal together as a community, and one of the things we journal about are things we are thankful for. I wrote these for this week's prompts from the app....

6/19/2023

"What are you looking forward to this week?"

- Seeing Across The Spider-Verse again with my family.

- Another chance to work on getting my life balanced again.

- Making an effort to get more excited about God, and spending more time with Him.

6/20/2023

"What are you grateful for today?"

- Starting to feel better from the stomach bug I started the week with.

- Good vibes from sports teams that I follow.

- Opportunities for creativity.

6/22/2023

"How did someone help you this week?"

- Broadcasters bringing their passion and play by play action to me over the airwaves for my favorite teams.

- Various podcasters helping me with spiritual growth, along with entertainment (Crossroads podcasts included).

- My brother and sister-in-law for planning a bookstore adventure later this week.

6/23/2023

Affirmation: "God listens to me."

"Is there anything you would like to thank God for this week?"

Thank You God for helping me to feel better from my early illness this week, for helping me through the rest of the work week, and for some Final Fantasy XVI, a bookstore trip, and family time to look forward to.

A Church I follow has an app (Crossroads Anywhere) where we journal together as a community, and one of the things we journal about are things we are thankful for. I wrote these for this week's prompts from the app....

6/12/2023

"What are you looking forward to this week?"

- Working on getting back into better life balances, and implementing more reading and writing back into my life.

- Riding off of good vibes from family fun that we had at an anime/animation convention this past weekend.

- Hobbies to enjoy, including anime, sports, gaming, reading, and podcasts.

- My perpetual goal of growing my relationship with God.

6/13/2023

"What are you grateful for today?"

I am grateful for a fun night last night of anime, pizza, and fellowship with family. I am also thankful that one of the baseball teams I follow won, and for the chance to play the awesome new Final Fantasy XVI demo.

6/15/2023

"How did someone help you this week?"

My leadership team and another teacher put together some awesome Father's Day gifts for my students.

6/16/2023

Affirmation: "I trust God."

"Is there anything you would like to thank God for this week?"

Thank You God for helping me through the latest challenges of this week. Thank You for a few days off, and for another Father's Day to celebrate this coming Sunday.

Worked out

Showered

Having my tea

Waiting for an email

That doesn’t come

My workweek begins

A lot like

The last one ended

A Church I follow has an app (Crossroads Anywhere) where we journal together as a community, and one of the things we journal about are things we are thankful for. I wrote these for this week's prompts from the app....

6/5/2023

"What are you looking forward to this week?"

- Setting some goals for this week and scheduling time to get them done (inspired by Brian Tome's Palm Sunday message).

- An anime convention with my family this week.

- Making an effort to do something fun each day, even if only for a few minutes (also inspired by Brian Tome).

6/6/2023

"What are you grateful for today?"

- An upcoming out of the blue date plan with my wife to see a stand up comedian.

- Being challenged, which is hard to be thankful for, but I will be thankful when I grow from it.

- A soccer game to check out on the radio after work.

6/8/2023

"How did someone help you this week?"

- God's constant presence, especially when I get overwhelmed, frustrated, and exhausted.

- My wife finding a potential dentist.

- Entertainment from baseball teams I follow, their broadcasters, as well as various podcasters.

6/9/2023

Affirmation: "God had me in mind before I was born."

"Is there anything you would like to thank God for this week?"

Thank You God for being with me through a challenging work week, thank You for some family fun on tap for the weekend, and thank You for the opportunities You give me to grow through facing challenges.

I was sitting on a park bench. This book I had been looking forward to reading had developed an unfortunate pacing issue. However, I insisted on giving it one more chance before relinquishing it to the library drop box.

A friendly-looking dog, off-leash, came trodding up to me. She dropped to her belly and sniffed with great interest at something under the bench. I looked down and saw a piece of sandwich someone had dropped. The dog noisily licked her lips and inched closer.

Suddenly, a male voice firmly called, “Sadie. Leave it.”

I looked up and the man smiled at me. Upon hearing his command, the dog rose and immediately went to the man’s side, irresistible object now forgotten. Together, they continued their walk through the park.

I gazed down at the book in my lap, pondering the wonders of Sadie the Good Girl. Here I am, figuratively leashed, a rather dimwitted animal in comparison. I strain hard against my restraints, stubbornly insisting on getting my own stupid animal way. Rebellious. Frustrated.

How I wish I could master that command: ‘Leave it’. If only I could abandon the pursuit of things clearly not meant for me, without so much as a look back.

As I returned the book that afternoon, I also decided I could stand to be a lot more like Sadie.

When I first experienced grief, I didn’t know what coping was for me. I would look around and i’d see most of my adult figures going the “hush” route: where you sensitize the subject to the bone and make it sacred. I was nine, and not being able to discuss my feelings without making whomever breakdown was pressuring. As you can imagine it didn’t end well, I'd cry at the thought of death and I would fear watching movies or tv shows that had a focus on death. It was a mental solitary confinement; a sealed door. Five years later, I lost another brother to the same topic. Gun Violence. Only this time, he wasn’t the victim, he was the perpetrator. After seeing the strain it put on our family the first time, it’s beyond me how you could go out and commit the same thing. Regardless, It was hard to go on from. But when you're already lost in a tunnel with an unknown amount of length: you can either hush and dim, or you can mumble and brighten. I chose the latter. My gateway of mumbling, and many others, is jokes. It’s a very niche coping mechanism. But, just like I didn’t fight the dimmers, you can’t fight the bright-ers. On my journey, I encountered a teacher who told me that if I did truly lose a brother to GV to make jokes surrounding it, and then to also say that I’m aware of the weight and seriousness of the topic, is hypocritical. Being stuck in adrenaline, I kept repeating “We’ve lived two completely different lives,” forgetting the real meat of my point. Stuck listening to a broken record, who already doesn’t have much street credit and now looks like a deer in headlights. Collected and advanced by time; I admit, it still upsets me. “We’ve lived two completely different lives, the way I cope is going to be different from you, because you weren’t 9 being put in a box after your brother was murdered.” I tell myself repeatedly in my head, you don’t need that teacher or anyone else to tell you that your coping methods are valid. Stuck in my head, I fade into reality; that’s not what I said. What did I say? “I don’t need you to tell me what is and isn’t funny. I don’t need you to tell me what to do and not to do. I don’t need you to tell me your textbook educated opinions on grief.”

A Church I follow has an app (Crossroads Anywhere) where we journal together as a community, and one of the things we journal about are things we are thankful for. I wrote these for this week's prompts from the app....

5/29/2023

"What are you looking forward to this week?"

- A shorter work week.

- The chance to work on some backlogs, and enjoy the content from them (books, games, spiritual resources, podcasts).

- Time with my family.

- Working on better rhythms as far as time for God, including prayer, devotional and Bible reading, taking in teachings from those God sent, journal writing, etc.

5/30/2023

"What are you grateful for today?"

I am grateful for a productive day yesterday, the new Spider-Man movie to look forward to with my family later this week, and a new opportunity to work on work and life rhythms.

6/1/2023

"How did someone help you this week?"

A couple of my students and their families were very generous and kind on their last days in my classroom, and their generosity and enthusiasm lifted my spirits. I am thankful that they were a part of this school year.

6/2/2023

Affirmation: "I trust God."

"Is there anything you would like to thank God for this week?"

Thank You God for being there through the stressful moments of the week, for the treat that the new Spider-Man movie was in the theater, and for more time with my family over the weekend.

A Church I follow has an app (Crossroads Anywhere) where we journal together as a community, and one of the things we journal about are things we are thankful for. I wrote these for this week's prompts from the app....

5/22/2023

"What are you looking forward to this week?"

- First school week after our students had a successful graduation, and transitioning into our Summer program.

- One more week to celebrate the Easter season.

- A longer weekend to look forward to.

- New opportunities to strengthen my bond with God.

- It is the last week of school for my own kids.

5/23/2023

"What are you grateful for today?"

- Starting and enjoying my online voice acting class last night.

- A callback to audition for my seasonal acting job in the Fall.

- Finding more podcast resources for connecting with God, and guided prayer time this morning.

- A little extra time with my family this morning.

- Coffee :-)

5/25/2023

"How did someone help you this week?"

- God has not only provided new resources for me to connect with Him, but has remained ever present, including moments where I needed to be humbled.

- My favorite baseball teams for entertaining me.

5/26/2023

Affirmation: "God has great plans for my life."

"Is there anything you would like to thank God for this week?"

Thank You Lord for getting me through the stress of another week, thank You for helping my children finish their school years well, thank You for some downtime with family and hobbies over the next few days, and thank You for blessing my life and continuing to show me how to connect with You.

We all have a story, and mine begins quite the same as yours. A mother, a father, a lot of love and giggles and that weird triangular solidarity of familiarity. And then, my plot dips. The white devils overtook the red knights, and my father succumbed all to soon to that unearthly dimension of heaven. And now we were two. Too young to grasp my status as outsider, different or otherwise, I lived happily in my loving bubble of family. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and a myriad of little pets filled my young, unburdened life. And then, I started school.

At six years old, children have no filters. Sometimes, we learn the hard way to keep it all in - shoving down the darkness that threatens when overtaken by shame, fear and other all important emotions. The questions inane and insane to my now adult ears, were knives separating me from the playground posse, stranding me on the sidelines at recess. "Why did your mommy kill your daddy?" or "My mommy said you can't have only a mommy." or "Your daddy didn't die, he left because he couldn't stand you." And worse. I think the roughest one was inflicted by a third grade teacher,  uncompassionate and cold, she stood me before my new classmates and announced that the new girl only had a mother. With questions on the faces of those I thought I might call friends, she orated a tale that my father and mother were divorced, and once I acknowledged it, I would be free from my own prison. I cried that day. On the rooftop playground, in the far corner behind the handball wall. And then I got angry.

I found my solace in books. Friends were penned with compassion and sincerity, with secrets and acceptance. Honestly, I spent most of my life in the library, clamoring for anything to devour. As a consequence, I distanced myself even more, by reading 4 levels ahead of my grade when I was only in the 4th year of school. I don't remember many of the basic lessons, except for the writing. I was encouraged by one very special teacher to write, free writing in a journal became an antidote to loneliness, and my essays excelled all others. I continued writing and reading until - well, I haven't stopped.

So what did I learn in school that most of you did not? I learned so very early on that people are not to be trusted. The favor of a shy smile will award you sneers, pushes and lies. People are inherently selfish and cruel, and unless one chooses conformity, well, you remain alone, an outsider. And I am. Now, I wrap myself in the comfort of my friends- those beloved favorites from my well thumbed, dog eared books, and sometimes, with the few who see my heart.

My mistake has always been loyalty and naiveté. I always assume the best, even of employers, and neighbors. But I have been burned. Singed all the way to my now dark soul that refuses any more false friends. It's still so hard to smile and mingle with the plastic people of my city. A city born of rats - equally fitting to the community and people that dwell here.

I should perhaps mention that I no longer mind the solitude, that a coffee and a book or journal with my favorite purple pen are soothing companions. As are the birds and occasional offspring at my side. But that too is limiting. As my babies suffered the fate of the friendless, I watched their innocence die. They are scarred humans with little emotion befitting one who must function in the world. And to those parents who allowed and encouraged the taunts and jeers at my brilliant one, it is your ignorance and shallow matrix that will be your downfall. Now grown they will rise like the phoenix and surpass all your wormy expectations. Just as I will. My middle one - so complacent, empathetic, and well-loved, sees through the thin veneer of false-fronted friends. He knows where his loyalties lie, and is true blue to those who are steadfast. Well-liked not only by classmates and students in all grades, but he is also the epitome of what we all should be. As for my baby - hurt again and again by backstabbing peers had opened her eyes, like mine to the darker side of humanity. She knows who her few friends are, but holds much close to her stitched-together heart. Enough about the plastics, back to my story. Alone, I knew that I loved animals, books, and my bicycle. I would ride the tree-lined pathways of my neighborhood to the furthest park, a book and a snack in the basket, and spend leisurely hours visiting faraway places. I think that's why I love to travel now. And the people I meet in my travels often remain friends- true friends for life. I think I live in the wrong place.

A Church I follow has an app (Crossroads Anywhere) where we journal together as a community, and one of the things we journal about are things we are thankful for. I wrote these for this week's prompts from the app....

5/15/2023

"What are you looking forward to this week?"

- My students' graduation.

- Family time with my parents, including a baseball game.

- Some relief at work after some end of the year school activities are completed.

5/16/2023

"What are you grateful for today?"

I am grateful for God's presence through a crazy work day yesterday, for things to be coming together for the graduation of my students, for the opportunity to write yesterday, and for the sleep I am about to enjoy before the next workday begins (it is 12:09 AM).

5/18/2023

"How did someone help you this week?"

Receiving treats and notes of appreciation from students and leadership post Teacher Appreciation Week boosted my spirits.

5/19/2023

Affirmation: "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me."

"Is there anything you would like to thank God for this week?"

Thank You God for a successful graduation with my students, for helping me get everything else at work done, for some upcoming fun with my parents this weekend, and for lots of baseball to enjoy.