The Solitude I’m Craving

Halfway through the laughter

I stop and I stare.

In front of me nothing,

Nothing but despair.

My friends all around me

And I should be glad.

But somehow I'm not, 

Why am I sad?

I say, I've got to go,

I've got places to be.

Although I don't have to, 

Not in reality.

I leave and walk home,

Still wondering how,

My mood changed from happy

To numb just now.

As I reach my house, 

I sit on my bed.

I can't move anymore.

I feel so dead.

I wish I could leave

And be far, far away.

In a Place, where no one knows me.

Where I could stay.

I want to be alone

With no one around.

Just me and myself

And all my sorrows drowned.

But I don't want to feel this,

I don't want to be lonely.

Just alone for a little.

Nothing but the darkness consuming me only.

So I lay down

And I close my eyes,

Imagining to be in Space

Or somewhere nice.

My phone was ringing 

But I didnt listen.

I kept floating.

Escaping my own prison.

I must have fallen asleep

Because when I awoke

My phone was still ringing

And my heart once again broke.

I'm still the same

And I'm still here.

I'm not drifting or floating 

I still didn't disappear.

So I sigh so deeply

And pick up my phone. 

My friend asks me how I feel

And if I'm alone.

I tell them I'm fine 

And yes, I am.

I don't need a companion.

Just let it be, goddamn!

I simply hang up,

I don't let them speak.

I'm back in the silence

that I desperately seek.

I get back to the land between dream and reality

And float and drift and fly and fall.

Because here I feel welcome, here I feel safe.

With nobody else, with no one at all.