Limited Atonement

You heard my cries from deep inside my heart,

my soul,

my spirit,

yet it passed through your ears.

You didn’t come to my aid,

instead you remained on your throne.

Indifferent.

Complacent.

Where are you?

Where did you go?

You seemed so hidden,

somewhere deep and dark and far away,

and I didn't think it was my fault this time.

I’ve cried out,

called out,

over and

over and

over.

I came to you

over and

over and

over,

yet you were not there

not at your throne of grace.

Where is your compassion?

But I am all alone.

I’ve done it all:

tried to love you,

to surrender,

but my thoughts never agreed with my actions.

I’m drowning in constant,

nagging, binding thoughts of

Who

are

you?

Everyone has an opinion of who you are,

of who they think you are,

of who they expect you to be,

but everyone contradicts each other.

It’s exhausting

trying to figure you out

every time I change.

I’m done,

I’m tired,

I’m not doing it anymore,

this constant battle in my mind

between who I am

and who you expect me to be.

I guess

I was

never

yours.