Two for the Price of One

I turn inside myself to seek comfort and guidance. Longing for peace and solitude in an environment that is mind numbingly loud. I match the volume of the noise around me. Learning as I go that the loudest and the largest in the room get their needs met. I step out and project my voice, knowing I will never be the largest in the room. Compensating, I match the tone set by others before me. Appearing to be charismatic, thick skinned and personable. Wearing a smile on my face that says, "I want to be here." While I strangle the life inside me that is still seeking solace from within.

Are we born one way or the other? Is it nature or nurture that sets our distinct characteristics that deem us introverted or extroverted? As humans we are social creatures, pack animals that long and thrive from social interaction. Each requiring different relationships to support our journey through life. Some more discreet while others boast loudly together, all meeting their needs of companionship.

One might see me as an extrovert. Willing to engage in small talk and group discussions. Leading with thunderous directives from the pedestal of confidence. When in fact I have learned these traits for survival. My defense system setup against the pack that howls together in victory at the expense of the silent.

I have something to gain from socializing as we all do. But there are few who actually get the real me. The inner introvert that internalizes every move made and feels deeper than the well of my soul that I retreat to, when I am allowed the privilege to withdraw from the crowds.

An introvert disguised as an extrovert all in the search of self-preservation.