Is questioning

A part of my growth

Or my demise

Where have I been?

Where am I going?

Where am I now?

What do I do?

Who am I?

How do I live?

Madness

Or clarity

What is this uncertainty?

A bridge to understanding

Or quicksand

I feel so lost

Again...

Always?

Do I always feel this way?

Underneath?

Inside?

Or is there strength somewhere in there

Knowledge

Purpose

Intention

Why can't I grasp

Truth

It slips through my fingers

Like a fistful of sand

It slips from my mind

Like the item I forgot at the grocery store

It slips from my eyes

Just outside of my periphery

So I close my eyes

And search for truth

I didnt have the richest of upbringings, although I was cared for for sure. My mother gave birth to me when she was 15 and she'd been kicked out of the family home and ended up in a really rough area. I grew up moving from one council estate to another and those kind of areas are where I'm happiest.

I love that you can hear the world from your living room. It wouldn't be normal for me to not be able to open my bedroom window and not be able to see people openly arguing on their fronts. I'm pretty common. I would never blend with a posh society, but I'm happy with that.

I'm a very confident person. I dont mean with the way I look, because we all have things we'd rather be different. I have stretch marks on the lower part of my stomach and my tits aren't as huge as I'd have liked them. But I'm still content with the way I look.

When I say I'm confident, I mean with who I am. I dont scuttle away from things, and I dont cower from people. I think that's a good thing. Although I understand many think it puts me in danger.  I speak kinda crudely and I'm very open. I come across as a bit of a cunt at times, but I always try to give good advice and I'll be bluntly honest if you come to me asking questions.

I wish other people were more honest about themselves.

So many people try to be like everybody else that they blend too easily. The amount of people I've tried to get to know by asking them to tell me about themselves and it's same old, same old. I'd love it if somebody popped up in my inbox and was like, "I'm a coward. I'm frightened of a lot of things, and I allow other people to take control of the situation so that I dont need to think for myself."

That would be brilliant! I dont see this as a bad thing. I see it as a fact that splits you up from every other fucker. And we should all have these little things about ourselves. I dont take them as good things or bad things. Its our real personalities.

I'm common, crude, messy, and I'm not that intelligent. I'm clever where I feel I need to be and I'm good with people. I like to study peoples minds. Hence my strong interest in psychology.

I will lie, fight and completely destroy for the people I respect and care about. But on the other hand, I'm pretty damned honest where it counts, and I'm loyal.

So... tell me something that frightens you.

I have an unusual fear of Ronald McDonald. Yes, it may be laughable. But its real.

I love tarantulas. I desperately want one, but my daughter is terrified of them. And i like music that my grandmother likes to call Musical pornography.

I hope to see more of these truth posts. It's something we can build on and make beautiful. Be you. Be the best you.

I’m jealous of the sun,

how it crawls across your skin.

Flushing your cheeks,

pulling the freckles from under the surface.

I’m jealous of the wind,

how it lifts your clothing from your frame.

Tickling your neck,

teasing your hair to attention.

How you lift your face to each,

tipping your chin skywards.

How your eyes close,

how you let the pleasure wash over you.

Swimming in a pool

I was being cool

Did a flip

Everyone saw my nips

Purple was the way she walked.

Blue was the way she smiled.

Her yellow soul shined brighter than the sun

And her red mind struggled to make sense of her confoundingly green heart.

Pulled directly towards that poor excuse for a lump of coal.

She cried pure gold

Onto his shoulder,

As sharp as a freshly cut diamond,

Leaving a rusty scar along her silver cheek.

Pain was a blinding rainbow of screams and laughter and unimaginable sorrow.

She would have left it all

For a moment of translparent clarity.

I am modern society. Validate me for I am not myself. I am a collection of likes and reposts. I am a internet board of what’s trending and current. My personality is not genuine, I embrace the parts with the most likes and delete the parts that don’t get enough validation. If you like it, I will be it. Give me validation or I won’t know which parts of myself to showcase and which to hide away. I will work to remove every flaw that keeps me from getting reposts. Success is only measured in my feedback. My sense of style is whatever gets me the most comments regardless of my personal opinion on it. My opinion doesn’t matter. Only yours. I can be comedic, I can be deep, but this is only decided by whichever will get me the most attention today. If you like something, I will embrace it. Likes are more than a number, they tell me what is expected of me. Whatever gets the most likes is who I am today. Validate me, for I have no idea who I even am anymore.