As a child, they were the most powerful beings in the world. They were omnipotent and omniscient. There was nothing they could not do, nothing they could not achieve.

Their word was law. Should they form a negative opinion of a thing, it disappeared from the face of the earth. If something found their favour, it was transcended to the echelon reserved for the divine.

I lived in awe of them and believed they would forever guide my life.

*

Now I am a man with the foolishness of childhood long gone. Life has pierced me, battered me, taken my innocence. I have been affronted by a score of sins committed against me, and poisoned by the hundreds more I have committed.

The guardians of my youth protect me no more. In truth, I now see that they never had the ability to shield me from this dreaded world. Their power was imaginary, their influence paltry.

I regard them now with disdain, scornful of the time I spent with them in aimless play, time that could have been spent preparing for these incessant battles which make up what we call life.

*

Yesterday, my parents passed.

I look to my children and see how, in trying to be different from my parents, I have disappointed and scarred them. Have I been too harsh? Did I quell their imagination in my desire to make them ready for the world?

I do not have the answer, I cannot see the future. Perhaps my children will teach my grandchildren in manner neither I nor my parents could find. Perhaps there is no right way to raise a child, only myriad wrong ways. Is parenthood nothing but a guideless route from birth to adulthood which all are destined to fail in some way?

With this new insight comes a new appreciation of the strength, the power, the tenacity my parents displayed when raising me. Though they knew not the answers, their positive approach and keenness to chase those answers has reignited the unquestioning love I once held for them.

If he only knew,

That the previous night I had a huge fight with my mom,

Then he would know that I wasn’t trying to hurt that girl’s feelings when I made that rude remark to her in the hallway.

If he only knew,

That his class was my favorite,

Then he might not criticize me for looking a little pessimistic once in a while.

If he only knew,

That I felt crushing anxiety surrounded by all these kids that treat me like garbage,

Then he might not constantly call on me and draw unnecessary attention towards me.

If he only knew,

That a smile does not always equal happiness,

Then he might understand why sometimes my facial expressions and actions don’t always seem to match up.

If he only knew,

That my after school life consisted of therapy sessions instead of sports practices,

Then he would know that I am working through my own personal problems,

And he might be able to see the real me,

And not just the me that walks into his classroom everyday.

Ask me anyday and I will say that I love you. But on the other hand, I don't know what loving means. To love is to strain oneself for another. To love is to be forgiving.

To love is to be giving, without expecting anything in return.

And sometimes, I wonder.

Like the time you came home from your football practice and I was mad that you chose to spent time running after a ball instead of helping me clean the house.

Or the time that I was annoyed that you signed us up as volunteers without checking with me first.

Or when I realize that you have stopped writting me love letters as you once did.

Dear, I do say that I love you, but sometimes I wonder: If I loved you, what I think like this? Would I act like this? Would I speak like this?

A year ago when I really wished that you'd be mine, I would have signed up for hours and hours of voluntary practice with you! Or I would have spent hours just watching you play.

But how is it now that I have my heart's deepest desire - now that I can call you mine, now that I can love all of you, I wonder?

Ask me anyday and I will say that I love you. But on the other hand, I don't know what loving means.

Or maybe I am just not trying hard enough?

I am scared for my future, for us. What will happen to us? Will you wait for me? I'm waiting for something to happen. Am I wasting my time? Are you what I need, what I want forever? Will you change when we are free to be together? Free to be as one? I am ready for a change but scared to make a move. Life is the same, life is stable, life is lonely, life is familiar, life is unhappy. I don't know you. I don't know how to live with you. Will I be at one with you or will you drive me mad? The unknowing is killing me inside. How will I know unless I take a gamble. Is this love, a awakening, a chance for change? Or is this friendship, someone to pass time with when you are unhappy, feeling lonely and unloved? What do I do? Stay with comfort, or go with excitement and passion? Only the future will tell me who holds my destiny, the future or you...

I wanted to formally introduce myself. My name is Anslee, I live in the USA, I just turned 17, and I've been writing for a decade now.

When I was seven, I wrote a play for my Webkinz dolls. While I don't remember exactly what it was about, or how to find the video my mom recorded, it had something to do with dinosaurs and the Bahamas.

When I was in 3rd grade, I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome (high functioning autism), ADD, and was told I had a possibility of growing up with anxiety and/or depression. I ended up developing anxiety from bullying and social contrast, but I am also getting tested for depression in a few weeks. When I hit 4th grade, I was taken out of public school for a year when my teacher physically assaulted me out of aggrivation of my differences. That's when I stopped screenwriting and moved onto short stories and fanfiction.

I dropped writing for a while after that. I didn't get really into it again until high school. I now have written one novel (it's a fanfiction, but it has 133 pages, so in a technical sense, it's still a novel) and I'm writing another.

My current works so far are:

-Beautiful Minds (Dystopian-esque novel to raise mental health awareness)

-"Stay Determined" CharAsriel Undertale fanfic that shows my interpretation of Chara's backstory

These are the only two I'm working seriously on. If you'd like to find them, "Beautiful Minds" is on fictionpress.net (username: VocaloidMaster13) and "Stay Determined" will be on my fanfiction.net (user: VocaloidMaster13) when it's finished and/or on my fanicfiction Wattpad account (user: ToriSansCharAsriel).

I can feel your fingers

fingers and hands

where they once resided

a time ago

feel them digging

digging and pulling

feel them glide

feel you pulling me impossibly close

feel hands squeeze

hips dig in

lips press hard

tongues do dance

I can feel it all

all from a time ago

fingers and hands

the ghost of them

the ghost of you

I feel it brushing against my skin

close my eyes

feel you here

next to me

on top of me

kissing me

holding me

squeezing me

the ghost of you

is touching me

fingers and hands are touching me

the memory of you

is on me

it paints my skin

it feels each beating breath

each catching breath

all from a time ago

fingers glide and dance over hidden skin

hands pull and hold; closer and closer I go

I feel fingers, hands, and even lips

they whisper softly on my chest

hands and fingers moving swift

digging deep down into hips

while now you're gone

I'll close my eyes

and come alive

under the memory of

your fingers and hands

Eyes come alive in the dead of night

Silent sigh

all your weight on top; into me

closer, closer

lips caress skin; teeth graze skin

claw you nearer

fingers glide over a pounding chest

breathe deep

hands crawl into hidden spaces

oh yes

lips touch what hasn't been

exhilaration; ecstasy

all I can feel is you; your hands, your touch

breath you in

I hunger for your hands

on thigh, on stomach, on neck, on chest, in hair

your touch is a drug

i'm floating high

a guilty addict of you

closer, closer

claw you in

closer, closer

breath you in

eyes meet, smiles greet

heart races and pulls and tugs

my love for you is so much fun

Sebastian and Mary are talking about life...

Sebastian: look I read your letter

Mary: obviously

Sebastian: your depressing

Mary: Your not the first to say that

Sebastian: well.. And you aren't the first well what you wrote on the letter

Mary: yeahhh I'm a psycho I don't care

Sebastian: there's no such thing as crazy Mary

Mary: and there's no such thing as normal

Sebastian: why are you so negative

Mary: why can't you agree

Sebastian: You see, look everyone has dark times and are worse than yours

Mary: It depends on the person everyone has a limit I can only handle a little bit, I'm physically and mentally weak, I cry so easily and I can't do anything physical

Sebastian: Stop being so negative

Mary: You can't make me nobody can

Sebastian: Look I give up

Mary: Why do you care it's not like you've been really depressed, you have a really happy life

Sebastian: Who made you think that? You don't know me

Mary: You don't know me either

Sebastian: Look whatever you are or have been through is not worse as mine

Mary: It's not like your sharing it

Sebastian: Believe me I am

Sebastian: In my childhood I met a very special person. We loved each other so much we were "Brothers" but I only met him towards the end of elementary. Before I met him, I've been abused by my Mother and Eduar- I mean

Mary: Eduardo? Vargas?

Sebastian: Damn it I said his name

Mary: It's alright your secrets safe

Sebastian: it's not really a secret but don't talk about it I don't really like talking about it

Mary: Then why are you telling me?

Sebastian: Well.. I don't know but I trust you

Mary: Oh...

Sebastian and Mary talk about each other's pasts

Sebastian: (Laughs) AHA loner you a loner since elementary

Mary: Oh..

Sebastian: I was just kidding

Mary: oh (fake laugh)

Sebastian: Ya I'm sorry

Mary: Of all people I didn't think you'd be depressed

Sebastian: Well, who says I still am?

Mary: I know your feelings

Your sad

Depressed

Mad

And still wants to run away

Sebastian: Run away?

Mary: Burn your bridge Sebastian, just burn it stop running on it

Sebastian: Which Bridge?

Mary: The one you still think about

Sebastian: I still live with my mother I can't burn the bridge why don't you burn your lonely bridge?

Mary: Because, after I burn your bridge and everyone else's bridges, I'll

Come back to it

Sebastian: What's the point of saving the bridge? When you aren't going to use it, and when you do you'll make a new one

Mary: I--I

(Mary thinks she's so stupid and thanks Sebastian)

Mary: Sebby, I'm so stupid, I didn't think of that

Sebastian: I'll try burning mine to

Mary walks away looking much more depressed as before and hides it with a smile

Sebastian looks at her as she slowly disappears

Sebastian: I'm sorry I'm not burning this bridge it's my structure, I'm sorry Mary I had to lie I'm so depressed...

Fall arrived tonight

A stranger in Summerʼs town

He stole into the night

As the streets quieted down

A tricky little sprite

With a dying twisted crown

He searched across the moonlight

And ran until he fell down

In front of tallest tree in sight

And he presented her a gown

In the twinkling starlight

You could see the reds and browns

His tears came to light

Before his head could bow

As he wished with all his mite

That he could grow into her ground