Kidnapped at 9
Plucked naked by the raven
I remember everything
hands cuffed and screaming
running with swift blisters
No escape
terror beyond speech
thrown in the trunk
of an old beige Cadillac
I could hear the thump
of bumps on the pavement
the spin of cars and darkness
freeway to a mass grave
dizzy with fear driven
to a field behind a drive in
XXX Midnight Theater
Muffled sound of moaning
The trunk popped open
He just looked at me
he was calm for a killer
Twisted
head bent with sweat
crooked cock wet
throbbing for the kill
dirty and old
smelling of Sulfur
It was clear
I was not the first
never to be seen again
just me now
awaiting death
being dragged
through mud
to the swing set
The day my eyes turned black
Time locked and spun backwards
A time capsule of pain
Impossible to retrace
Sitting in the lap of Satan
I was small but I was fierce
-Retaliate-
bite
slice
scratch
stab
gouge eyes and run
face forward into
the ignorant crowd
ignore the giant horned owl
watching closely
as they fuck in back seats
drinking blood from plastic cups
laughing like ignorant sleaze
Who really
Fell that
wicked night
I wish I may
I wish I might
Have this wish
I wish tonight
A white Angel appeared above a yellow swing
my voice box blown open
Releasing blood with a
scream that curdled milk
filling the cracked window
of a 57 Chevy
his slice of midnight spoiled
fed with bread by wolves
for several years in a fractured cell
the moon peeking from behind a dark cloud
the angel chased the owl away
stars hanging from a string
The sirens were too late for me
or so it seems
damage had bled and
seeped through
my skin causing it to
remain thick through
this lifetime and the next
Nothing will ever be the same
You can not change what you have seen
I just had to learn to breathe
He returned once
When I was 23
Standing under my orange tree
Hands in his pockets
Set free like a sick mouse
My eyes still a stone shade of black
He smiled "the one that got away."
I sneered and said,
"I will see you on the other side."
He replied, "no, you won't."
I said "oh, but yes! I certainly will."
Wildfire
My pills have morphed
from white to yellow
watching men hop
on the moon
as they dream of a future
suffocating on Mars
space
time
continuum..
Galaxies cause me to bolt out of bed
whipping insatiable mundane into order
ice water and another pill
studying my tradition
synapses slow upon a cloud
to soothe and settle
behind cobweb eyes
splashing and flicking
faces with Champagne
laughing uncontrollably
shoving money into sand
watching wind carry it all away
Billie Holiday in the desert
streetlights a consistent green
solitude and remembering
floating below anxiety
silk nylons hanging
over limbs of an orchid
he is prepping to return
as I prepare to escape
like wildfire
Steel Heart
Falling out of skies
lava in veins
skin blistering
fire and snow
minds bending to
a golden ark
limbs drawn from
black ink into ice caps
cherry lips freezing metal
blushing heights
spinning past
centuries of honor
heavy wood of acacia
bowing beneath bodies
bamboo bruises marking
the years blocking wind
each crack an earthquake
born from volcanic shores
eyes of black wax and heat
devouring
soothing
wandering
the depth of shadow
blood expanding
exploding
emptying
exposing
an elapsing thief
Love
calling out to winds
remembering
reacting
drums striking
with heartbeats
built from steel
sighs whipping
through canyons
of clear blue water
feeling it there
against sandstone
with the strength
of a thousand suns
warming and releasing
fragile hearts
into solid iron core
minds surrendering
once and for all
till death do us part
Who is the fairest of them all?
Mirror, mirror, on the wall
Who's the fairest of them all?
Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
I try too hard,
I slip, I fall.
I fall until I am nothing at all.
Mirror, mirror, tall and grand,
I look in you,
I cannot stand,
I cannot stand what I must understand.
Mirror, mirror, tried and true.
I push away,
but I'm not through.
I will never be through, with this, with you.
Mirror, mirror, you may gleam,
Something is wrong,
The problem is me.
Me and everything else that is so obscene.
Mirror, mirror, seems you're broke,
Fallen apart,
I still look.
I looked, and that was all it took.
Mirror mirror, shook the ground,
Bright red wrists,
And a hospital gown.
Wretched gown, and tears falling down.
Mirror, mirror, round and bright,
Taken away,
To fix my sight.
Without my sight, perhaps I can end this long night.
Mirror, mirror, light at last,
I am strong now,
Take away the broken glass.
The glass belongs in the past.
Mirror, mirror, passed the test,
Impossible, I failed,
Put it to rest.
Rest in peace to all dreams of being the best.
Mirror, mirror, how it hurt,
To sell myself,
To prove my worth.
Outcast (2014)
Forsaken and rejected by all
I'm constantly harassed
Nobody cares that my feelings are crushed
I'm an outcast
I've always been excluded
Always been surpassed
The puppy that is never chosen
Just an outcast
Abandoned and friendless
I'm never first and always last
Isolated like a leper
I'm only an outcast
Feeling alone and always disowned
I'll be a death not worthy to broadcast
I'm described as lonely and deserted
I'm society's outcast
Everyday Demons
I thought I wanted to be like you.
Confident, alluring, daring.
You knew what you liked,
And what you didn't.
The only problem?
The things you liked aged you,
In ways unexplainable.
Drinking, smoking, boys.
Especially boys.
I wanted boys to like me,
Just as they liked you.
So that night,
I did things I regret.
I left my comfort zone,
But worst of all I realized
In order to be like you,
I couldn't be like me.
I had to change for you.
I thought that I was okay with that.
You said I looked pretty,
What you meant was different.
You had different motives,
Wanting me
To want you.
But I had different ideas
Of what we were going to do.
I thought I was being daring.
Not alluring.
I wanted to be adventurous.
You wanted to be pleased.
I read you all wrong.
You read me all right.
You knew what I wanted,
But you got what you wanted.
I wish you would leave me alone,
But you keep coming back.
When I say no,
You change it to a yes.
You say that I'm the only one.
Yet you pretend,
I'm not in the room
When I am right next to you.
I know you see me,
More so than I would like.
But you pretend
That you see
Right through me.
I want you to say something.
Anything.
I crave for your attention,
Your praise.
There we where,
Me and you.
I tried to act calm,
But all I wanted was to be
Somewhere else.
Anywhere else.
Back in my room.
Back at my house.
On a deserted highway bridge.
I wanted to be alone,
Not with you and your friends.
I wasn't comfortable
I would have payed you
To leave me alone.
Any amount really.
I would've done anything,
I just wanted out.
I still see you,
More often than I would like.
I can't forget past events,
I can't just make everything okay again.
I wish I could,
But that wish is reliant on you.
Will you make the first move?
I already know the answer,
No.
All you will do
Is make it seem as if it's my fault.
I want to set the blame
On someone,
Something else.
But the only one
Responsible for this mess
Is you.
That night,
You preyed on her.
While looking to me for help.
You thought that
I was the one calling the shots.
What you didn't know
Was that she couldn't be tamed,
Held down,
I had no control.
She got what she wanted,
You just didn't know yet,
That I wasn't her.
You expected too much out of me,
Even though you knew the truth.
I wasn't comfortable.
I was vulnerable.
You were the only one who noticed.
As much as I try to find
Another to blame
For stealing my innocence,
All paths lead to you.
The one who knew my secrets,
Who earned my trust.
You stole my innocence,
Coaxing me to be more outgoing.
But really,
I was just turning into a new version of you.
You pretended that we were friends,
But then you stabbed my back.
You built me up,
Just to tear me down.
And the sad part is,
I still see you everyday,
And act like I'm your friend too.
Old souls
Beauty is as beauty does
The soul knows that's the heart
Of the place where poetry goes
In search of sympathy and art.
It falls and withers I suppose
Til someone breathes a kiss
A sandy moment of nibbling bliss
Sometimes also killing us.
Then ofttimes cutting to the quick
Where the red fox lives her myth
Dreaming dreams of happiness
Hopefully found but often missed.
Just as the limpid pool is left forlorn
In the roseate gloom of a wispy dawn
Her lovely words a prickling thorn
Her anxious hopes disgarded pawns.
But then and thus we bear a cross
And vision images we can but mourn
That sometimes leave us at a loss
But teach us how to ease our pain.
While standing high above us tall
Finding us ancient mysteries
Is the oracle who can riddle us
And even make the priest confess.
It's a tough world we inhabit
With extremes of agony and bliss
To which the heart makes us listen
And the aching soul answers, 'I exist'.
Dear poet, or poets, if you find yourselves, this is about you. Otherwise, it is all about me, as I would like to see myself but can never be.