“Non te conturbent”, is Latin for ‘do not be scared’. Those were the words I woke up to, in the middle of that cold November night. I had just finished watching a particularly frightening episode of a popular series on Netflix and I confess I am not good at processing horror. The weird blue light coming through the only window in my bedroom did not help either. Determined to control my thumping heart that momentarily threatened to send my freak-o-meter into overdrive, I took a deep breath. “There is no lady with a broken neck”, I murmured reminiscing a scene from the series, as I turned to my right, facing away from the lit window.

That’s when I noticed a depression on my mattress at the far right, as if someone’s weight was pressing down on it. “Ah it must be the springs!”, I said aloud partially hoping that my voice will scare the springs back to life. As I stretched my left hand to rub the top of the sunken side of the bed covered with bright accents from my designer blanket, I immediately withdrew. I could see the silhouette of his body, appearing to get more visible with every passing second. He had a dark colored coat on and as he turned towards me, I noticed the enormous mustache that adorned his face. He had sharp features and a receding hairline. His face looked intense, as if he had something very important to say. A strange calm flowing through my body, I slowly sat up.

“Do not be scared to tell the world your deepest darkest secret”, said the shadowy figure in a language that sounded like Greek or Latin to me. Somehow his words made sense, rather magically, as if the sound waves were translated into English, in thin air.

“What? Are you talking to me? Who are you?”, I asked.

“I am Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, the coward philosopher who failed his love”, said the apparition.

“What? You were on the notice board in my history classroom. Aren’t you dead?”, I asked stupidly.

“I know you don’t believe in God, Sam but Ubermensch my friend! You have power over yourself and your actions. How long will you be silent?”, asked the almost invisible intruder.

“Friedrich, you never believed in Christ, did you? My family does and I am afraid of the consequences revealing my secret will have on them.”, I replied looking away momentarily.

“I repent for a few things. The last ten years of my life were spent in confinement within four walls, before I passed into this parallel universe. Unfinished business does no one good”, said the ghost of Friedrich with his head hanging low.

I wondered how he knew about my closely guarded secret. However I could never bring myself to ask that question. It was left hanging somewhere between my throat and lips.

“What do you repent for? Were you like me?”, I asked assuming he knew my secret.

“I was Sam, and I kept it away from everyone including the one I loved. Happiness is a consequence of the effort you put in to overcome life’s hurdles to fulfill your will. Lack of which can drive anyone crazy, as it did me”, said the almost invisible man who was now uttering words that pierced my heart’s strings.

“I…errr…. I ….”, I failed to utter anything coherent.

“Say it to the world Sam… say it to relieve your heart.. cross that hurdle.. JUST SAY IT!”, he screamed.

“I AM GAY!”, I shouted. I woke up to see my roommate Roland staring down my face.

Apparently I scared the wits out of him.

“Are you alright? What did you say?”, asked Roland.

I cried and nodded my head in agreement trying to wrap around the fact that my biggest secret has escaped my lips. Roland took a few steps back and looked like he was still processing what he heard. Till now, I was perceived as an uptight gentleman who somehow magically got around girls. In fact, I was a confidante to every good looking girl in college and the boys never understood how I did it.

The adrenaline rush jolted me awake. The right corner of my mattress indeed looked like someone had sat there too long. The translated work of Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche lay on the side table next to my bed along with my glasses perched awkwardly on it. So it was a dream inside a dream, like a double rainbow; rare, like Friedrich himself.

I could hear hushed voices around me and remember feeling excruciating pain on every inch of my body. My lungs almost exploded inside my chest and I remember letting out a cry, or maybe a whimper that escaped my parched lips. My eyelids felt heavy and as if they were glued shut, the darkness scared me. When I opened them, the light pierced through and all I saw was white. The touch jolted me in an instant and a voice that said “Rose”, sent me into momentary panic and disarray. “Welcome back!”, said the calm voice and I remember the owner of that voice gently placing a pair of shades on me to help me with the bright light. I could focus better. The lady said she was a doctor. Never seen a female doctor in my life time.

The UFOs over D.C. was the last crazy thing I heard before I signed the documents agreeing to be cryogenically frozen. The fact that I am in 2019 is next! A bad marriage and need for funds drove me to this sacrifice in the name of science. The program was not approved then by the US Government and it wasn’t until 1962, or so I hear from my doctors. They don’t even have me on record as the first person frozen! No family, meant my body remained abandoned here in the facility owing to legal troubles and poor management. I don’t know what pained more in the days that followed, my body or my mind. I wasn’t briefed on anything, just let go after a week of physical rehabilitation. They told me they do not have funding for covering further medical expenses and I was asked to leave.

The reception area looked different from when I walked in here the first time. I saw computers and laptops being used by my doctors and was amazed by those and they seem to have one of those at the reception too. Then there are other things like the hairstyles and attire. They all looked so different and interesting. I think I might have stared at the receptionist too long as she looked irritated. “Door is that way”, she said curtly. I opened the glass door and stepped out. I closed it again and stepped back and looked nervously at the receptionist. The look on her face made me reach for the door again.

The overcast skies made it a dull day outside and better on my eyes. There were people of every color, some in coats, some in shorts thronging the streets of New York City that day. So many women were out and about, looking important. Men and women in all different shades. Change is good, or so I thought.

A smartly dressed man caught my eye. He seemed to be in conversation with nobody. He looked at me and said something staring at me top to toe. I smiled and wanted to tell him how crazy I was feeling. He pushed me away and pointed at a white object on his ear. I was a little hurt and blinded by it maybe that I didn’t see where I was headed. The honk of the car whose headlights stopped inches from my thighs, gave my until recently frozen heart a fright, that it almost popped out of my throat. Growing up I adored cars and seeing one so gleamy I was lost for a bit I think, when another horn made me double up. The driver seemed agitated as I tried to tell him why I was amazed at how his car looked. He shouted some profanities I haven’t heard before. I crossed the road fast and turned back to look at the building I have occupied for these past sixty-six years. It was very different from what I remember it to be. The old name board has been replaced by giant TV screens. The last time I saw a screen that big was in a movie theater. They were all in color, I remembered back in the day they were so rare.

I stopped a young man and asked him what the rectangular thing in his hand was that he was scratching on and he gave me the weirdest look and said that’s his phone. Before I was frozen, rotary phones were a thing. They seem to have found a way to make it work without a chord! I didn’t quite get how scratching at it worked though.

The clouds broke apart, thunder rung out. Rain! I sang my favorite song “Singin’ in the rain”, also was the last movie I saw before deciding to be frozen. I was feeling proud that I memorized the song , so I flapped my hands out and tried to take a few steps from the song. A little girl smiled at me as I waved at her. She was sweet and her Mom smiled at my dancing. I felt happy and so I danced even more. I twirled like the ballet dancers in the Rockettes company all while singing loud, disregarding the pain in my knees. I didn’t see the man with the coffee cup. I spilled it all over him and he was angered. “Mad woman!”, He screamed. I tried giving him the cup but he didn’t care. The cup said Starbucks and the shape of the cup was nothing like I have ever seen before. It smelled of vanilla bean and it made me hungry. I could read “Starbucks” on a screen not far away. There was a huge line of people standing outside the shop unfazed by rain, just like me and I wondered what they were waiting for. “So what do we get here at StAAAARbucks”, I asked the lady in front of me, smiling hoping to strike a conversation.

She answered without taking eyes off her phone, “Coffee, what else does everyone come here for!”.

“Is it that special?”, I enquired smiling while peeking to see the phone, for I wanted to know what was so interesting that everyone was looking at their’s so intently.

“It’s just easy”, said the lady moving away, blocking the screen from my view, without even looking at my face even once.

The TV on the wall spoke about some shooting at school and how the numbers are appalling this year. The lady asked looking at me finally, “What? You haven’t seen that? it's in the news these days, every other day for years.” I tried to tell her where I was coming from and how everything looked different to me. She must have thought I am crazy and looked away.

I wondered why no-one was interested in holding a conversation with a stranger anymore, or is it that I have become one to the world now? Maybe change isn’t so good after all.

I realized standing there that all I had now was money and myself. A listening ear was not something I could buy. The frost bitten, shriveled skin on my hands and face were giving way to new healthy skin. Heal I shall from inside-out. Maybe one day I shall write about my life and people shall read it off those screens they seem to like so much.

“I shall be heard, I promise”, said me, to myself.