Human

Am I human?

I don't think so, the way people interact with each other so easily leads me to believe maybe not.

"Just tell me what's bothering you!" Well, to be honest, your voice. And also these flickering lights. No, I'm not going crazy. I've always been able to see it like that. Just get me out of here before I short-circuit.

"It's not hard, just go and talk to people." Well, it is hard when people are speaking a different language than you. We're both speaking English but something got lost in translation.

"Why are you so picky? Don't be so childish." Well, I could eat this lovely half-baked pumpkin pie, but I would puke it back up. The texture is like sucking on a slug, if I'm being truthful. How would you like it if I told you to suck on a slug?

"Stop fidgeting like that, it's distracting me." Well, it may be distracting you but you know what's distracting me? The scratch of your pencil against the paper! Chalk against a chalkboard, the hum of these florescents, Abby popping her gum! Just let me tap my fingers in peace. Smoke is going to start pouring out of my mouth if you hold my hands down like that.

"Snap out of it! What's wrong with you?" Well, it seems an overload to my optical, audio, and sensory units has caused my voice component to malfunction. I'm afraid any sounds coming out of that thing right now are going to be screams. And I don't think anyone wants their trip to the mall spoiled by my screeching.

Robot metaphors are the easiest for them to understand. So what if I take comfort in it? At least if I'm a robot, there's others like me. There's the Alexa, who doesn't understand speech sometimes even if you're talking right in her ear. The Roomba, who has only one purpose in life, and carries out his task without ever getting bored.

I'm allowed to take comfort in it if I want. God knows I'm not finding any comfort with the outside world.

"She's trapped in her own head, sometimes."

If only you knew how right you were.

don't touch me. don't touch me SQUEEZE ME UNTIL MY RIBS CRACK but dont come near me, i'm having a heart attack and i'm going to throw up.

i'm dying. is this what it feels like to die? my heart is pounding and i can barely think straight and the ad i saw on tv tells me this is a heart attack but i can't move from this spot to chew aspirin, because i'm dying and HELP ME WHY WON'T SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE i can barely think straight i'm dizzy.

i'm surely dying. my heart is exploding, blood or maybe spit is dripping down my lips and my hands are wet with sweat, i can't even open this door to call for help.

so here i'll sit, on this bathroom floor, waiting for the terror to end.