I was never the same

After that fateful night

When my love was stilled

And his soul took flight

I was never the same

After that fateful day

When the gods came down

And took the baby away

I was never the same

After the surprise

Of four mighty children

With love in their eyes

I was never the same

After loves lost and gone

Hearts broken and bleeding

Darkest before the dawn

I was never the same

After respectful love found

My heart finds peace

In your love it abounds

I don't know what to think.

My mind is hazy, I'm out of sync.

I'm feeling like I'm down and out.

I'm just so fed up I want to shout.

This life is crazy and off the rails.

You'd never believe half of my tales.

Booze and drugs and sex galore.

I'm still searching for a girl to adore.

I'm feeling pain. I'm feeling sadness.

I don't know why. It's total madness.

It all came on without any warning.

Someone please help me. Please!

I'm not crying a single tear.

I'm not happy or full of cheer.

I wish I could make it go away.

Someone help me please. Help!

This emptiness was unexpected.

I was happy with a smile yesterday.

These dark clouds could be why.

The rain drops are making me cry.

This sorrow and sadness will drive me to madness.

The continued madness is causing my sadness.

Help me out. Get me out of this place.

Fearless! Power that is unlimited.I reach high above the clouds but can't seem to touch..If I see my eyes won't take much !The sun shines ,bright yellow glow makes me remember always that God allows the wind too blow.Looking over my life seems to past ,knowing that God gives everyone second chance.He is a spirit that you can't defeat ,his Son took pain and torture from head to feet!So remember he's not hard too seek .

PROLOGUE

LIFE IS SO CRUEL

Life is full of disappointments. I can't explain to you how much I hate my life at the moment. The world is so screwed up, I just want to dissolve into dust and be blown away by the wind, so I can get out of this messed up world we live in.

The world has no value in life, however, people just go with the flow and take whatever comes to them. Good or Bad. Right now, I'm living in the Bad world, where the Devil gave me the worst punishment of all.

Losing someone I cared and adored for.

It feels like God has disappeared and the Devil took his place to rule this messed up world. He's definitely controlling my life. I had to endure the bad memories he gave me and the person I cared for.

The Devil is following us everywhere we go whether you're aware of it or not. The Devil is vindicating innocent people for no reason. It was a plight to see everything turn from a bright light of happiness to a dark place where you can never find your way back to the light.

Ever since I was born, I was filled with happiness and love because of my mother and father. Needless to say, everything turned upside down when one person disappeared from my life forever. I'll never get the happiness and affection from the person I loved ever again, because the Devil took them away from me. It feels like someone ripped my heart out of my chest and broke it into a million pieces.

I always ask myself, "Why does everything happen to innocent people?" "Why do they have to suffer from something they didn't do?"

It's heartbreaking.

Furthermore, everything is different now. My life before is never going to be the same again. Right now I'm standing in front of a grave, reading everything verbatim. I just can't help myself but let the tears fall out of my tear ducts and pour down my cheeks freely, letting the emotions get to me.

The words I see, is what I'm going to remember for the rest of my life. The words that are going to haunt me for a long time.

Rest in Peace

❁

. . .

My heart breaks every time I read those words because I'm never going to see the real thing again. I'm never going to see the loving, smart, kind, and amazing person I've ever met again. I'm never going to see their remarkable face again and their beautiful personality. The Devil took the happiness away from me for no reason.

Not even a warning was provided for me.

I'm never going to see . . .

My first love . . . ever again.

It gives me peace, an opportunity to explore, and express myself without the awkward situations surrounding verbal communication.

A written word can contribute to endless ideas,  and opportunities;

whether they are simple or complex, but they exist within one's mind.

From beauty to the hideous, it all can be imagined, and relived throughout centuries!

This is why I write.

The stove, is it on? Is that door locked.

The windows keep rattling, the dogs just won't stop.

What was that thing that I said,

 Years ago, with cheeks bright red and hate in my soul.

Where am I going, and who will I be?

What is the reason for stars and the sea?

Can I belong here? What is this life?

Why did I lose her at the end of a knife?

Secrets I've whispered at tender age of youth,

Haunt my soul with painstaking truth.

Black shadows will dance in my corners of my eyes,

While flashes of yellows on screens shortly die.

The visions I had when I was a boy,

are products of parents who thought of a toy.

A vision to create, as my eyes start to fall

into my wonderland, into my wall.

One that I made, many years ago

when sugar plum fairies made friends with the woe.

Finally I fall away from the quest,

away, away, into a sleepless rest.

I wonder till when can this thing last

The anger, frustation

All welling up all of a sudden

Mind being packed with all sorts of ideas

And worries

And stress

And emotions

Heart being packed with all sorts of decisions

And jammed in between right or wrong

To do this or that

Whether to limit mind or heart

When everything you controlled 

Becomes carried away

And you realize 

Evrything is limitless 

Like that 

I lie here

And realize

That I am nothing

And no one

I don't matter

Not really

I could lie here

Until I died

And the world

Wouldn't slow down

Even a little

No one would miss me

For very long anyways

I'm just a thing

That moves

For a little while

But then doesn't

That's my life

In a nutshell

...Fuck that

I may be a thing

And maybe

I don't matter

To the big ol universe

But I matter to myself

To my present and future friends

To my present and future family

I can change my environment

I can change myself

And that's enough

To will myself to move

To explore

To learn

To experience

To love

And that makes me some thing

That wants to live

Wants to fight

I better get up

I've got shit to do