You found me too much chaos,

But it wasn't me who was too much.

It was you, who was only used to perfect weather -

Sunny skies and moonlit nights.

But you didn't realise,

That the moment on you I set my eyes,

You had been loved by a hurricane.

Ritika. Jolly

And so I spun in layers

of skin and linen sheets

heavy sighs 

and winter rain 

my hair a mess

telling stories 

of last nights dream 

electric eyes, and lips so cold

these pale hands turning over

fallow earth

and finding corpses.

imperfect translations,

certain methods of achieving

distraction;

the way you smiled

in the late morning,

post-coffee primeval bliss,

natural light

on human skin.

it makes it impossible

to refuse to kiss you now;

only waiting

to catch you unawares.

how beautiful, flaws and fallacies

which change nothing of sorrow,

the past and

why you remember it.

snow collapses like white sand

and you are not here anymore.

so to forget,

i bury roses.

This is her. 

The one you've been waiting for.

The one you crave. 

How can you know you need me when you don't really know what you'll be getting?

You don't know me. You only know what I allow you to know.

But you already knew that. Didn't you? You already knew that I like to play pretend. 

Some days I'm the innocent.

Some days I'm the bitch.

Slut, Virgin, domme, sub, adventurer.

You don't know and even if we ever meet, playing pretend will still be my favourite game. You still won't know who I am.

Does it make you curious?

Does it make you nervous?

Sad, scared, angry, excited, sadistically turned on?

Tell me. I really want to understand the pull towards me.

Do you think I'll play cat and mouse with you? No? Yes? 

Which will I be?

You think I'll get down and dirty? Tell you all my fantasies, all of my wants and needs, my secret darkest fetishes?

Nah, 

I'm a fucking angel...

Or am I?

I remember sitting in my room,

immersed in my own fictional world 

as words flew from my fingers and dripped

onto what once a blank piece of paper. 

Then I heard a loud bang that forced me

out of my trance. I ignored it and resumed to write, but the noises got louder and that's when I realized hail was falling from the great white clouds. Once the raging sky calmed, I went outside and was overcome with devastation. My windshield was cracked, but still intact. I simply did not have the

time to get it fixed, so I drove around a few weeks with my broken windshield. I noticed that whenever I was driving down the road, I could feel everyone staring a beat too long in my direction. I could feel everyone wondering what happened to my windshield.

I knew everyone was questioning why I would let something broken be seen, so publicly, in a society that craves and yearns for perfection. 

There were boys

Who wanted to vandalize my sanity

A piece of their property

No, I didn't belong

But I had nothing else going on

And so I took a dip

In the sea of shit

Let them feed off my hips

I was nearly blue and gone

Before he saw me

When he could did he find me

In dire need of breathing

Pulled out the barbed rays of which did surround me

Brushed the hair out of my face to tell me I was alive

Saved me from the monsters that I allowed to surround me..........

Listen to/YouTube Adam Green (Dance With Me) while reading this

I can taste cigarettes on my breath

When I think of the times we were young and beautiful

I can smell the leaves ablaze, the wet dirt in my hair

The evergreens sweating, watching us flirt and drink from our cans

I can hear the thunder from the drums roll and rumble

From under the steel doors leading down to your lair

We danced to the sound of fun, to escapism, to being in love and lost in a trance of victory-we had found our treasure

There were candles flickering, laundry going

I could taste the whiskey on your breath and memorized each golden speck that shimmered in your brown eyes while you watched me undress-Six

There were purple, red lights, greens and golds

With dangling plastic hearts taped from the beams and rafters

Decorating, illuminating

Our spirits into crosses

A curtain, hiding your photo enlarger, paintings on the wall

I scratched your back

An organ, a pipe, a set of cards

We  kissed, we kissed, we kissed

The warmth from his skin

Brought me home as a child

I felt so secure

We were a helix of flesh, morphing into one heart

On his tattered old couch

A love so strong, it was bulletproof

To this any army could march

Music of the past blared from out of his record player

"Vanilla Fudge"

We smoked and puffed out clouds

For dragons to fly through

And all the dangers in the world became see through

A curtain, hiding your photo enlarger, paintings on the wall

We smoked and puffed out clouds

And laughed at nothing, but everything and all.

silence please..

don't say a word

white petals are falling

I can't take the sword

just a war between dry-eyes

when the faith cries

when your slaves of love are not free

when you tell me the white lies

I never let your blood pouring the glass

when the battle was won by us

and the crown wasn't stolen by the rusty grass

and you just sang the lullaby

and looking to the stars..