Julianna had heard the phrase “raining in sheets”, but hadn’t entirely understood it until spending a stormy season in Florida. It was doing just that as she made her way down the dirt road just off of State Road 50. The Honda’s headlight bobbed and heaved with the severe dips cut into the mud by the afternoon showers for the past week. She struggled to see through water pouring onto her windshield as the wipers made pitiful attempts at slicing through it, providing only the weakest amount of visibility.

The old bag’s probably asleep, as usual, she thought to herself, straining to see the flimsy black mailbox that would signal the Tethers’ house. She probably wouldn’t even notice if I skipped this stop. She pressed onward, though, knowing it would be just her luck for Reeva Tethers to be waiting up for her and call into the office to give them an earful of just how lazy and inconsiderate her caretaker was.

Julianna’s eyes flicked to the clock one her dashboard; 8:46 P.M. Darkness had fallen an hour prior, but even before that it had been dreary and grey with storm clouds crawling across the sky around 1 in the afternoon. She suppressed the urge to be upset she wasn’t back at her house, reading a book with her new tea she had picked up the day before instead of inching down a sorry excuse of a clay road in Florida swamp lands, praying she wouldn’t get stuck.

What, no Southerners? Well, allow me to present some good ole’ Southern North Carolina colloquialisms.

1- Bless your heart / Ain’t you precious - The polite southern way of saying you try real hard, but you just aren’t the brightest bulb in the box. Or in some cases, you’re just dumb.

2- Britches - Pants

3- Clod-hoppers - Big, clunky, over-sized shoes

4- Colder than a witch’s titty in a brass bra in the middle of January - It’s hell-a cold outside.

5- Slower than mollasses running uphill on a cold day - If you got any slower we’d need to check your pulse to make sure you’re still alive.

6- Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down (aka - hit with an ugly stick) - You’re just not very attractive

7- lick - A measurement, as in “I was so tired that I didn’t get a lick of work done today”

Or as in an ass-whooping - “My dad gave me a good lickin when I got suspended from school.”

8- poop or get off the pot - Make a choice or get out of the way.

9- Skedaddle - Depart in a hurry.

10- To’ up from the flo’ up - Again, another off-hand way of saying you’re not so pretty. Seems the south has a lot of ways to tell you that you’re ugly.

11- Figure - An unexpected outcome... “He hadn’t figured he’d win the pig wrestling contest at the fair.”

12- Fixin - Getting ready to do something “I was fixin to get ready to go.” Translated literally to, “I was getting ready to get ready to go.”

13- Goober - Double meanings - meaning #1- A peanut. Meaning #2 - A peanut-head/pea-brained/lacking common sense - “I saw that goober tryin to fish in his swimming pool.”

14- Hankering - A strong desire to do or have something. “I got a hankering for a tomato and mayo sandwhich.”

15- Like to - No, it doesn’t mean you’d like to meet Kim Khardasian (bleah). Like to translates to, “I like to have crapped my pants when I saw that bear in the woods.”

16- Purdy - Pretty, as in “You sure do got a purdy mouth” (quote from the movie Deliverance)

17- The South (aka The Southern States) - The states of West Virginia, Virginia, Kentucky, North & South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Tennessee. Sorry, Florida, no offense, but where I’m from Florida is a state that happens to be in the south where rich yanks go to retire.

18- Yanks - Anyone originally from north of Kentucky and West Virginia, to include parts west to Ohio and Michigan.

19- Reckon - To make an assumption. “Well, I reckon I’ve written enough of these now.”

20- Piddlin - To waste time. “Stop piddlin around reading this and go to work already.”

Your skin, paper

My mouth, pen

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

5:43 pm. Such an odd number. I like round numbers: 5:30, 6:00, even 5:45 has a certain balance to it. 5:43 is crooked, twisted, ugly.

They should have been home at 5:30. Dinner was in the oven. Shrimp and scallops with tomato and spinach. Herbed pearl couscous. I even made a pie. They’d been begging for one. I kept saying no, wait till Thanksgiving. But I made it.

It’s still sitting on the counter. The casserole dish with the shrimp and scallops is still on the floor by the wall where I threw it after the police rang the bell. After I ran to the door thinking they forgot the key or had their arms full of flowers or bags or just felt like making me run to the door. After I opened the door, smiling at the officer, asking if I could help him, before, I took in the hat in the hand, and the sorrowful eyes. After I screamed no or please or just screamed as the officer stepped in and helped me while I cried and he explained that there had been an accident. That a truck had lost control and crushed the car my son drove with my husband as they came home from work. That they had died instantly.

“Is there anyone I can call for you, ma’am?”

My neighbor heard the screaming, I guess, and came running in that moment. The officer, relieved, gave her some information and left.

She walked me in to the house, holding me.

I smelled dinner.

I ran to the kitchen, took it out of the oven and threw it against the wall. The clock fell, too.

It was 5:43.

What are you addicted to, love?

That’s what she asked.

And it all poured out:

I’m addicted to people;

To the buzz of my phone;

To getting strange texts

Saying “Are you alone?”.

I’m addicted to surfing

And Facebook and stuff

But whatever I get

It’s just never enough.

Did it come from a lack of enjoyment with you?

No it didn’t, I love you,

It came out of the blue.

So I’m checking and checking

And checking again

My addiction destroying

My life and my Zen

And I’ll tell you a secret

If you don’t tell my wife

Oh, hang on… I’ve got a message

I’ll get back to you later with that secret I was talking about.

Drugs and cigarrettes are stupid. Maybe you already agree, maybe you use one of these products right now, but I will never in my life try a cigarette or take drugs for any reason.

When it comes up in conversation, I go silent. When I see someone smoking nearby, I subtly cover my nose. When someone cracks a joke about crack, I fake laugh because I know I can't convince them anything different from what society has taught them. I don't even try, because I know what their arguments will be, and that addiction hears no reason. The only thing I say--the thing I find myself saying more and more nowadays because a conversation can't stay away from these topics for long--is this:

"I have never smoked or done drugs in my life, and I never will. Period."

Guess this isn't really the right prompt because I'm not trying to convince you to agree with me. I just know that if you disagree then there's no real way to convince you otherwise.

Your favorite mug

Smashed on the ground

Blue and white ceramic

On the kitchen tiles

Floating in coffee

Black, the way you liked

And black, like the feeling inside

When you know

Your rock isn’t there anymore

Black, like the words you threw

And black, like the sky outside

When there’s no moon

To light the road as you drive

Black, like the car you hit

And black, like the uniforms

When the police arrives

To say you’re not coming back

Black, like the anger that caused this

And black, like my clothes

When I go

To your funeral.