TRIGGER WARNING

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Picture Perfect.

Always smiling.

No way to let out this pain.

No way to fully tell the truth.

Picture Perfect.

Always pretty.

Hairstyles complex,

Name brand shoes flex.

Picture Perfect.

Always sweet.

Never rude, timid, or meek.

Picture Perfect.

Cover Girl.

I've cut so much.

I've cried so hard.

Picture Perfect.

Make it stop!

I don't want to be on top!!

Picture Perfect.

Here I go.

Finally.

I can just...

Let go.

Picture Perfect.

Off the bridge.

Flying through the sky.

Picture Perfect.

Now you know.

I just can't wait to smile again.

Familiar places.

Familiar faces.

But still foreign.

So many people.

So many voices.

But no one to listen.

So much life.

So much depth.

But ignored still.

Disconnected

Different

Outcast

Isolated

Dear Brain,

I have a request to make,

can we take a little break?

I know you want to speak,

But I am trying to sleep.

Dear Brain,

What is wrong now?

I have done all I can.

Please let me go,

don't trap me in fantasies.

Dear Brain,

Can we at least focus?

I need to know this.

Can I have some peace,

not chasing every little breeze.

Dear Brain,

I didn't mean to hurt you so bad!

I didn't want to hit my head.

I will try pills from the store,

so we won't hurt anymore.

Dear Brain,

Why do you make me fear,

Why do nightmares appear?

Please make them stop,

so I can fill my energy to the top.

Dear Brain,

We are one right?

Then why do we fight?

Tell me what's wrong,

as we go through our dance and song.

Louise was sitting alone at night. She couldn't sleep thanks to the nightmares of the night. She knew those were memories, but some memories she wished she could forget. She dreamt or remembered, a horrid day when she was 7 years old. A criminal had been caught, and was to be hanged, in the middle of town. Usually, her parents always took her inside and didn't let her or her sister leave until it was over and the body was taken care of. But there had been no warning. She was walking home when a huge crowd blocked her way. She had tried to fight her way through it, but she was pushed to the front, where the doomed man stood on the platform. Before she could blink, the lever was pulled and the man fell. But he didn't die immediately. The rope didn't go all the way through, so he was hanging there with his head half-off. His eyes stared right into Louise's terror and pain coursing through them. Louise had woken up and hadn't been able to go back to sleep. What she really wanted was a hug, but all her friends were asleep, So she sat down, wishing that she only received the good memories, but that wasn't how the spell worked. So there she sat in the dark, with no one and nothing but the stars for comfort.

***********************************TRIGGER WARNING****************************

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Wednesday morning, as 1st period was ending, I began to have issues with my Anxiety. 'Kay. Cool. I'll be fine.' As 2nd period goes on, the shaking gets worse, my anxiety still climbing. 'That's no good. You can still cope through this. Just breath, Anne.' By 3rd period, I'm uncontrollably shaking, unable to sit still, my brain is going a million miles an hour and, I'm having a panic attack. I've gone down to the office with my friend, and it takes them five freaking minutes to get me with someone because my usual counselor wasn't in the building. All the while, I'm raking my nail beds across eachother 3 times every breath. The inhale and exhale lasting about 5 seconds. It takes over an hour, 45 minutes sitting and talking with this counselor, to calm myself down. And when I do, my ADHD self sits still. For 2 whole minutes. (Which never happens) And my anxiety spikes again. Which it shouldn't have, but you know me. When I go back to class, I'm still shaky, but in a better mindset. Mind you, I've been taking a new medication for a few days.

The rest of the day, I remain shakey, and 4 times I found myself seriously contemplating suicide. Once out of the 10 times I went mentally searching for a coping method, I thought, 'Why not drugs? Try alcohol. Hell, go for nicotin.' And at a public school, I have access(which is super sad) to all of these. When that thought crossed my mind, not only did I push it down, but I prayed. Prayed that God would walk in step with me and that I'd be able to get through this.

I talked about it 5 times that day after school. Today, I'm doing okay. I'm sharing this for the point of pointing out that suicidal thoughts could kick in anytime, anywhere, no matter the situation. You could be having a great day and the next thing you know, you're thinking about how much it's actually worth it.

Please don't ever hesitate to call your local hotline. Don't ever hesitate to tell someone you trust what's going on. You are special and no one could ever change that.

This was my little bit for today. I love you. God loves you. Take care, my friends.

[TRIGGER WARNING: Blood, death, & the consumption of organs][If you haven't guessed, this is dark.]

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The short, seemingly young girl giggled. It wasn't a normal giggle, though. It was that of terrifing intentions.

"You wanna know a secret?" She asked, slipping the ceramic knife from it's holster on her thigh as she approached the tied down man. She slinked about the chair he was in, the 4 foot tall programming pausing behind him to whisper. "I was made to fight off viruses, essentially I'd eat them- But honestly-" She dropped her voice, making it seductively sweet. "I prefer human hearts."

She giggled that same giggle as she rounded her now even more terrified victom. She stood in front of the man, sliding her knife down the left side of his torso, shoulder to lower rib cage before slicing him horizontally.

The man screamed against his bonds and gag, tears streaking down his cheeks as he felt her search for the rapidly beating organ with a tiny hand. "Good night!" She said cheerily, yanking it from his chest.

I've been in too many houses and too many schools. Moved too many times and lost too many friends. I remeber the first actual friend I made. Ever. But. I haven't seen her in almost 4 years. I remember the people I've hurt. I remember those I've helped. But most importantly, I remember him. We're so close. He was the first to break down my barriers. I met him in 7th grade. I remember the first time I opened up to him. I remember what he helped me through. I also remember that I never really thanked him. So here I am. Thanking him.

Thank you. Thank you so much my friend. For everything you've done for me and all you've been. You've impacted my life so very much and I just want to thank you.

Thank you, Avery.

I am

Choking,

I’m dying,

I’m wheezing

Just waiting for someone to take me away.

I am

Loosing all concious

With no place to hide

Or anywhere to stay.

[Chorus]

Can’t you Hear me?

Hear my Screaming?

Must I Yell a little Louder?

I can

Feel His hands

At my throat,

Feel His dark breath

Going down the back of my neck.

I can’t

See a way out

Don’t know how I even

Got into this mess

[Chorus]

Can’t you Hear me?

Hear my Screaming?

Must I Yell a little Louder?

[Bridge]

Anxiety, Anxiety,

The one who pulls me down.

Anxiety, Anxiety,

The hands that hold me back.

[Chorus 2]

Can’t you Hear me?

Hear my Screaming?

Can I not get your attention?

[Brigde 2]

Anxiety, Anxiety

The burden on my heart