Four friends physically lost. A lot more emotionally/mentally lost. What scares me the most is losing someone I love. Whether that means physically or emotionally, it’s scary. The first time you talk to them, the first time you realize you’re friends is the best. You have someone to look out for you. But the moment the stop acting like themselves is terrifying. Things that used to be said to each other, can’t be said anymore. Then you’re out of the loop, they don’t tell you anything, even though everyone around seems to know. So you continually ask the people they talk to if they’re okay. Next thing you know, you’re not even talking anymore, you’re not allowed to. The scary thing is, you never know how things are. You can’t even wrap your head around how things got this bad. Yes, we’ve all lost someone physically, but at least you know they aren’t in pain anymore. So far, four friends have been taken from me. Whether it was suicide or accidents, either way it’s terrifying. So far, many have been taken emotionally. And I’m sure I’m not the only one.

Yeah, don't talk down to me

That's not gonna work now

Packed all my clothes and I moved out

I don't even wanna go to your house

Everytime I sit on that couch

I feel like you lecture me

Eventually, I bet that we

Could have made this work and probably woulda figured things out

But I guess that I'm a letdown

But it's cool, I checked out

Oh, you wanna be friends now?

Okay, let's put my fake face on and pretend now

Sit around and talk about the good times

That didn't even happen

I mean, why are you laughing?

Must have missed that joke

Let me see if I can find a reaction

No, but at least you're happy

If I’d known

I would’ve said more

Done more

I would’ve told you

You’re valuable

Don’t go

If I’d known

I could’ve said something

Done something

To make sure you knew

People love you

If I’d known

You could’ve been here

If I’d known

I would’ve told you everyday

How much you mean

God... if I’d known

They say I’m one of the happiest people they know, but they don’t know how I am alone. They can’t see the scars because they are hidden.

They can’t see my frustrations, or my anxieties shine through. They can’t see how many times I’ve cried myself to sleep, or stayed lying in bed awake, afraid to close my eyes.

My physical and mental disabilities are invisible to others. They are hidden and ignored, not, healed.

Ignoring the hurt won’t heal, all that does is proves tolerance. Acknowledging the scars and the fresh wounds is one thing, knowing how to deal with them, now that’s another.

Scars never truly heal, they are there to remind us of how hard we have worked to get to where we are now.

Am I just disposable?

You say you don’t have time to come

But you have time to go with someone else

You say you can’t see me because you’re sick

But you have no problem seeing other people

I’m losing everyone I thought I could trust.

People I thought cared about me

People I love so much

People I’ve shared thousands of memories with.

But why?