I miss him a lot.

His laugh,

His smile,

His stupid jokes.

How safe he made me feel when

We were together.

The 13 hour conversation we had...

That was the closest I got...

To waking up next to him.

I wish I could go back and change it.

Change getting sent to my moms.

Change an attempt that only caused

More sorrow and hardship.

I wish I could go back to him.

Y'know... I've always wondered why I've allowed myself to fall in love so quickly. I wish I could find someone who would treat me right. I'm watching Gilmore Girls and wishing that I could find someone like Dean... or Jesse. Just someone who would treat me properly and keep my happy, but I'm stuck finding people who leave or aren't really that great. I mean, I guess most girls are wishing that they could find someone who could treat them better. I want someone who can make me laugh and cry because of how hard I'm laughing. I just wish...

What did I do wrong?

Why wasn't I enough for him?

Why did I let my walls down?

Why was I stupid enough

To think I was the one for him?

I sit here writing,

Scoffing,

Listening to music,

Crying (in my head),

And just lying to myself.

In physical pain,

Physically sick,

And emotionally drained.

From everything between

Us. And you two.

I never should

Have believed you.

Or listened to my

Heart. It hurt

Too much.

This word I use. I use it to describe that strange feeling that I get when I stare at someone. It makes me think, wow that body, those eyes that beautiful hair. I get to be with that!?

But it makes me think, what has happened to that body has it been broken, cut, hurt. It makes me just want to be there for them hold that person and never let go. But all of a sudden I snap back and realize that. The person i think of is hundreds of miles away and I can’t do a damn thing to help or even maybe save them. And I’m not theirs anymore. But I still care.

At 12 years old, my first kiss was no different than sticking a hypodermic needle into my arm filled with heroine. Honey I was so hooked on falling in love after that kiss, whoever I was becoming, whatever talent I was cultivating faded away like a ship on the horizon. 24/7. BOYS. I was either with one or searching for one from that moment on.

You see my homelife was filled with unspeakable pain, and that kiss was the antidote. Only thing is sometimes the doctor gives you the wrong prescription. If I could go back in time, I’d go back to that first kiss and let the beauty of it wash all over me and then I’d write my own script.

The script would say: WARNING. Love can be addictive. Proceed with caution and remember to love yourself first.

Did you really think I’d give up that kiss?

But the worst thing

About losing you

Was that you took

My heart with you.

-Nikita Gill

Y'know when people say they love you, but you wonder if they really mean it. That's what hurts the most. The brittle sound of a broken I love you. "What hurts the most was being so close, And havin' so much to say, And watchin' you walk away, And never knowin' what could've been (What Hurts the Most, Rascal Flatts)." I have a lot to say, but I feel so broken down. So hurt and unable to think properly and function. I meant every word I said.

Y’know, I don’t think

I’ve ever been as heartbroken

As I was that day.

When you said, “Stay away.”

I don’t think

I’ve ever felt as numb

As I did that night.

When I wished for height.

Shit, I guess I think

I love you still.

I really shouldn’t.

But I couldn’t...

Imagine life without you, I think

It would hurt more if I did.

Hurt more than the words

You assured

Me you’d never say.

What am I?

Some prize to be bought?

I guess that’s what you thought

When you threw me away.

I wished you would stay.

I feel lost without you.

Do you feel that too?

Bonjour,

L'amour de ma vie.

Je ti'aime mon amour.

I miss you greatly.

L'amour de ma vie,

You are my light.

I miss you greatly.

Without you, it feels like constant night.

You are my light,

I feel so alone.

Without you, it feels like constant night.

Maybe I'm better alone.

I feel so alone,

I've almost called too many times.

Maybe I'm better alone,

But I don't want to read between lines.

I've almost called too many times,

Wanting to hear you.

But I don't want to read between the lines.

I do know I love you.

Wanting to hear you,

Tell me you love me.

I do know I love you.

So, I guess I'll let you be.

Tell me you love me,

Just don't taunt.

So, I guess I'll let you be,

If that's what you want.