LSD and Government Cheese
My mom and dad took full advantage of the debauchery of the 1970's. In fact, I was told that my mom took acid with my dad at an Emerson, Lake, and Palmer concert and a week later she found out she was 8 weeks pregnant will little ol' me. Which explains the bad trip I had in kindergarten (The cow on the Elmer's Glue Paste called me the Walrus. Goo goo g'joob). It also explains my random ability to smell sounds and hear colors.
Some people are born with a legacy. They may have grandpa's ears, mom's smile, and dad's lack of penile length and girth. My legacy? I was born on probation, had a training wheels case of sclerosis, and a copy of, "My First AA Handbook" clutched in my little fist. This was the less than auspicious beginning to my life.
I was raised in a chaotic haze of neglect, meth fumes, and counting the days until the welfare check showed up. Somehow I managed to buck my family's preoccupation with burning out instead of fading away. I did well in school, avoided the criminal justice system, and since I didn't become a connoisseur of meth, I kept a full head of teeth.
Still, you can educate the trailer trash boy and take the trailer trash boy out of the trailer park, but you can never take the trailer trash out of the boy. As such, I have never met a psychotropic medication I didn't have an appropriate diagnosis for. I can still tell you the SNAP benefit (that's food stamps to those who grew up in a nurturing environment where parents had jobs and/or put the needs of their kiddos first) to meth exchange rate. I can tell you the horrors involved in trying to digest gov'ment cheese. If you call it, "Government Cheese" you're either too young to remember this colon blocking government handout or had parents who understood that the refrigerator was for more than Stroh's Lite beer and ketchup packets. Finally, like all my family members, I am extremely fertile meaning that before I had myself neutered for the good of humanity my love lava could impregnate with extreme ease. This fertility can be directly linked to the sad fact (and example of Ma Nature's sick sense of humor) that the least capable humans can crank out kids faster than China can crank out knock-off electronics. Ultimately, this insures that CPS social workers, the welfare department, drug dealers, and those employed in the criminal justice system have total job security. It's our humble gift to you and the economy.
In short, cut me off, take the last donut, or STEAL MY ENERGY DRINK FROM THE BREAKROOM FRIDGE and I will make it my mission to insure that my children both date and procreate with your children. Hope you like Lynyrd Skynyrd, because their music will be featured heavily at your kids and my cum fruit's weddin'! Everybody fucking sing! IF I LEAVE HERE TOMORRRRRROWWWW...
growing pains personified
"well-" i hesitate
he look at me curiously
"it's a little weird"
i look at my phone furiously
as it vibrates again
"don't be angry"
he says gently
"poetry" I blurt out
but it pulls him in eventually
"angry but beautiful"
I describe with delight
"morbid but real"
the words set his face alight
"inspired, but original"
it's getting good now
"growing pains personified'
he asks me how
"my anger and my sadness
all of it at once"
he smiles at me
and asks me to read one
It could be real
"Imagine a guy at a party telling you a story from his childhood. He really wraps it in nostalgia, complete with sights and sounds you can identify with from your own background. You're feeling the warmth and the comfort and the almost thereness of what he's describing, even though you've never actually been to the place he's telling you about. It's like you could have been there, and maybe you were someplace so very much like it."
"Kinda the what Stranger Things did with the whole 80s vibe. Even 90s kids could identify, because a lot of the stuff was similar."
"Exactly. Now, picture all this warmth and comfort and then it just...vanishes."
"What the fuck?"
"Yep. Gone. Oh, the sunshine was perfect? Well, here's a thunderstorm, suckers."
"But, why would anybody like that?"
"Because in the thunderstorm, hiding between lightning strikes, is a darkness that contains toothy things that need someone to eat."
"I don't see how that's appealing."
"We all have teeth. Maybe we're someone's monster. I remind people that sometimes memories have teeth, too, and sometimes I show that what's hiding under the bed can be real."
I Musta Taken A Wrong Turn At Purgatory
If I found myself at the pearly gates I would assume that I got put on the wrong bus. I honestly pictured my afterlife looking like the cover of a Black Sabbath album. You know all lake of fire and imps poking the damned in the arse with tridents and stuff. However, if I was at the pearly gates and standing before Saint Peter, I'd ask to talk to management, because I have questions. When facing the regional manager of the entire universe I'd have to ask:
1. Why do those who profess to be on your team seem to forget your more pesky instructions such as, "Love thy neighbor and pray for thy enemy" and "Judge not lest ye be judged?"
2. Your kid had to borrow a donkey to get where he needed to go...Why do your supposed prophets, teachers, healers, etc. need to fly around on private jets and live in mansions? Didn't God Jr. say, "It's easier for a camel to walk through an eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to get into the gates of heaven." Seems like your middle management missed a memo somewhere.
3. Why do many of your followers get their panties in a knot over unborn children and abortion, but as soon as they're born these poor kids are seen as a drain on the good Christian taxpayer? Why did I, a born again heathen see the benefit of (and take advantage of the opportunity to) adopting a child, but so many of Team Big Guy In the Sky ignore the already born kiddos who are going hungry, homeless, and without loving parents. Shouldn't there actually be waitlists filled with Christians who are waiting to adopt the much sought after child in need? When instead, there are thousands of children languishing in the foster system who may never get a forever home? Why do your most righteous often vote for and support candidates who reduce programs that provide for poor and disadvantaged children that are already here, but fight against a woman's right to choose? Does this mean life is only precious until it raises taxes or affects my monthly budget?
4. Don't you think Satan's job has become a bit obsolete? Humans have proven time and time again that we are plenty capable of doing evil without the need of demonic inspiration and coercion? After masterminding countless genocides, two world wars, hate crimes, and the founding of FOX News I think the mortal student has surpassed the master.
5. Do I not understand the 10 Commandments because my understanding of the, "Thou Shalt Not Kill" commandment seems contrary to the ongoing record of what Christians actually do. Native Americans were slaughtered by the millions or robbed of their cultural heritage by our good Christian founding fathers because they were, "Godless heathens." Our African American brothers and sisters in Christ were torn from their homes and brought to a new world where they were often worked to death because the good Christian slavers and slave owners felt that the good book suggested being a slave isn't all bad. Am I missing something here? It isn't, "Thou Shalt Not Kill Unless it is Advantageous To Pasty White People" is it?
Of course, during my questions I'm sure someone would have hurriedly worked to correct the mistake in my final destination and I would be given the correct ticket for the Fire and Brimstone Express. Come to think of it, if heaven is filled with good Christians I might prefer the other place anyway.
the only way if you care enough
I am happy just sitting there
Waiting for my name to be called
Smile painted on my face
The lead-based make-up starts to scald
It's okay, I swear that it's fine
Don't worry about the girl in the corner
Her anger is hidden so it doesn't matter
That sad is gone so she's not a mourner
The small little doll sitting still
The idiot who they refuse to see
Is going to fucking snap
And she'll so with glee
I'm not a fucking figurine
I am a human who emotes
I tried to be numb and conceal it behind powder
But I can't do it, so take some notes
Just tie me up, if you want a numb girl
Put rocks in my socks or a pillow on my face
This is the only way you'll even get me truly numb
I promise that get rid of emotions without a trace
There’s Something About Putski
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2g1ylrcC7Aw
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