I'll fuck you from behind, so you cannot see my intention

Lead you with a lie, so you will not smell my deception

I can push your buttons

I can sing the perfect song

You will fall in love with me

You will hurt so long

I'll whip you with my words, I have a taste for conversation

Sipping on your blood, I suck with slow anticipation

I can cut the perfect slice

I can buy your heart

You will fall in love with me

You will fall apart

I will find the trigger in you; pull it with a smile

Your mind will stay with me while your body is exiled

I can find the perfect ring

I can kiss your soul

You will fall in love with me

You will lose control

Every single promise made, I am prepared to break

For all intents & purposes, my reason is opaque

I can hold your hand

I'll add bitter to the sweet

You will fall in love with me

And I won't miss a beat

"Love me," she says.

"Not the parts of me that smile and shine,

but the parts of me that are haunted.

The parts where the ghosts of my past

echo as they rattle chains

down the corridors of my heart

and frighten most who enter.

Love the parts of me that are in limbo.....

too alive to bury, too dead to feel.

Love me," she says,

"and I just might be resurrected."

I wanted

To be

With you

Alone

And talk

About

The weather

I wanted

To ask

You

About

Your day

I wanted

To undress

You

With my

Understanding

I wanted

Your eyes

Ebony

To concentrate

On me

And I

Wanted

To feel

Your perception

Of my

Insecurities

In your

Touch

But alas

I need

You

To rise

Up

From

The grave

For your

Death

Is

Unbearable

"There's a demon

In the calmness of my heart

A master of disguise

Hiding the darkest plot

Lurking in silent

Searching and waiting

For another demon

A playdate that live in the darken abyss

The one that plays well

The one that wear an invisible skin

So good at disguising

I am the master

Waiting for the perfect match

A demon that dance well

With me"

I always thought you're the one

The demon I'm waiting

A playdate for a lifetime

But you're too good at disguising

Leaving me with the circumstances

That I've never seen, coming

Today I killed myself

Over you- over something else

Dust is forming on your shelves

Twisted ties & tangled belts

What's bad for me is good for you

Your words don't match the things you do

The moon is full, now that's my cue

The sky reflects a cobalt blue

You've taken me for granted

Now my love for you is slanted

All emotions running rampant

And the seeds of doubt are planted

Crying late at night again

Apologies for what has been

Who am I becoming, friend

I think I can, I think I can

Maybe I'm just lazy

Maybe I'm just fucking crazy

Maybe I should down a pill to cure my need to kill

Maybe this is just a bad day

Maybe all this pain will go away

Maybe headaches are just God's way- of revenge

Served with wine & regret frays- at both ends

I told myself I was ready,

I could handle this.

But the words I read

Were pure bliss.

The relief of breathing

Only for myself,

Gave me new perspective,

New eyes to see Hell.

I'm glad I'm here alone

And there's no one else to drag,

I'm glad I can be young

To travel and to brag.

If she had but one wish

And only one wish

She'd wish for amnesia

She would wish for that

because it would be her one shot

for a new start

It would be her reset button

She wants to be without memory

She'd have a clean slate

And be able to start over

Amnesia would be the answer to her prayers

For nothing seems to do the trick

Drugs and alcohol

can only do so much

She knows the price she'll have to pay

for amnesia

She knows she'd have to give up her good memories as well

It's a price she's willing to pay

For there are far too many bad memories

that haunt her day and night

Amnesia is the answer to all her problems

I don't think I even know how to be really, truly happy anymore. I've spent too long angry and sad and hopeless. I've spent too long wanting to be dead, and now I don't know how to want to be alive. Sometimes I claw my way out of the belly of the beast, but then when it eats me again I'm too weak, too ragged to fight back. And I hate to be alone in those moments, but nobody wants to be with me for them. Nobody wants to crawl into my cage with me and help me clean myself up to try again. Nobody whispers those words of encouragement I need. Nobody wipes away my tears or tells me I'm safe when I wake up too scared to move. Nobody notices how bad things are until I'm curled up on the floor, praying for the strength to walk, to talk, to breathe. Until my palms bleed where my nails have dug in and my ribs show. Until I'm too cold or too hot or too fat or too skinny or too, too, too. Too late. They don't see until too late.

Music is one of the few things in my life I truly enjoy.  It never fails me and never ceases to flow through my mind.  I listen, play, and live with music.  Recently, a friend of mine has unknowingly turned me on to jazz.  I hope to expand my knowledge with it and go where the notes take me.