Just hold that happy thought, Peter,

As you walk through life's rougher terrain.

For happiness, they say, is there

Within the pain.

And though you struggle every day,

With worries, fears, and endless stress,

Just close your eyes and think of play

And let your heart do the rest.

For laughter echoes like a chime,

And joy surrounds you like a hug.

It's all just a matter of time,

Before your troubles are unplugged.

But hold that thought, young Peter dear,

For fate has other plans, it seems.

And though you grasp for happiness near,

It slips away like silvery streams.

For tragedy strikes with a heavy blow,

And heartache grips you like a vice.

And all your laughter starts to slow,

Until there's nothing left but sighs.

The world, once bright and shining bright,

Is now a bleak and dreary place.

And every day feels like a fight,

As you struggle to keep pace.

Just hold that happy thought, Peter,

And let the memories sustain.

For though the present may be bitter,

The past still holds sweet refrain.

And though your heart may ache with pain,

And tears may flow like falling rain,

Just hold that happy thought in vain,

And know that joy will come again.

There's no going back to what it was. When you lose someone you love, something inside of you changes forever. And just like a crumpled up piece of paper never goes back to being perfect again, we'll never be ourselves again, not like before. Because everything that reminds you of them will never look the same. It will bring you joy some days and infinite pain in others. It will bring you to your knees crying and it will make you smile your brightest smile.

There's no formula to grieving and there's no perfect time to heal. Some people never do, even nine, fifteen years later, the wound is still just as open as in day one. And other people will learn how to live with that small piece of them that is now gone, that part of them that only existed when that significant other was there. Me, I'm in between.

You change, and that's the only constant in losing someone you love. And the more you try to go back to what it was, the more you will suffer. They're gone, but their memories are just as alive as they ever were. Even when they start to fade, because time tries to take it all away, we'll always remember what they meant to us. Sometimes, I feel sad because I can't remember what my granddad's voice sounded like, sometimes I cry because I remember how much he loved me and how often he would show it.

I still cry, even with almost ten years to heal, and I have healed plenty. But I don't hate to miss them, my grandpa and my aunt. I love to remember everything that they meant to me in the twelve years we spent together. It hurts, but I don't regret one single day I spent with them.

And that's losing the ones we love.

I wrote this back in the 90's for someone in the family that took his life after suffering alone with HIV/AIDS.

Shame Has No Boundaries

By Tonya Rene Gill

Shame has no boundaries when you're alone in life.

No one to feel your heartaches no one to feel your pain.

There's no greater shame than a man who walks alone.

No one to remember who he really was, no one to guide him home.

A man who everyone would walk around but never saw inside,

the soul of a loving caring man who also has his pride.

Remember his courage he tried so hard to keep.

In the midst of battles where all he could do was weep. There's no greater shame than a man who walks alone, tormented so badly he never waited for God to take him home. Shame has no boundaries when hanging from a rope, ending the shame because no one cared to offer him hope.

She could see past life. She could see into “nonexistence”. She could see past reality and she could see the beauty of the depths of all that was unknown. Life and death and love and loss and pain and ecstasy all were one as she came to realize that no, life isn’t more than death. Life is nothing to death. Life is simply part of death.

Love doesn’t mean what it used to.

Love is now only a lie.

I don’t know why this happened.

I don’t know how to react.

But I’ll do what I’ve always done.

I’ll learn to adapt.

We can both agree that we’ve never met before. You don’t know my name, and I don’t know yours.

Let’s say I see you on the street. Maybe I smile, or you do. Maybe one of us says a cool “good morning” with a two-fingered wave. But it’s out of cordiality, because we don’t know each other. We’re just two ships passing in the night.

Except for perhaps a second, you see your pain reflected in my eyes. You see a common struggle, something broken that you want to put together so badly it physically hurts. You realize that we’re as similar as two people can be. So as we pass, you hold my eyes a second to long and you can’t help but wonder-

Do you know me?

Walk into a room; can't remember why

Lay down in bed hoping not to cry

Looking at words; what have I read?

Should be doing something; doing nothing instead

Force myself to walk; legs feel like lead

Try to tell a friend but things are better left unsaid

There is nothing to live for; I'm better off dead

Mentally, that is. I am at a point in my life that I have to fake it to make it. I summon the strength I require to live my day to day life, without losing focus of my ultimate goal. I live with a lot of bullshit, a lot of mental abuse. Yet, I still am strong. I am used to it. I don't play the game. I keep my mouth shut. I try to be invisible. I keep my mentality, my astuteness. If I break, everything I have worked for will crumble down around me. I will not allow that to happen. I am emerging, watch out...