They lay to rest

behind mirrored doors

Buried in a box

collecting dust

along with the

butterfly acoustic

blood stained shirt

and hoard of empty bottles

They scream

Begging to be

remembered

and cried over

They speak of

love and sorrow

now go misjudge 

do that if you must

but know of this

unjust, you are just

gauging those others

by the low standards

you are adhered to 

and can never dislodge

down deep in your

ditch, mire and sludge

where frown and fester 

dwell, plots unhatched

never rising up above

weighed down in that 

by ego and the fug

of hard narcissism

and the misdemeanors

you sweep under rug

so judge if you must

self serving slug, just

remember dark pasts

heed the inner voices

that whisper and rasp

you're nothing, worthless

realisation dawn and gasp

Over eight months ago

I finally found fate

When I met this woman

Not a second too late

Someone in which

I can truly relate

And one that I most

Appreciate

My rock that I know

Won't fluctuate

She's always been there

To motivate

With her words and poems

That fascinate

And advice that helps

To navigate

When my life has left

Me desolate

For her -

I would not hesitate

To strangulate

Or assassinate

I mean it people,

She's really that great!

Now before you start

To speculate

-Ruminate and

Fabricate

Let me be the first

Setting things straight

Our bond won't ever

Dissipate

-Or depreciate

I assure you

I don't exaggerate

When I say she is my

Non-lesbian soulmate

(Pssst...that means we

Do NOT copulate)

**Happy Birthday Sammie! Love you sweetie! Xoxo

You promised me

you'd never leave

you'd make me laugh

you'd hold my hand

you'd be here

You proposed to me

a lifetime of smiles

a lifetime of understanding

a lifetime of together

a lifetime of love

You vowed to me

your heart

your body

your mind

your life

Until you suddenly

left

me

alone.

My heart aches

not a woman

not a job

not an addiction

but death

in its consuming finality

And now it is only me to remember our plans

And now it is stolen from my future

your hands

your home

your children

your gray hair

But wait

Even as I cannot comprehend

why you chose to leave a life, full

and a love, true

I made promises too

I will remember you

I will cherish you

I will love you

I will never stop.

Only worshippers of tumbleweeds gather

in the local temples where

false gods failed them. They drink the

dust in the streets, recall the days

of the Great Flood when the roads ran

into rivers and carried the children away,

still laughing and splashing until death

came and they kissed her on her cheek

like old friends and innocent lovers.

The stone statues left behind do not mourn these

small faces. They contemplate

wrongdoing, point fingers at past sins

and draw cause-and-effect holy judgements because someone

carved wings into their backs and halos

over their heads and then left them

to be kings of a wasteland.

Someone will topple them someday.

Some young dust-scudded mess with

anarchy tucked under her tongue will

wander into empty cathedrals with ropes and pull each one down.

Their faces will run away bit-by-bit disguised as sand in the wind,

leave behind vague boulders over shattered stained glass.

The town and its temples will be forgotten.

The Great Flood will be stamped into

history book pages, or perhaps

forgotten and this town will sit until a new generation settles in

and adds their own children, their own houses,

their own marble statues. Waits

upon their own flood.

i slip away silently, an unseen specter

where is my reason (for anything)

what do they want me to do

i don't understand (anything) 

indentations in my skin mark my slowly growing insanity

i want to bleed 

grit my teeth for the pain (both because and to feel more)

beg for anything (love & nothingness)

i know i need to keep this momentum 

slicing through the water & wanting to hurt someone (myself)

the slow vibrations reflect my exhaustion (even as his voice croons)

wild eyed with missed opportunities eating at me

i tear at my skin & watch flakes drift down

harder and harder (breathing to breathe)

An angel disguised as death

found shelter in a dusty corner

She saw the beauty you held inside

And so,

you lived to see another day

Time grew cold as the seasons changed

You took on your own

Never judging the tempest in my mind

The months birthed a mutual respect

Then death seduced an angel

You'd be proud

They keep guard

as you keep watch

Know that they listen to my drunken stories

about the conversations I used to have

with their mother Charlotte

Rest

knowing that with me,

they'll always have a home.

Told me I was sunlight and strawberries

on his tongue, but I don't

see it. Can't taste

conviction.

I am lemons and silence. Rusted radiators

forgotten in garage corners. The spots

behind your eyes when you close them.

Lies. The feeling

when you drop a plate. When it hovers in limbo

and you think perhaps this time,

this time I will catch it. And it shatters. Anxiety.

Mosquitos on perfect summer nights. So fucking

much anxiety. A car crash, four seconds

before it occurs. Bees.

Papers crumpled in bottoms of purses

and backpacks. Pennies. Atheist prayers. Sunrises

too cold to go out and watch. The mirror.

A song you played twenty too many times.

And I could keep on going,

but it never serves either of us.