Over eight months ago

I finally found fate

When I met this woman

Not a second too late

Someone in which

I can truly relate

And one that I most

Appreciate

My rock that I know

Won't fluctuate

She's always been there

To motivate

With her words and poems

That fascinate

And advice that helps

To navigate

When my life has left

Me desolate

For her -

I would not hesitate

To strangulate

Or assassinate

I mean it people,

She's really that great!

Now before you start

To speculate

-Ruminate and

Fabricate

Let me be the first

Setting things straight

Our bond won't ever

Dissipate

-Or depreciate

I assure you

I don't exaggerate

When I say she is my

Non-lesbian soulmate

(Pssst...that means we

Do NOT copulate)

**Happy Birthday Sammie! Love you sweetie! Xoxo

You promised me

you'd never leave

you'd make me laugh

you'd hold my hand

you'd be here

You proposed to me

a lifetime of smiles

a lifetime of understanding

a lifetime of together

a lifetime of love

You vowed to me

your heart

your body

your mind

your life

Until you suddenly

left

me

alone.

My heart aches

not a woman

not a job

not an addiction

but death

in its consuming finality

And now it is only me to remember our plans

And now it is stolen from my future

your hands

your home

your children

your gray hair

But wait

Even as I cannot comprehend

why you chose to leave a life, full

and a love, true

I made promises too

I will remember you

I will cherish you

I will love you

I will never stop.

Only worshippers of tumbleweeds gather

in the local temples where

false gods failed them. They drink the

dust in the streets, recall the days

of the Great Flood when the roads ran

into rivers and carried the children away,

still laughing and splashing until death

came and they kissed her on her cheek

like old friends and innocent lovers.

The stone statues left behind do not mourn these

small faces. They contemplate

wrongdoing, point fingers at past sins

and draw cause-and-effect holy judgements because someone

carved wings into their backs and halos

over their heads and then left them

to be kings of a wasteland.

Someone will topple them someday.

Some young dust-scudded mess with

anarchy tucked under her tongue will

wander into empty cathedrals with ropes and pull each one down.

Their faces will run away bit-by-bit disguised as sand in the wind,

leave behind vague boulders over shattered stained glass.

The town and its temples will be forgotten.

The Great Flood will be stamped into

history book pages, or perhaps

forgotten and this town will sit until a new generation settles in

and adds their own children, their own houses,

their own marble statues. Waits

upon their own flood.

i slip away silently, an unseen specter

where is my reason (for anything)

what do they want me to do

i don't understand (anything) 

indentations in my skin mark my slowly growing insanity

i want to bleed 

grit my teeth for the pain (both because and to feel more)

beg for anything (love & nothingness)

i know i need to keep this momentum 

slicing through the water & wanting to hurt someone (myself)

the slow vibrations reflect my exhaustion (even as his voice croons)

wild eyed with missed opportunities eating at me

i tear at my skin & watch flakes drift down

harder and harder (breathing to breathe)

Told me I was sunlight and strawberries

on his tongue, but I don't

see it. Can't taste

conviction.

I am lemons and silence. Rusted radiators

forgotten in garage corners. The spots

behind your eyes when you close them.

Lies. The feeling

when you drop a plate. When it hovers in limbo

and you think perhaps this time,

this time I will catch it. And it shatters. Anxiety.

Mosquitos on perfect summer nights. So fucking

much anxiety. A car crash, four seconds

before it occurs. Bees.

Papers crumpled in bottoms of purses

and backpacks. Pennies. Atheist prayers. Sunrises

too cold to go out and watch. The mirror.

A song you played twenty too many times.

And I could keep on going,

but it never serves either of us.

Hold her tight

lay you lips

Upon hers

Whisper her name

Breath in her essence

Slowly let your

Fingers unbutton

Watch the cloth

Drape to the floor

Stand back and gaze

There her skin

Awaits your lips

Look into her eyes

Make that desire

Be burned into her soul

Home is where

    I rest my brain

       Calm my nerves 

And heal my pain

   And silently kneel 

      Upon my knees 

Praising the lord 

    From a cool 

       Window breeze 

This house 

    This home

         This lovely place

Is my finish line 

   In the daily race

My trophy not a cup 

    But precious smiles 

And a welcoming floor

  From carpet 

           To tiles

The joy 

      That I feel 

            Bringing 

                    Me 

               Proof

That I am loved 

    And appreciated 

         Underneath 

                 This 

                       Roof

Spring and winter 

    Summer and fall

I'm lucky to have 

   What is 

       Within these 

    Walls

No matter the day 

     Or what time might do

I know I'll be ok 

  And I owe that to you 

Daniel 

      Jacob

Dabney

And 

   My 

      Fucking 

            Content 

     Mind 

LoL 

March 16th 2017

I love you Myra ♡♡♡