I am shameless, I got this idea from a Dr Pepper can.

But if you think about it, you deserve this.

You deserve the shit you've been through and the shit you're going through and the shit you will go through.

You deserve all of it.

Afterall, the universe is based on cause and effect; gravity caused the big bang and its effect was millions of galaxies containing trillions of stars containing billions of trillions of planets and other celestial bodies.

You crashed your car therefore your insurance rate increased.

You keep eating bad food therefore you got fat.

You picked on the weird white kid at school whos always seemed sketchy but just wanted to eat their lunch in fucking peace therefore you got shot. (ahhhhhhhhhh.... insensitive)

You dated the cheater, got cheated on.

"But Adult! I didn't know he was gonna cheat!"

J, you were too quick to give up your heart to a fuckboy and think its not your fault? You could've asked his friends or yours or just waited a while longer and your heart would've been fine.

"We were married for 15 years but hes cheating now, how is it my fault then huh?"

Easy question, either you weren't fucking him right and/or you weren't able to keep the relationship exciting for him.

"Of course, men blaming women for shit they didn't even do!"

No, its his fault too dont get me wrong, cheatings bad but when it comes to multiple people its everyone's fault.

Black kid reaches in his pocket while getting questioned by police knowing full well about the constant racial tensions in the U.S and he gets shot by the cop. (By the way, dont reach into your fucking pocket when being questioned by police unless you tell them beforehand, easy way to die.)

You deserve this, I deserve this, we all made choices to get here and we'll make choices in the future. So decide what you think deserve and make the right choices to get it, it wont be easy, its not supposed to. Live your life like we're all tiny and don't mean shit in the universe (because we dont). Forget about Heaven, forget about Hell, sing your favorite song and take your favorite drug, live your life how you want.

Get over it.

~Adult

#Adult

One time long ago there was a monkey who seemed different.

This monkey had an intelligent vibe to it and mainly kept to itself until one day it found another monkey just like it.

These monkeys lived together for some time, eventually learning to procreate and form mini monkeys that would grow up to become normal sized monkeys.

After years and years of doing the nastys this peculiar monkey breed somehow formed a community with one another, learning from each other, becoming... intelligent.

One monkey rubbed sticks together and made fire, and that monkey taught the other monkeys to do the same.

Monkey see, monkey do.

More years went by, decades at least, the monkeys began to thrive in technology. Creating spears and knifes for hunting other animals and protection from other animals.

They began to build small huts for shelter, once again teaching the other monkeys to do the same.

One monkey made a noise, but it wasnt like a scream or anything wild, it was a word.

These monkeys learned how to communicate.

Monkey see, monkey do.

Suddenly, out of what seemed to be nowhere, there were other monkeys, less hairy but still quite apeish, but also intelligent, possibly more intelligent.

These monkeys had bows, arrows, and had formed the very first complex language which gave them the advantage.

And as years went by, these monkeys learned more and more, and BAM

It was like fucking Pokemon, these new monkeys evolved and were much more hostile.

I mean, these first monkeys couldnt even leave their tiny huts without one of these other monkeys asking for some change, and if they didnt theyd raid its hut and slice its neck when it came back, these weird hairless Chimchars were BRUTAL.

And eventually, these Chimchars didn't wanna be Chimchars anymore, they considered themselves better... So they named themselves... HomoSapiens. (Or humans for you fuck wits that didnt graduate).

John! Welcome back from the grave how are you doing?

"Fuck you... cunt"

What was that Johnny?

"Oh uh, nothing!"

Explain to these Humans what Humans are John.

"Well uh, Huma-"

Noone asked you twat go away before I shoot you again.

Whats the point you the reader may be asking?

There is no point good sir/ma'am reader reading all of these words in a certain order and yet still capable of understanding every word typed.

Fine theres a point.

Point is as Humans we've always been brutal as shit. Brutal physically and emotionally and not a day goes by where some white kid asks himself if he should become the stereotype for school shootings (im insensitive idc). Infact that very sentence is a prime example of our brutality. We are responsible for almost every endangered species on this planet. We eliminated our own evoluted ancestors for fun! We destroyed the cave people, neanderthals, and the Nazis. But the worst part about our brutality is that emotion can make extremes feel right and needed. If we are filled with rage because Redtube is suddenly shut down or its servers are closed the first thing we wanna do is smash our computer. (Just kidding, theres other websites).

We must always take action, but only after we have thought. The less we use our heart and the more we use our minds the more powerful we will become. And that time is coming my friends. Very Quickly.

~Adult

#Adult?

Hi! Meet John.

“Hi im John.”

Shut up John, noone cares.

John is a pornstar wh-

“Actually thats not what I am.”

John is a pilot an-

“Nope not that either.”

.... What are you John?

“I work in a refrigerati-”

(15 minutes later)

John is an astrophysicist who was always focused on how to get to the next closest star in our galaxy.

*John making weird noises and muffling with the ducttape over his mouth*

John they can’t hear you, it’s best you shut up anyway.

People mocked John because of his ambition. They thought he was naive.

“It’s impossible John!” Said Mary.

“Mary? Thats my wife!”

Ouch John. Lets put that ducttape back on eh?

“No what’d you say to my wi-” *gunshot firing in background*

John’s gonna take some time off from work, but for now lets talk about his story.

John never believed his bitch wife Mary and continued to follow his dream, to make it to a new star. And with his effort and his constant focus, he made it. Thats John’s story, not a very good one at least. But John isnt the main point in this story thing. Surprised? I’d hope not.

Whats my point you ask?

Read these words closely, look every one of them up in the dictionary, figure out the meaning of these words, and come to a conclusion okay you ready?

NOTHING

IS

IMPOSSIBLE

We made fire with sticks, we created noises with our mouths that others understand, we learned to grab things with not 1 but 2 hands, we invented cars, we conquered animals, we conquered each other, we’ve cured diseases, we’ve mastered crops, we landed on the moon for fucks sake, what makes anyone think something isnt possible?

None of that shit (^) was ever considered possible until we made it possible. So one day maybe we will conquer the stars, maybe one day we’ll even conquer time. If there was something impossible for us to reach in this universe I bet we’d find a way to make it possible while raising our “fuck you” salute to the universe itself.

FULLSTOP.

~Adult

#Adult

I’m 19 now and ever since I was 12 I wanted to grow up.

But for some odd and mythical reason, it feels like I haven’t.

I can go to club, waste my money on some hot vagina.

I can protect my country if I want to.

I can vote which is like... super adult status.

But for some odd and mythical reason, I dont feel like an adult.

Get this, I live in the United States, probably just like most of you.

I can join the Army, Marines, Air Force, Navy, hell I can even join the Space Force.

I can go accross seas into another nations border, kill their people like Call of Duty and get away with it (mostly).

But at the same time I can be 18 years old, give up 4-6 years of my life learning no skills used in the world after military, cross another nation’s border because “we’re at war”, get kidnapped, become a prisoner of this very war and witness other human beings my age beat me, torture me, and even kill me to send me back home in a grave for my family to see and cry over. Sometimes there might not even be a body, just a toe, or a finger, or a head. But nonetheless, I can surely seal my fate with death at 18 years old BUT GOD FORBID I CAN’T HAVE A CIGARETTE.

Dont get me wrong smoking is bad, real bad, suuuper bad, but what’s freedom without a little yknow... FUCKING FREEDOM?

If I can literally sign up to potentially die from outter causes why can’t I, as a person, as a human, as an adult smoke nicotine?

For those of you confused there has been a bill going around our 50 states and single territory noone tells you about that America basically owns (Costa Rica). This bill is known as the “21 Bill” and as of Wednesday, April 17th, 2019, this bill was passed in a very southern state called Texas. I live in Texas. So as of Septmeber 1st, 2019, I will no longer be considered an adult, literally. I can do all the adult things like buy a house, or a car, or serve in the military and possibly DIE, I can go to prison, all the fun responsible shit noone likes, but the lines crossed when I want a cigarette.

“Adult, you sound a little salty, maybe move onto the next topic?”

Good idea voice I made up in my essay thing, I dont even know what this is called, whats this form of writing called? (no but like... srsly)

Next topic it is J, imma call that voice J.

Did you know that education in the U.S of hate (rhymes with A and is touchingly accurate) is extremely outdated and biased?

“But Aduuult, racisms been gone for like, 1000 years now.”

J you’re dumb, and anyone who agrees with J is dumb. You’re all cunts. (Ill be proving that in a future post).

Im not talking about racism, im talking about people.

According to Zipf’s Law 20% of the U.S’ population should own 80% of its money, and that’s actually not too far off from the truth.

School was originally created for factory workers, cheap labor services. Sit down, shut up, do your WORK. (haha, keyword!)

Today isn’t so different.... infact its... sit down... shut up... do.. your.. work. Oh but also pledge yourself to the flag every morning and eat delicious chicken sandwhiches for lunch.

What I say is just a conspiracy but it could be truth, at least truth for some people and maybe falacy for others.

Regardless of facts, your eyes might just be opened, and you might end up woke.

School isn’t used for factories anymore, obviously, at least I didnt go to school being forced to learn how machinary worked.

No instead I had the typical highschool routine just like most people, go to school, hate life for a bit, eat whatever the cafeteria decided was nutritious for me, jerk off ferociously in the restroom stall, and shit talk the goths. Especially the goths.

And for a place thats so focused on education, I cant remember a damn thing school “taught” me.

With teachers telling adolescent me to stay small because my dreams arent possible, to prinicpals telling me its not okay to cry while spying on the girls at volleyball practice, I realised pretty quickly that school was real life, at least that’s what I thought. And as senior year rolled by and I graduated WOW was I in for a surprise.

“Wait, I cant skip days at work? But high school literally always let me get away with that consequence free.”

“I cant go accross the street and smack that person because he made fun of my Dora the Explorer backpack? High school lied!”

And that’s exactly what high school is doing. Lieing to your face, your kids’ faces, and your future grandkids’ faces and is fucking laughing its ass off right now.

High school was about establishing dominance so no other hormone filled teenager fucks with you or your stuff, have as much sex as humanly possible because why not, and try your best to get everything 70% right. All school really does is train your memory over and over again, infact trains your memory so much that after you “learn” certain concepts you end up forgetting those same concepts because another concept is thrown at you almost immediately.

It tooks years for people to master sciences, it took years for people to master maths, it took years for people to master English and yet teenagers, the group of people who give no shits about education and also end up being our next generation, are expected to know everything about the universe and why it works in only 4 years time (obvious sarcasm, it was actually three years if your freshman school was seperate from high school).

I was taught the scientific method in 7th grade! What the hell was I supposed to do with the scientific method at 13 years old?!

Well whatever you get the point, high school is a scam, and sadly its required for most people to go. They dumb us down so that they can keep their money with less competition.

If you couldn’t tell, im very passionate about my country, I do believe it can be the best. The United States was capable of very historical things from gaining independance as the underdog to landing people on the moon. It scares me to know the path this nation is on, plutocracy is just complicated democracy, I really urge you to look this up and find more statistics and form an opinion for yourself, even share it in the comment section. But in my humble opinion, America is fucked, and just like Rome one day it will fall. There are so many possible things this nation could truly achieve and has already achieved, such as Voyager 1 and 2, the internet, all of the Apollo missions, disease cures, corn, and also, most naturally and honestly. Americas greatest invention of all time....

Pornhub.

~Adult

#Adult