window walls

night falls

see beneath

my skin

veins run

hearts thrum

the darkness

has set in

blank eyes

dummy lies

powerless

and thin

cracked lips

death’s kiss

breathe —

tailspin

The empty spot upon my rumpled bed

matches the aching place within my heart.

my pillow bears the imprint of your head;

I hate this dreadful time that we’re apart.

I’m sitting here alone and incomplete

while dreaming of your fingers in my hair;

the taste of your lips on mine remains sweet.

your scent still lingers on the morning air.

My fingers trace the outlines of your touch;

inside my core a fiery heat begins.

Pulse racing, I can feel my face go flush,

remembering your breath upon my skin.

This unquenched passion now will slowly burn,

until we reach the hour of your return.

I wait upon the hour of your return,

so while you’re gone, I let my mind run free.

the tender parts of me I’ll help you learn,

and secret things I’ll let you do to me.

Imagine us, entwined within these sheets;

a smile upon my lips begins to show.

Within my breast, my heart rapidly beats

and moisture, deep inside me, starts to grow.

I settle in this nest of satin thin,

and let my fingers travel where they will.

They quickly find a spot of hungry skin

and waves of intense pleasure start to spill

across my soul -- my passion now has fed

the empty spot upon my rumpled bed.

taste of summer, sweet-bright warmth in your fingers— write, write my stardust

fill the world with blazing fireworks (of smiles, bright-eyes and laughter) and a thousand beating hearts,

make a home in a world that casts you out.

I met you with butterflies in my stomach and my eyes wide with nerves.

My hands were clenched and sweaty.

I could hear my heartbeat and it was so loud I couldn’t hear your voice

But I knew you were melodic.

What didn’t know then was that those butterflies were trying to fly me away from you.

That I couldn’t hear what you were saying because I shouldn’t listen to you.

So when you held out your hand and said jump

I jumped with you and never flew again.

I wallow in the setting sun

the cascading warmth

a blanket of bliss

ignorance on my lips

swept away by

the voice of you

Smiles light up their faces,

The cold brings them together,

Their hands warm from holding on to each other,

Their cheeks rosy, skin a-glow,

Eyes sparkling, looking forward to tomorrow.

But there's no space in the light for me,

I'm pushed into the darkness, 

I try to escape, try to breathe,

But I'm suffocated,

Cold emanates from within my heart,

My face pale, like the pall on my coffin,

A funeral of my life,

But there is no celebration,

Not even mourning,

It's just the loss of another,

Who was lost,

Even before she was gone.

The sickening death of tomorrow,

Everyday is dread.

While they may forget,

My mind does not let

me to enjoy such luxury,

of forgetting the pain

the darkness

that led to my

death.

~Mariya

I raise a glass of sparkling grape juice to you...

I give thanks to you.

This year started out rough because it was on the heels of one of the second-worst years of my life.

My reprieve is my writing and my harbor is my friends.

Helping me, talking to me, and holding out a hand to pull me up.

Helping me evolve and grow.

Be a better writer and friend.

I raise a glass to you...

Riley...

for messaging me when I didn't think anyone who didn't know me would care.

When I was just under fine you were there lending me hand and helping me up.

For talking to me and fangirling over the same artists.

For being there at all.

For encouraging me when I was nervous.

For being a skillful writer and amazing friend.

Thank you...

To MsWrites

Who read my story and shared it with your friends

Who trusted me and gave me advice about my story

Who is so fucking brave and talented and doesn't seem to know it.

For taking time out of your day to read my story and tell me what you thought.

For being a friend, a reviewer, a reader, and a fellow writer.

Thank you...

To Gary...

Thank you for reading my story, editing my story and being an honest person.

Thank you for putting up with my 180 at the beginning of our conversations.

For taking the headspace, time, and energy to read each of my chapters and make them better.

For talking to me and helping me see myself in a better light.

For listening to me open myself up to you.

And not deciding I wasn't worth your time.

For trusting me to be someone you could trust.

Thank you...

To Famewriter...

My co-author and friend.

Who took an idea I head and helped me shape it into a story I'm proud of.

Who's writing I love and is an amazing partner to be writing with.

Who is an amazing friend who I can swap music with and talk about my life.

Who, while I've only known you for a short time, it feels like I've known you for years.

For reading my story and liking it.

Thank you...

To FiaA...

I may not talk to you frequently but you have been there reading my story and supporting me for a long time. I consider you my friend because of the time and heart you took to read my work and express your thoughts.

For being someone I knew would care

Thank you...

To Mnezz...

Who was one of the first followers I had on here.

Who commented and liked and shared my posts to her followers and friends.

Who supported me then took my story when offered and read it.

For reading it, liking it, and just letting me know that I did have an audience that cared about my story.

Thank you...

Thank you. All of you for being here and being my friends. I hope next year is better than this one which was filled with peeling back scabs, reflecting, pain, creativity, new beginnings, healing, and a continuous struggle you made easier for me to fight.

Thank you.

forgotten and I

wish I could

r em e m be r

the rhythm. D

o you

hear it?

The trees sag

here, wi

thou

t you.

They sound

like rustling

branches and crackling bones

and loose clothes.

I don't

know how

much longer I can

bare to

listen. Hello,

it is me

again. Calling to ask

you if the tree

still sings on that

hill. I've