I would see people hold hands and hug each other.

One day I saw a couple and I pointed to them, and told my mother "I want what they have, what is it that they have?"

My mother replied with a small smile "happiness. That is happiness"

I grasped her larger hand in my smaller one and hugged her.

"I want that, I want happiness."

the taste was bitter on her tongue

she set the glass back down

and slumped back in her chair

gazing at the ceiling

and waiting for the poison

to consume her

it had taken a long time to gather

this~

it wasn't courage

but she wasn't giving up

either

it was something different

it was time to let go

to leave this world made

of bones and ash

behind

it was what inside her

that hurt the most

thoughts and memories

she wanted them to burn

like the liquid

that had crawled

down her throat

but nothing's happening

yet

so she just

waits

and anticipates~

i got a belly full o' poison that you fed to me,

a million painful truths wrapped up in my esophagus.

i got a pocket full of nightshade that i pop like pills

i got a wallet full of hemlock and it's giving me chills.

i got a belly full o' poison that you fed to me,

a million painful truths wrapped up in my esophagus.

i got a bowl full of razor blades that i can't wait to swallow

i drank a bottle of tide and woke up feeling hollow.

i got a belly full o' poison that you fed to me,

a million painful truths wrapped up in my esophagus.

i got a bowl full of tainted blood that i sucked from a goat

i let the cold red liquid slide down my throat.

i got a belly full o' poison that you fed to me,

a million painful truths wrapped up in my esophagus.

i downed a bullet coated in lead and prayed for it to end me

when i read obituaries i'm always filled with envy

because i got a belly full o' poison that you fed to me,

a million painful truths wrapped up in my esophagus,

and all i want is for all that undigested shit

to come out the other end.

so that the next time i swallow poison,

i can say

"see you on the other side."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS! I'm so happy for all your achievements this year! Congrats on reach 100 followers on the website! Thank you for being my sister as you inspire me every day to makeme motivated no matter how down I feel.

You truly are the best. @snivyth3

“Hope your special day brings you all that your heart desires!

I've thought about it before.

What that place would look like in a blanket of flames.

Because flames are beautiful.

As are the screams of others.

I don't care for the smell though.

Because the smell is horride.

The smell of burning flesh it is.

And that building would reek of it.

But we have to make sacrafices to get what we want.

And those glorious burning flames are worth it.

Worth all the time and effot.

Worth all the lives lost.

Just to see it one more time.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Before they put me to sleep.

It's harder to say goodbye

Because what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?

And saying that bad things happen for a reason,

will not stop the bleeding.

Because you moved on while I'm still grieving.

And my heart is breaking because you never said you were leaving.

Every time I reach for you, it takes a minute to dawn,

that you are truly gone.

Every time I remember,

all those nights in September

I fall apart in time with the seasons,

trying to battle my guilt demons

because I never got to say goodbye before you died.

sometimes

i lie

in the

bathtub

until

the

water

goes

cold

just

wondering

what

it

would

feel

like

to

drown