You want to view the future?

Trust me, you'll want to flee!

With all its ups and downs,

You'll wish you'd never met me.

You won't be able to bear it.

A future is something unknown,

A place you can't comprehend,

And where you'll be all alone.

I refuse to give you more hints!

You have to live for the moment.

Work on finding your purpose.

Focus on what's most important.

Always live in the present.

It's the only place that's real.

The past can never be changed.

And the future I will not reveal.

I stare at routine through wire and broken glass

Confined by my disorder, will it come to pass?

Dulcet tones play on old vinyl as I step behind the line

The crackle and pop ushers in my medication time

I’m clouded and confused on the how and the why?

Every day it’s easier to purify my eyes

Sharpened on my insistence for perfection

Have I now fallen under my own correction?

Pinholes of light shine through my cell door

Fabricated bullet holes that signify a new war

A new day where I have to fight my own insanity

Where confusion clouds the simplest parts of me

I get called to talk about my messy, tangled mind

To volunteer a solution to why the world is so unkind

Staring at shiny high heels that pierce me with lies

A power suit that signifies her job is her disguise

Reflective speaking that shatters on the core of me

I get no clarification from the world of psychotherapy

Comfy expensive couches that rarely offer any help

As I realise it’s me that has to fix my myself...

So I will...

Copyright Notice © Richard Withey. All rights reserved.

I'm going to kill myself.

I'm not going to slit my wrists.

I won't chase 50 pills with a bottle of booze.

I'm not going to swallow a bullet.

I'm not going to hang myself.

I don't know how it'll happen.

I don't know when the time will come.

This is not a cry for help.

This is a fact I'm certain of.

I'll act out recklessly

I'll push against every boundary I find

I'll treat myself the way I deserve

A useless, old whore who knows her worth

I'll ingest every drug I can get my hands on

I'll relish the numb even more than the high

Maybe one night, I'll accidentally OD

I'll put myself in dangerous situations

I'll meet strangers in motel rooms

I'll wander the streets all night long

I'll walk slowly past perilous places

I'll make sure to look vulnerable

I'll never lock a window or door again

My arched throat is an open invitation

To strangling hands, to hungry blades

I'm already dead inside,

But I'm too scared to finish the job

Too cowardly to end my own miserable life

I'm putting the challenge out there

And we all know, I'm a sure thing

It's gonna happen, sooner or later

My white knight disguised as Death

Death, the lover I've been longing for

I'm here, my love, I've been expecting you

Love me,

Deliver me,

Show me mercy,

Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.

You became my light

Creeping into the darkness of the corner in which I hid

You drew me out of the shadows

And I was never the same.

You found my feet

In the nightmares where I could not see

You led me safe to home

And I was never the same.

You were my world

When the world came crashing down around me

When the very air seemed to drown me

Since you, I could never be the same.

You were supposed to be my savior

But then you shattered and spread in the wind

I can't pick up your pieces

I will never be the same.

People don’t see the world for what it is. They see their circle of friends, their social status. They don’t think about the deeper meaning in anything. They don’t realize that we’re all people. We all have hopes and fears and dreams and weaknesses and strengths, and to really live life you have to embrace all of them. You can’t hide behind a mask of what society has decided is normal. Find something you love, whether other people understand it or not. Change the world in a way that only you can.