Current
Drown me
wash my sins
in the waves formed
from neglect, the
drip, drip, dripping
from smiles gone askew
I thirst
for icy water
that closes my throat
but demands each hair
stand on its end,
ready to be touched
I thrash
along the waves
catching glimpses
of sandy beaches
trying to remember
what it's like to be ashore
She Bleeds Flame
My skin has become ashes
My brain lit aflame from the promises
My eyes dulled from the smoke
As everything around me broke
My blood is flame
In horrible beauty, it destroys me from the inside without shame.
Perhaps the worst of all
Is my heart that opens the cracks to the dawn.
My heart is scorched beyond recognition
Pumping my flamed blood like a man on a mission
As if pretending that there was normalcy as the chaos consumes me
Praying that this monster is my legacy
Something amazing that I'll never get to see
But deep down my heart knows that will never be
As a legacy means nothing if he's not here with me
The blood lit only a spark that has grown into a flame
It burns me until no one can know who I am until I respond to my name
is everything okay?
yeah, all good.
it wasnt but he already knew that.
he knew that for weeks.
he knew that for weeks.
he knew that for weeks.
he knew that for weeks.
i knew he knew it and he knew that i knew that he knew it.
none of it mattered because
the next was "i hope so!"
what he didnt know was
that was the last time he'd ever speak to me.
i knew that for weeks. weeks. weeks. lifetimes.
i didn't want to though.
I see through you
because I traveled through you
you are a black hole personified
you hide with sucking gums of old age
behind the youthful blood of children
you live among the dead
pushing off the inevitable
with your expansion of lust
tearing down all those weakened
in the wake of your descent
no longer will I lick wounds in worship
but body and spirit will rise
in one accord
as tectonic shifts of alignment
unseen, but felt deeply beneath
I will set free the captives, robbed
and will make manifest
the restoration of this new day
strong hands lead me now
toward eyes of amber light
my gaze will never waver
your time is running out
Californication
Californication
depicts a man
with alcoholism
and writer's block
so profound
he can't write
his next novel
in Los Angeles
despite endless pressure
the hedonism
of LA stopping him
from feeling inspired
in his own city
the opening scene
in Venice Beach
reminds me of
a happiness
no writer
could ever
really achieve
dust of our soles gather
in reverent low places
to be swept
by brooms made of lashes
deep calls unto deep
where grieved and misfit
meet Weaver
threading golden glory
with ease
like medicinal manuka
through the eye of
His needle
thick belonging made known
with slow drips down mind
to roll off tongues in praise
Feral
I am afraid of the way that I scream in middle of my party, my home, in the middle of the street, and no one looks. No one notices. They only notice when I do not smile at them and turn in fear and contempt. I am afraid of the way I am used to it and how I have stopped wishing and expecting anything different. I am no longer desperate to be heard. I feel as if any chance I had has passed me by without me knowing until it was far too late. My valor was no match for their cruelty disguised behind honey sweet smiles and artificially coated tongues. And I know as my tears mix with the blood flowing from my wrists that the only real concern would be how I stained my gold and ivory gown in my last melodramatic act for attention. The tears they will shed behind their fine china teacups and lace fans will be for my family, mostly my mother who I have wronged so selfishly. What an ungrateful brat I was. The men will shake their heads and offer my father whiskey and smokes, while planning their next hunt. My sister will be the only one genuinely upset, because despite everything they say about me being an attention-seeking coward, they will talk about me and my sister did always hate being out of the spotlight and outdone.
And as I am here, dying, and these thoughts flit around in my mind, you suddenly appear before me. An angel clad in black and red. I see you smile slightly as you shake your head at me and I feel the urge to pout. In a voice of moonlight and burning wishes and desires you offer me a final deal and hold out your hands. One last chance and when I ask why, why me, you reply “I have never seen any one so tragic.” And with that, I smile. It is feral and wild and tragic, because he is right, I am tragic. I am an absolute mess. I have no reason to refuse, so I take his hand and let him pull me up. He brings my arms up to his lips and blows, feather soft, on my gaping open wrists. In a second the wounds are gone and all that is left is a mixture of dry and wet blood. My dress is stained crimson and I wonder how my sister will react when she sees it. It was always her favorite of my things she constantly longed for. I don’t blame her, it was beautiful, but now, now it is a masterpiece.
When I reach the door to the ballroom I catch my reflection in the window. I do not recognize myself. I look like how I feel the Queen of the Underworld is to look. Blacks and bone white with pomegranate reds. There is a crown of thorns and roses on my head. My lips are stretched in a feral and wicked smile. Oh! I gasp. I have never felt more beautiful. My madness is showing and I can finally breathe. And you! You look absolutely perfect, cloaked in shadows and winter moons and ancient fire in your eyes.
When we finally pushed the doors open, the room went silent and everyone turned to look at us. Their mouths dropped open in horror. They were frozen in terror and confusion. They did not understand completely, but they did understand that they would never drown me out again. They parted as we walked down the ivory stairs and made our way to the dance floor. As we began to dance to the music in our heads I felt everyone's eyes on us. For once I did not care. I was not worried about letting my mask slip, my smile fall, my bitterness and anger show. I let it all show on my face and when I made eye contact with passing faces I had the satisfaction of seeing them flinch. But soon they all blurred together as we began to spin faster and faster and faster, until our feet weren’t even touching the floor anymore. And I was aware, that when I screamed this time it came out a laugh, wild and free, and every. one. heard. me.