Arnold walked across his tiny, drab apartment, and stared out the only window. He took a puff off his cigarette, and recited a string of binary numbers.

Arnold had no friends. Most people found him dull, because he spent most of his time solving equations, and tinkering with computers. He used to be a mathematician. Lately, he'd become obsessed with numbers.

Arnold hummed, as he wiped off the faces of the many clocks in his apartment.

"The time is 10:10. The temperature is 48 degrees. Thank you." Arnold made a meager living providing the time, and temperature for the information hotline. Lately, he hadn't gotten very many calls.

Arnold awoke in a cold sweat, shouting, "The sin of 69! The cosine of 333! The tangent of 777!"

Arnold's wife, Barb, left him several years ago. He started having night terrors, and shouting incoherently about numbers. He sought out help, but nothing seemed to work. Barb left him in fear of his declining sanity.

Arnold began to record his dreams, and discovered the numbers were actually coordinates.

He followed the coordinates to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and Port Newark, New Jersey, the last known sightings of the U.S.S. Eldridge.

When Arnold returned, he had gotten a bizarre E-mail from a strange website. He was on the roster of the U.S. Eldridge, that was involved in the "Philadelphia Experiment." Evidently, he was not a crew member, he arrived aboard the ship when it re-emerged. Apparently, he is not from this dimension!

Should have known better.

I tried to transport into a parallel universe.

My evil twin, with a great looking goatee, tried doing the same thing, at the same time.

Unfortunately, both of us were caught in a temporal-causation loop.

And all people wearing red shirts on the planet's surface died.

The last year I've been thinking

Many "if"s and many "why"s

If you've erased me from your mind

You should know, you've never quite left mine

Why did you leave

Were your words of affection just lies?

If i told you that I loved you back

Would you finally look me in the eyes?

Maybe we'll meet again

And I'll be able to crack my shell

If you will love me then

I promise that I'll love you as well

I was afraid when at first begun

But just look at how far I've come

With the past just be reflective

And try to keep things in perspective

No longer lost in a muddled gaze

I look forward to all my future days

You have helped me to be

The things in me that others see

As I sit here now in deep thought

I would have got here without your support

You helped me with little steps along the way

And the tools to find a better day

And with your help i did find a much more stable kind of mind

The best bit of all I'd like to share

That there are people who really care

With support i am getting through

So a million thanks i give to you.

false crescendo of effervescent of youth bleed through the wall,

there has been unrelenting war fought between pensive sadness and something hollow over the highest level in hierarchy of pain.

i watch this universe-made hole in agony, understand the gravity,

but what’s really matter in the end?

early AM wasted winning nothing, reaching for more hands to hold

badly beaten somehow,

but feelings are still valid in this well-crafted bullshit with or without chemicals involved.

another meaningless sunrise

announces the absence of something new.

i flail around in the pile of broken pieces, shouting colours while everything's black.

what a disgusting pseudo optimist during the day

master the art of play pretend,

how much longer until i fall?

---Repeat---

#challenge #depression #mentalhealth #breakthestigma #life #surviving

Hello, I am a human person with goals and dreams.

I am a wondering mind, with songs to sing.

I am a breathing organ with questions and thoughts.

I am a distorted body of functioning sorts.

I can do things that people don't expect.

I can help someone, that has been through neglect.

I can make a plant grow from a simple seed.

I can build a house for someone in need.

I can start an engine that hasn't started in days.

I can show you how to love in so many ways.

I can bring a tear to a wind drafted eye.

I can kiss you hello, and hug you goodbye.

These things don't make me weird in no way.

These things make me a survivor, and I'm here to stay.

Say to me, you see through me and I will show you a heart.

A heart that beats a million to one, and has no end or start.

A person wrapped inside a soul, that is control by work of none.

A finger pointing at everyone, but responsible for one.

A shield I hold in one hand, to guard my life and health.

A knife I hold in the other hand, to protect me from myself.

No I see nothing that seems to be wrong,

Yet, I see something that can cause me great harm.

A jigsaw puzzle with all the edges smooth.

A gear riding on a chain with only two grooves.

A smile in the morning when you first awaken.

A tear in your eye at night when all your thoughts are breaking.

Holla out loud and drop to your knees.

Hold up your hands and say the word please.

Close your eyes and come to a conclusion.

That life for you has been nothing but an illusion.

Depression is a glossed over issue. Lost in the world to the bigger problems. No one cares to count the tears that fall into countless number of tissues.

Lost, stuck in a place deep inside yourself. Falling deeper each day. Thinking of new creative ways to end one's self.

Your own words cutting. Each one a more sharper blade. All feelings removed, a clean precise gutting.

Not being able to feel anything at all. Losing all empathy...all sympathy. Simply not caring adding to your own downfall.

Having lost all feelings of self worth. Letting others' opinion cloud your mind. Wishing you had the power to erase your birth.

Squeezing, ripping, breaking your own heart. Having the ability to feel each piece break off in the dark. Body and mind trying to give your death a head start.

Confused between wanting to be alone and to talk to someone; anyone. More often than not left to your own devices. Just wanting it to be over with; just done.

Just so tired. So emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually drained. Giving up on life, so uninspired.

The time has come, just ready to give in. But during the act you have a moment of clarity, you can't go through with it. You can't give up. You can't let evil steal your sunshine, you can't let it win.

Deciding to continue to fight. Holding strong taking control of your life. My life is not over yet, not quite.

As the light faded away

The darkness creeping in

Whisked off the threshold

Of consciousness

To the darkest corner of the mind

Where all unfathomable entities

Violently removed what’s left

Of my absolute reality

As I choked by primal fear

And gasped for air

So helplessly....

The malevolence tightened its grip

In the valley of nothingness

I paralyzed

Went down in defeat

Watched how my body

Betrayed my frightened, lonely soul.

#sleepparalysis #primal #fear