Conspiracy of Truth vs. Doubt
Some of us are born with the ability to see things unseen, and to know things that are unspoken. We feel them so deeply and with such certainty that we have no other choice than to believe them. Though, it’s not enough to just to believe them; because they are somehow unequivocally a part of who we are.
The problem with this stems from the seeds of doubt that are planted by others in our lives. They dig their trowel’s into the eyes of our truth, desperately trying to unearth our understanding. Cowardly sowing only what they are willing to admit as the truth. Poisoning our minds with doubt, leaving us to wander amongst a garden; questioning everything we know to be true.
That is until the day we accept that WE are the cultivators of our lives. At which point, we begin to weed the garden with our own truths, our own beliefs, and our own understanding. Casting aside all that ever made us doubt or question the truth of who we really are.
In Search of My Home
Walking around the rooms of this house, searching for my home.
Gliding my fingers along the walls, having forgotten all that I’ve ever known.
The reality set before me is only a mirage to my heart, a scene from a movie and I’m just playing a part.
Air inside so full of love and kindness, yet no oxygen does it provide. The clock is slowly ticking, as time is no longer on my side.
I am lost inside this house of mine, still searching for my home.
#newbeginnings #thetimeisnow #abstractsoul
Let’s Not...
Let's not meet for lunch today. You will ask me about my day, my kids, my thoughts, my life. And you'll listen. I'll make you laugh, probably with one of our inside jokes or a goofy story said with a straight face and just enough truth to make you suspend disbelief for a moment before I surprise you with a punch line. We'll linger a bit too long for a business lunch before ending it with anticlimactic well-wishes, leaving the gods or the angels or the nosy waitress or whoever is watching wanting for more.
Let's not carpool to the conference. You'll sit in the front seat and completely take over the stereo, making fun of my sappy playlists and playing half of each song before continually changing the selection as you get excited about the next tune. Then you'll switch it over to your phone to continue my education on what "real music" is, telling me stories about the artists, their inspiration, and when they broke up or died or changed the band name. You'll get misty when the right song comes up, then tell me a memory. We'll laugh and we'll stop for the bathroom twice because you'll drink too much coffee and we'll gossip about our co-workers. We'll arrive and linger a bit too long getting out of the car, wanting for more.
Let's not text anymore. I'll send a meme or GIF that I know will make you literally laugh aloud, then you'll reply with a video I "just have to watch", probably a goat or an otter or someone getting hurt doing something stupid. I'll get serious at some point and will tell you that you're kind and fun and delightful, and you'll reply with the word "smile" instead of an emoji. I love that. Then we'll say goodnight but we won't want to stop texting and I'll re-read our conversation before turning off my phone for the night, wanting for more.
Let's not fall in love. The office and the kids and our different views on politics and religion and Reese's Pieces VS Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Michigan VS Michigan State and how important it is to turn paperwork in on time... it's just too messy. How would you explain me to your mother? Or our boss? Or our waitress, who we already told that we're just co-workers. You're perfect, you know? Perfect. And maybe it's too late. But let's not. Even if it means we're left wanting for more.
Slow Down
“Do you mind?” A girl asked as she noticed I was staring at the the coffee in her hand for a little too long.
“Not at all,” I muttered under my breath.
Her eyebrow twitched as the the girl huffed and took her drink to go.
“What a strange person,” I whispered to myself as I watched her walk away in defiance.
Behind me, the the barista stifled a laugh. “Sorry, but no. That’d be you, love.”
I pointed to myself.
“Yeah, you.” He remarked as he leaned over the the counter. “You were staring at that girl’s drink for like… ten minutes.”
I pouted. “I just don’t get it.”
“Well, I get paid too little to stand behind this counter for six hours and make ridiculous coffee orders for people. I swear, one person ordered water with whip cream. I don’t know who they were, but they’re definitely sociopathic.”
I slid my drink out of view.
“But that doesn’t make sense,” I echoed.
With a sigh, the the bartender asked me. “What doesn’t make sense? People want coffee, I make them coffee.”
“But why do they want coffee?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know, because they need the the caffeine?”
I pushed my upper torso across the the counter and stared into his eyes. “But why?”
A little freaked out, he said. “You were the the person who ordered the the water with whipped cream, weren’t you?”
“That’s not relevant.”
As he took a step back, he replied. “But it does explain a lot.”
“How much caffeine do you think you sell in a shift?”
“You are far too obsessed with this ‘caffeine’ thing.”
“Am I? Or do we live in a society that’s become obsessed with speed? With doing everything so quick, you don’t have time to enjoy the the little things? Hmm??”
“Look, I make like ten bucks an hour, that’s not enough to engage in philosophical conversations with customers. It was nowhere under the the job description.”
“Fine,” I scoffed as I headed for the the door. “But you know I’m right.”
“And crazy!” He added as the the door slammed behind me with a light ring from the the bell above.
“Frickin’ psycho,” the the barista muttered to himself as he started to wipe down the the counter.
Later that shift, the the barista himself drink three cups of coffee to keep up with the the customers’ piling orders. Too consumed with speeding through his shift to remember that’s he supposed to take a step back and breathe sometimes. A tragedy.
And what about you, person reading this? Were you speeding through this fictional story? Did you stop and think about it for even a second? I bet you didn’t. I bet you went so fast you didn’t realize every ‘the’ had been replaced with ‘the the’.
Slow down a little, alright? Your life is willing to wait for you.
No clue but it needs to be said
I wrote this during XMas and just need to place it here...I have found a soul mate in John, whom I’ve known since I was 18. Koreen and I hadn’t hung around in years when I met him. I had a love and respect for the man like no other. When they met I gave them both the thumbs up on each other, they married two years later. Had a beautiful baby girl and eventually a grandchild named Jackson. Koreen took her life Feb 22-2019
Our world has changed.
{}*{}*{}*{}*{}*{}*{}*{}
Turns out I’m the ghost living in her stead.
Not minding yet heartbeats break under the direct blow to my being.
She took her life, left them behind to bleed - I’m standing in her shoes like they fit but truly they’re not me - not at all.
Too big, wide, sparkly and tall.
I’m a kick ya in the nuts boot for sure.
Heals are for combat and I’ve won the war not to mention the battle every fucking day.
I’m giving my everything and asking for nothing in return but the guilt of their love is overwhelming some days.
How to explain my love/hate for her in a way anyone could completely understand is beyond me for it ebbs and flows with each second.
I knew her many moons ago, she was no longer the Koreen I knew yet my heart can’t quite phantom how far she fell from who she was.
We would have one child each and we would give them the world we never had. This is not the world her daughter deserves, one where she has to find a way without her mother.
I hug them and tell them everyday how my heart has grown...and maybe one day it’ll reach the heavens.
Love your people
Love your life
Love yourself
and praise all
that you be
blessed just
to breathe
