Lost
You saw my face
And said "Just wait.
"I love you will still morph to hate."
and yes one day
your words were prey
and life was eager, carnage bait
But what I said
and what you heard
was more to me than just plain words
but late one fall
to end it all
my words indeed began to turn
And you stood high
on throne built nigh
my anger reeked of truth past spoke
and you remained
as one who trained
to be the widow always broke
You couldn't see
that it was me
all that you saw was in your head
and yes I've prayed
in hate filled grave
that you'd be gone when I left bed
Okay you win
the widows sin
will not forsake her mothers pain
but what you lost
at such a cost
was your own heart a piece now slain
Colour
Flying paint drops in the air
landing from I know not where
splatter out a pattern there
to naked earth still unaware
What shape and colour will I make
when life is done and death half baked
calls me down to leave my home
to where and what I haven't known
I see the earth as it arises
no more can I claim "Damn life surprises!"
I look about brief glimpse of course
through wind harsh blurring sight in force
My fellow drops in shapes of square
fat triangles drop from who knows where
An oblong sighs and says "Wasn't ready."
while its neighbor red cube soft prays eyes unsteady
So many shades and shapes cannot number
what is and what was before marching thunder
announced our descend from home in the cloud
"Goodbye little drops." to death on the ground
a g a p e i s n o t f o r m e
everyone would die
just to have a taste
of agape love
but it hurts
it hurts to love unconditionally
it hurts to forgive and forget
it hurts to watch them in pain
so i choose eros
i choose eros because it's easier
i choose eros because it's simple
i choose eros because agape hurts
pleasure over pain
Emotionless
Oh, fuck. What is this?
This wasn't supposed to happen
Now we're sending each other kissy face text messages
This wasnʼt part of it, not what I imagined
Now you want to come over just to cuddle with me
I cuddle with reality
I cuddle with bind-less
You're murdering me with kindness
Too bad my heart is frozen in timeless
No emotions running through my mind
You got butterflies strumming through, mine you cannot find
Not personified, broken puzzle piece you cannot combine
I've become emotionless
Numb from all the pain, no tolerance
There's no chance, no way in hell I'll want this
Sorry, but we have to immediately end this
...Sorry.
Never Cry, Wolfe
100 years in each backwoods step
We enter white wooden door, into classic cabin,
Cynically, “jagetit?”—rage, "Yes!"—
In pulse rubicund skies, elongate the only window
Suck down these anecdotes immediately
We know in our deepest deepest hearts this is the last hope
Creep sneering, .. I breathe lighter and lighter,
Arrest flaring nostrils approaching
Swallowing chests until the last bit slinks, throats
Claw crawling cure, fleeting splays grind,
“What's wrong..”—“What's Wrong!?!"—
Silver elixir fails, hairs sliver out
And grinning reflection, beast emerges.
"well, C’mon RedWolf! You are nothing without me.”
Fanged in howls ricochet
As shatters of the ruddy evening
And the window, just in pieces
Double-swift 100 steps back through the woods
Insanity
I know so many words in so many languages.
They're nowhere near enough to convey to you how I feel right now.
Perched in front of my toilet, waiting for the next bout of retching and drooling and raw emotion to shove its way up and out of me, into the world in physical form.
Tears covering my face, in the least beautifully tragic way you can imagine.
It's gross, seriously.
Ridiculous; unable to be liked, or loved; frivolous; hysterical; over dramatic; broken; impossible to understand; annoying; an absolute mess; dysfunctional; mentally unstable; insignificant; alone; stupid; stupid; stupid; stupid; stupid.
All words I'm sure you can comprehend, most you can likely imagine.
But there are none that can make you feel how deep a hole they rip in my psyche.
How pervasive they are.
How much they frustrate me and make me want to drive my fists into concrete over and over and over because I am an intellectual, I am above this, my rationality and ice cold heart are supposed to be my most powerful features and yet I am here screaming silently on the cold tile of my bathroom floor and shaking and staring at an albino spider on the wall and not even able to move even though spiders are my worst fear because I can't do anything except be torn to shreds.
And it's all over nothing.
Nothing.
So I can tell you all these things.
But it's so sad to me that nothing can make you feel the exact depth of all of this.
And so I'll sit here.
And continue to sound insane.
i swear
if i see
the word forbidden
in one more queer poem
im going to flip my shit
the cliche is tired
we are all tired
of being forbidden
in your poetry
in poetry
you can be anything
you can be everything
you can be free as the wind
you can be as true as birdsong
and you can sing
sing your love as song and true
as the lovebirds do
Fairy Hell
Once upon a desolate night,
a woman looked at her boy in fright.
He had grown into a man,
and now he had a few demands.
He held his knife up to the fire,
far from ready to retire.
"You've made my life a living hell,
now you'll be burning there as well."
She let out a broken sob.
Why did she call him a slob?
Her mind went back through all his years
that she refused to heed his tears.
"Please have mercy on your old mum!
I didn't ever think you a bum."
He stood and walked to where she sat
while slowly taking off his hat.
She winced when gazing on his face.
She had made him a disgrace.
Did she really hurt him bad?
It was obvious she had.
"You don't know what mercy is!
You never taught me to forgive."
She cringed as he brought down the knife.
He was going to take her life!
"It's never too late to learn anew.
Put that down and I'll teach you!"
He threw his head back with a laugh.
She had not swayed him by half.
"Wench, you couldn't teach a dog!
Around my mind you've left a fog."
The knife flashed evil in the light.
She wept and shut her eyes so tight.
"Boy, can't you give one chance?
Look at me, just take a glance!
I am already old and broken.
Too weak and small for the words you've spoken."
She cringed as he let out a roar.
"What about me, you evil whore?
I was but a little tike
when you told me to take a hike!
Wanted me out so you could fuck
that horrible man who drove a truck!
Sent me off all on my own.
Said better be dark 'fore I came home.
Morning came and you weren't up,
on spoiled food was forced to sup.
I tried to wake you from the dead,
a frying pan came down on my head!
You see I've no hair on my crown?
In boiling water you tried to drown!
My face no maid will ever love,
because into the fire I once was shoved!
Now you want me to be nice?
You've had chances, first, second, and thrice!"
With one swift stroke he cut her wide.
Ignored the pitiful tears she cried.
"The good Lord won't forgive this act!"
"The good Lord's gone and that's a fact!"
He slashed again and took her nose,
deftly side stepping her throes.
"Please don't kill me, I'll be good!"
"I'd consider it if you ever would!"
Blood flowed free as he opened her face.
Just like him she was a disgrace.
"The pain is so bad, I just can't bear!"
"Well then give me back all of my hair!"
He was merciless and wouldn't give in.
Across his face a satisfied grin.
When finally he couldn't recognize,
the bitch who'd raised him to terrorize.
He stopped just short of taking her life.
Slowly he put down the knife.
"The fire inside I cannot douse.
You'll continue to live in this old house.
Without forgiveness I'll be out there.
Don't you forget, don't even dare!
And if it so happens that you do,
I'll be back to remind you."
When he left, he felt no guilt.
She was only getting what she'd built.
The moral of my story is,
you guessed it, don't hurt your kids.